Antonio Banderas, in full-on swarthy mode, plays a wealthy coffee merchant in 19th century Cuba who decides to get himself an American wife, sight unseen. Banderas resorting to a mail-order bride is about as believable as Bill Gates clipping coupons. Still, he gets a little more than he bargained for when Angelina Jolie shows up, and he's careful to test the merchandise.
It's not all gauze-filtered shagging; writer-director Michael Cristofer manages to squeeze in a completely dull murder mystery between the bodice-ripping. Recast with Shannon Tweed and Doug Jeffrey, this might pass muster as 3am cable-filler; as an expensive star vehicle it's a pompous, unerotic dud that, annoyingly, isn't quite bad enough to be funny.