Empire has been asked to pass on this news of a major health hazard by Her Majesty's Government. Michael Flatley, the back-combed, shiny-shirted rhytmical stamping addict, has announced that contrary to expectations he will not be retiring and that he will, instead, be attempting to start a career in the motion picture industry. Mr Flatley was quouted as saying, "Dream Dancer, the movie -- that's the next step." Moviegoers can consider themselves warned of this considerable danger to their sense of aesthetics.
Official Government Warning
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