60 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/ Rants, raves and randomness from the Empire office 17/05/2008 15:03:12 james@empireonline.com (James Dyer) http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=125 This may be the geekiest thing I’ve ever said, but if I could have a free webcam link-up with anywhere in the world right now, I wouldn’t plump for the usual salubrious suspects (so, Rosario Dawson, you can breathe a sigh of relief now and go about your business), but instead I’d choose to be connected to the office of Kevin Feige, President of Production at Marvel Studios. Why? Because, whenever he has his back turned, I’d be trying to sneak a peek at the documents on his desk. Because I’m guessing that somewhere there, amidst the scripts, the detritus and half-filled coffee mugs, there might well be a piece of paper with a bunch of names on it. The names of the actors who could well fill the shoes of The First Avenger: Captain America. Let’s ignore that horrible title – as Olly Richards so correctly pointed out in his story the other day, most people will just call the forthcoming movie ‘Captain America’, the same way as they&rs... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=125 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=124 I read with interest a lot of the reader comments about the new Incredible Hulk trailer. The main problem for those who didn't like it seems to be that the Hulk doesn't look real enough. It's a perfectly valid criticism – he doesn't always look utterly perfect and tangible – but it made me wonder if we've reached a point in cinema where we've lost the ability to suspend our disbelief. We are, after all, talking about a 10-foot tall green man, something you would be rather surprised to see standing in the queue at your local Tesco. Precisely how realistic can something entirely unrealistic be? We never used to be so picky. If somebody watches the original King Kong or any of the works of Ray Harryhausen, you will never hear them complain about how the skeletons were a bit jerky or that the big ape's fur didn't blow realistically when he was climbing the Empire State Building (if they do complain, however, you should feel free to shoot them on the grounds of wrongness and philistini... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=124 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=122 This is, perhaps, an odd thing for a film critic to admit, but sometimes I positively enjoy bad films. You know, the films with no pretensions to anything other than stupidity, the films that star bad actors or display ropey effects orjust don't do what they set out to do. I realise that Van Helsing, say, is hugely, horribly flawed, but there are Friday nights (following long weeks) when I'd rather watch Hugh Jackman run around after vampires like the star of a particularly violent Timotei ad than any number of worthy, accomplished, admirable award winners. That said, there's a limit. When new critics start here at Empire, we're often sent to review the worst of the worst, and as reviews editor sometimes I take a bullet myself instead of sacrificing one of my minions. And sometimes I suffer a fit of the head staggers and think something like, "I know! I'll watch Blonde and Blonder tonight!" So here's a rundown of the films so bad they're awful, the ones that aren't fun on any level,... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=122 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=123 I’m annoyed. This in itself is hardly an unusual occurrence but I feel the need to tell you about it all the same. I’m annoyed about Blu-rays, and no, it’s not because I was foolish enough to buy an HD-DVD Player only for it plummet into obsolescence the moment it left the box (Chris and Nick did, though). It's not because Blu-rays are in some way a bad format either. No, what really makes me want to take a bat to someone’s nethers is the prospect of having to replace my entire collection of shiny new DVDs with shinier newer Blu-ray discs when I’ve only just finished swapping out the last of my VHS tapes. Talk about moving the goalposts. Back in 1997, I was one of the early DVD adopters. There were precisely zero Region 2 DVDs available to buy in this country, but I went and forked out £600 for a Panasonic player (the only one available) with a multi-region chip hard-wired in. Armed with this cutting-edge piece of kit, I set about importing films from the ... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=123 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=121 Given that the most popular shows on TV these days often have a sci-fi or fantasy bent (Lost, Heroes, Doctor Who, Life on Mars) it's entirely possible for innocent viewers who don't know their Captain Picard from their Captain Birdseye to accidentally slip into geekdom. One minute you're innocently oggling David Tennant / Evangeline Lily, next minute you're considering the mechanics of time travel and wondering why Klingons suddenly developed bumpy foreheads between the original series of Star Trek and the Next Generation. But worry not, help is at hand! Using our simple check list below, you can assess whether or not you have already crossed the line, and find out if there's still time to get back to normality by mainlining episodes of Gossip Girl. Time to take THE QUIZ! 1. Take one point for each of the following that mean anything to you (in a sci-fi sense): BSG, DS9, NCC-1701, Flight 815, Ood, KJM 212K, the Minbari, Seven of Nine, Number Six, Reavers, Ziggy, Primatech Paper. <p... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=121 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=120 Of all the many magnificent set-pieces in the Indiana Jones series to date, my personal favourite is the horse/truck/car/motorcycle-and-sidecart chase in the third act of Raiders. It’s heartpounding class all the way, from Indy’s ‘screw the odds’ gallop down a sheer slope towards the Nazi convoy transporting the Ark, to his cheeky grin as he twists the hijacked truck’s steering wheel and nudges the motorbike off a cliff. But amid all the dusty mayhem and genius gags — check out the panicked fruit-picker falling onto the windscreen — there’s one element of the sequence that stands out. I’m talking about the daredevilry of one particular German officer, and how damn close he gets to despatching our hero for good. The Nazi, more genial-looking than your average movie henchvillain, sits in the rear of the truck with the rest of his unit, all of them charged with guarding the crated Ark at any cost. He appears to be the leader, judging... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=120 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=119 Why is everyone still picking on Tom Cruise? OK, jumping on a sofa to declare your love for someone is weird. And, yes, he is part of a religion that sounds, to some of us, like it may use Star Trek fan fiction as its holy scripture. But I don’t care about any celebrity’s religious beliefs. The thing is, Cruise has done nothing bad to anyone and, most importantly, continues to make very good movies and be very good in them. So why does he continue to be entertainment blog whipping-boy number one? I ask the question because, after a couple of years of mild snarking at Cruise’s expense, things seem to be turning vitriolic. A recent article by Roger Friedman on the FOX News website (I hate to encourage eyes to such bilge, but you can read it here) tears the actor apart without restraint or any pretence at objectivity, saying that his next film Valkyrie is destined for ridicule – based chie... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=119 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=118 Take a look at the new trailer for Meet Dave, go on, it’s right here. Seen it? Good, now how many of you laughed? Be honest. Nobody? Thought so! Remember when Eddie Murphy used to be funny? I know it was long ago, but what great days they were. Trading Places, Coming To America, 48 Hrs, Beverly Hills Cop - time was that his fast-talking, foul-mouthed schtick would have us open mouthed in awe. But now… well nothing. Once a cutting-edge comedian who gleefully stomped on the face of good taste and punctuated every sentence with a vitriol-fuelled “Fuck you” (see his brilliant stand-up gigs Delirious and Raw), Murphy’s ignoble fall from gigglesome grace is all down to his predilection for making box office friendly family movies – the money-spinning elephant graveyard where formerly funny folk go to die on their asses. Admittedly Murphy had plenty of hits and mis... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=118 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=117 Last week a US court ruled that the heirs of Superman co-creator Jerry Seigel have the right to claim a share of the copyright in the character (read the full story here), putting the cat well and truly among the Warner Bros pigeons. Will this put the final nail in the coffin of a Superman Returns sequel? And more importantly, will it signal the end of Superman onscreen at all? Here's the technical bit. The judgment itself is pretty complicated, and likely to be the subject of an appeal by Time Warner, the parent company of both Warner Bros and DC Comics, but it does say that Seigel's family should share in proceeds from the comics since 1999 - leaving open the question of whether they should also share in the profits from Superman Returns. In 2013, Joe Shuster's heirs will be able to bring the same case, re... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=117 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=116 There are many great things you can do with Lego: build spaceships; model a fortress for your hamster; stick pieces up your nose so that your mum has to take you to the hospital and then, again, inform you that you’re now 28 and it’s just not cute anymore. But, the best thing you can do with them, if you have a lot of time on your hands, is make movies. The finest example I've seen recently of this particular micro-movie phenomenon is the Dark Knight trailer entirely constructed from themed plastic. You've probably seen it before, but it's worth watching again below. This little bit of toy genius lead me on a time-wasting quest for the best Lego movies on the i... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=116 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=114 Recently, a Tory MP introduced a Private Member's Bill into Parliament to allow for parliamentary control of decisions by the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC). The bill failed (read all about it), but not before raising once again the question of violence onscreen and its relationship to violence in society. But, as ever when this subject is raised, I kinda feel like they're targetting the wrong films. ... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=114 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=112 I am, I think it’s fair to say, what you could describe as a cinema fascist. For me a trip to the local multiplex isn’t so much a night of enjoyment but an endless litany of irritations, injustices and insults perpetrated against my person by the general public. I suppose it’s an inevitable side effect of spending the better part of a decade being coddled by private studio screenings where we’re presented with nibbles, wine and the occasional Pret sandwich tray. Such screenings, where you're often one of only a handful present, have become the norm in my mind, so you can imagine the horror when I’m occasionally dropped headfirst into the howling, sticky sea of degradation and depravity that is your average fleapit performance. Frankly, it makes me want to have a shower. And then kill everyone in the room. And then have another one to wash the gore off my hands. An overreaction? Possibly, but why, I ask you, do people go to the cinema when they clearly have no interest in actua... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=112 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=111 So set to hit our screens next year are X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator Salvation: The Future Begins and A Night At The Museum 2: Escape From The Smithsonian. This year we have Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - which I perhaps should excuse here, because at least it's less unwieldy than The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe. Thing is, do we really need all these fripperies? Aren't these films actually just Wolverine, T4, Museum 2, Indy IV and Prince Caspian? Perhaps we should blame LotR - or rather the threesome comprised of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. Followed, as they were, by Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest and Pirates of the Caribbean: ... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=111 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=110 While the closest many of us will get to America is the cholesterol-filled goodness of a McDonald’s bacon double cheeseburger, it’s hard not to be enthralled by the current presidential race. In part this is fuelled by a sense of apocalyptic dread mixed with the need to watch the American people elect a new leader, one who wouldn't seem quite as at home among the cast of Sesame Street. But the other reason to stay glued to the news is that watching the race so far has basically been an opportunity to re-live the final seasons of The West Wing. The similarities can't have escaped any die hard fans of the show. Santos (Obama), a minority candidate with relatively little experience and almost no chance of winning the nomination, swoops in to steal the ticket from under the nose of established Democratic figure ‘Bingo’ Bob Russell (Hilary Clinton). But it goes on – his opponents on the red team are a devout Christian (Mike Huckabee) who is ultimately shouldered aside ... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=110 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=108 There's been a bit of a fuss in the press over the last couple of days about cinema concessions and food. Now some would call it a fuss about nothing (national news? Really?) but it does seem worthy of some attention in these hallowed surroundings. The story (read all about it here) is that a cinema patron was turned away after attempting to bring his own food into the cinema. His story is that food in the cinema is massively overpriced, and that he therefore decided to avoid it. Some reports assert that the box for the popcorn costs more than the popcorn that fills it, making a £4 charge for the same rather hard to swallow. It's also the case that bags of sweets, the (oversized) drinks and nibbles on offer are, on average, twi... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=108 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=106 Help me, dear readers, I’m in a quandary. With the so-long-awaited-I-actually-almost-died release of the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull trailer last week we’ve now seen something of almost all the big films of this summer (only Hulk’s still in hiding). And because it’s entirely possible that someone might come to my office, hold a gun to my head and tell me that I can only see one of these movies otherwise he’ll shoot me and then run over some puppies or something, I have to choose a favourite. And I don’t know which it is. For a long, long time I thought it was The Dark Knight, no question. It’s got superb credentials, everything shown of it so far is amazing and it features two of the Batman series’ best villains (please put Catwoman in the next one). Heath Ledger’s sad death has made me anticipate a different experience, but I’m no less eager to see what work he’s done, or how Christopher Nolan has built on B... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=106 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=105 In case you were unaware – and entire high streets full of tat conjuring new and nauseating combinations of red, chocolate, cuddly and polyester suggest this cannot be so – this Thursday is Valentines Day, the most loved and loathed of the year. Any single person knows that this is a day for couples who’ve long since lost any sexual, or intellectual, interest in each other to sit arranged in neat pairs in Italian restaurants, staring into their heart-shaped ravioli and wondering if any imminent obligatory sexual business will require them to take their socks off. All attached people know that anyone who thinks that is just bitter. But this is a time when we can all of us, duo or solo, turn to the movies for reassurance. The coupled up among us can convince ourselves that our relationship is as worthy of a power ballad as anything in Titanic and that love conquers all, while the less loved up can be certain that there’s someone out there for everyone/it’s all a loa... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=105 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=103 The dedication of Empire staff to bringing you all the movie news and behind-the-scenes information really knows no bounds. Recently, in a spirit of fact-finding, I headed to Paris to investigate the roots of the film Ratatouille, in the company of Pixar story supervisor Jim Capobianco and food-and-drink expert Nigel Landon. And - for you, dear readers, all for you - we took a tour of not one, not two, not three but four of the best restaurants in Paris. They provided the inspiration for the film's restaurant, Gusteau's, y'see, so it was totally research. Delicious, tasty research. Rocking up to the City of Lights, I was whisked almost immediately away to the sumptuous surroundings of La Tour D'Argent (right), a Paris institution for more than 100 years which provided the chief model for the exterior and dining room of Gusteau's. On the banks of Seine, overlooking the flying b... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=103 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=104 John Alvin, one of the great movie poster artists, has died of a heart attack, aged 59. Amongst his best known work are classic images for Blazing Saddles, Blade Runner (1982 and 2007 incarnations), The Little Mermaid and The Lion King. But, unsurprisingly if you know me, his work for Steven Spielberg is the closest to my heart. As a kid, I would fall asleep on Christmas Eve with one Spielberg poster hanging above my bed and awake the following morning with a newer different Spielberg poster to feast on. And it was John Alvin's work that most regularly captured my imagination; Alvin had a unique ability to capture the lucidity of Spielberg's imagery while retaining his own distinctive, painterly style. His images transcend their promotional function to become iconic works of art in their own right. ... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=104 http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=100 Roaming around the internet, I happened across this video... the Captian Kirk Kissing Montage. And I just had to share it with you all. This prompts several questions: 1. Has anyone else suddenly remembered why William Shatner used to be a bit of a heartthrob, instead of a brilliant self-parody? 2. How many different coloured beehive hairdos can one galaxy contain? 3. Did anyone else spot TV's first interracial kiss, tucked away there in the middle? Yes, Star Trek: not just for nerds, also for liberals! 4. How on Earth is (the very lovely, don't get me wrong) Chris Pine going to fill this man's shapely knee-high boots in the upcoming movie?... http://www.empireonline.com/empireblog/post.asp?id=100