Past His Vest

After saving the world umpteen times and dispatching countless terrorists to their timely ends, Bruce Willis has volunteered himself for military duty – but, according to The Metro newspaper, has been told he's too over the hill to enlist. Sick of the anti-war attitude he spotted in Hollywood and ready to do Die Hard for real, Willis proudly phoned his President to declare he was ready to serve his country and whup some Iraqi arse by joining the US troops revving up for war in the Gulf. But while a middle-aged, rather bald Dad can easily become the saviour of the Western world in Hollywood – witness the upcoming Die Hard 4 - in reality, things are slightly different. At the grand old age of 47, Willis has missed the age limit for new recruits in the US Army by the not inconsiderable amount of 13 years. Recognising that the only terrorist bashing he was going to see would be firmly of the celluloid variety, Willis found a more peaceful way to serve his country and became involved in the national foster care programme. From bombs to babies, now that's a progression we applaud.