Why, Oh Why?

Bejeesus. Nostradamus might have been uncannily correct. His prediction of the demise of this dear world occurring a tad after the millennium is looking more and more spot on. How else can you explain the truly apocalyptic news that Shock Jock Howard Stern has decided to remake 1981 gross out comedy **Porky's? The man who poses on the poster of his 1997 film Private Parts with the Empire State building seemingly growing out of his groin has taken it upon himself to unleash a new version of the penis fuelled, sexual humiliation-filled and downright depressing tale of youngsters in 1954 Florida who just can't seem to get laid. Produced under the auspicious title "Howard Stern Presents…" together with **Porky's will be a remake of 1979 teen flick, Rock'n'Roll High School of which the only redeeming factor was the musical appearance of punk gods, The Ramones. Why, God, oh why, we hear you cry. Stern explained to Daily Variety, "I think I represent what National Lampoon once meant to the teen audience. I'm trying to present something different." Oh hurrah, what with endless sequels to American Pie and Seriously, Dude Where's My Car? also in the pipeline, more jizz jokes is just what we need.