OSGOOD: I called mama. She was so happy, she cried. She wants you to have her wedding gown. It’s white lace.
JERRY: Osgood, I can’t get married in your mother’s dress... she and I, we’re not built the same way.
OSGOOD: We can have it altered.
JERRY: Oh no you don’t. Osgood, I’m gonna level with you: we can’t get married at all.
OSGOOD: Why not?
JERRY: Well, in the first place, I’m not a natural blonde.
OSGOOD: Doesn’t matter!
JERRY: I smoke. I smoke all the time.
OSGOOD: I don’t care.
JERRY: I have a terrible past. For three years now I’ve been living with a saxophone player.
OSGOOD: I forgive you.
JERRY: I can never have children.
OSGOOD: We can adopt some.
JERRY: (exasperated) But you don’t understand, Osgood! I’m a man!
OSGOOD: (Entirely unfazed) Well... nobody’s perfect.