Only Vin Can Save Us!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Vin Diesel can do anything. You don't even have to visit the Vin Diesel Random Fact Generator to learn that the slapheaded one is capable of curing cancer while executing a perfect triple Salchow, reciting Shakespeare and painting a perfect copy of the Mona Lisa. But in addition to all these considerable skills, Vin is about to singlehandedly save the world from nuclear apocalypse in The Retriever. The story apparently centres around a group of Russian terrorists (yawn) who get their grubby, democracy-hating hands on a Doomsday device abandoned at Chernobyl in the wake of the accident there. With nothing to lose, they don their radiation suits, retrieve it and threaten to use it to extinguish all life on Earth, unless their dreadful demands are met. Can no one stop them? Are we all doomed? Well, not if Vin has anything to say about it, as he will apparently save the world "in a James Bond manner". We're not sure what that means, but somehow we doubt that he'll be wearing a tuxedo and drinking a vodka martini as he does it