Having torn his opponents apart in the ring, wrestler Hulk Hogan - now insisting he be credited by his given and rather less macho name, Terry - here tears apart the premises of Kindergarten Cop and Problem Child and comes up with an incredibly anodyne star vehicle.
Playing a burned-out wrestler, our hero is hired by microchip genius Pendleton to protect his unruly pair of brats from the threat of kidnap by a silver-skulled baddie (Johansen). Neglected by their dad, the children, are adorable tearaways who specialise in torturing nannies with slapstick gadgetry.
After a few reels of hilariously falling over into gooey muck, Hogan turns the tables and teaches the kids (and their errant parent) the importance of huggy-kissy family lurve by singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star to the girl. The plot kicks in when the baddies kidnap Pendleton, and Hogan has to rescue the whole family with some more humorous head-banging. Among the horrible would-be laugh-getters are the sight of Hogan in a ballet tutu, a sassy black cook who waves a cleaver about, a minor character being gruesomely killed, and a pudgy genius electrocuting school bullies.
Hogan proved himself a better actor when pretending that American wrestling is a real sport, and the production team that brought you the Mannequin movies can add another excruciating dud to their CV. Hogan's Suburban Commando was surprisingly endearing, this is just an ordeal.