Taking Da Piss

There are some stories that are simply begging to be made into films, stories of epic scale, sweeping beauty and high drama. Such films practically tear themselves from the page and fly onto the silver screen with a life of their own, capturing an audience in such a fashion that the events depicted are experienced as if first hand. Conversely though, there occasionally comes a movie that, in the name of all that is good and pure, should never see the light of day. Ice Cube's Da Unknown Soldier may well be one such picture. Flying in the face of sense and reason, Scary Movie scribe Phil Beauman has penned this fish-out-of-water action frolic. Starring and produced by Cube, the story centres around a gangsta who leaves the 'hood and swaps places with his enlisted cousin for a couple of hours so that the soldier can steal some quality time with his family. But, cruel world that we live in, war is declared and the hapless homey is shipped off to bear arms against his nation’s foes. Needless to say, ‘hilarity’ is doubtless slated to ensue as he tries to adapt his street-savvy to a military environment. May the saints preserve us.