Big Screen Big Brother

Oh, the horror. Our small screens have long fallen victim to the deadly plague of reality TV, our schedules riddled with the infected results of this almost imperceptible but sweeping epidemic. Our cinema screens have, however, bravely remained a fortress against the polluting touch of reality allowing only truly, wonderful escapist fare to brighten the deadened souls of the awaiting audience. Until today that is. The people who arguably unleashed the scourge of reality TV upon the world, producers Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray of MTV's "The Real World" and "Making the Band" fame, are bringing their rip off of real life to the big screen in their terrifying new feature film, The Real Spring Break. Featuring unknown beer-guzzling US college students rampaging around the shop during their holidays, the makers have already begun scouting around American universities for gullible young individuals, ready to humiliate themselves for a few minutes of fame and several free vats of alcohol. A New Line studio exec was keen to point out that their new project is, of course, in no way cheap, manipulative or heaven forbid, tacky. "They're not about covering spring break as an exploitative storytelling opportunity," he said of the flick's producers. "Their shows have always been about strong characters, wish fulfilment and innocence lost." Tell that to Murray himself then, whose priorities became all too clear when he breathlessly commented, "The shackles and restrictions of TV have been taken off us. The four-letter words can stay," he said, before adding hopefully, "And appropriate nudity if it shows up." With another reality rival reportedly being prepared by Universal studios on exactly the same subject and in exactly the same locale, let's just hope the news doesn't get through to the Big Brother lot. Or Marjorie the chicken might just be starring at a cinema near you.