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Reviews
STAR RATINGS EXPLAINED
Unmissable 5 Stars
Excellent 4 Stars
Good 3 Stars
Poor 2 Stars
Tragic 1 Star

FILM DETAILS
Certificate
15
Cast
Ashley Tisdale
Charlie Sheen
Simon Rex
Lindsay Lohan.
Directors
Malcolm D. Lee.
Screenwriters
Running Time
86 minutes

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Scary Movie 5
Five films, seven stars


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Plot
Jody (Ashley Tisdale), a ballerina, and Dan (Simon Rex), a primatologist, adopt three children – Dan’s nieces and nephews – found in a cabin in the woods. The kids are being haunted by a ghost called Mama.


Review
Scary Movie 5
The Scary Movie series managed four instalments between 2000 and 2006, so this fifth film counts as a reboot. The added time between instalments doesn’t seem to have encouraged any sharpening of the wit or additional effort on the part of the franchise’s owners. Wayans family involvement ended with Scary Movie 2 - indeed Marlon Wayans has A Haunted House, a competing Paranormal Activity parody, out soon. David Zucker is still in the room as producer and co-writer (with Pat Proft, of Star Wars Holiday Special and Police Academy fame) while the director is new-to-the-series Malcolm D. Lee (Undercover Brother) and Anna Faris’s spot is gamely taken by High School Musical blonde Ashley Tisdale.

This opens and closes with a laboured skit – featuring the Benny Hill Theme, seldom a good sign – in which Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan make fun of their tabloid troubles, in a depressing way which makes you miss the days when they were in amusing movies like Hot Shots Part Deux or Mean Girls. Then, rather surprisingly since advance word suggested this would mostly take shots at the Paranormal Activity films, it turns into a remake (with more blows to the head and babies set on fire) of Mama.

The sorry state of the spoofy movie is demonstrated by the now-ingrained habit of throwing in references to (rather than jokes about) a disparate bunch of movies. Whole reels of this are taken up by redos of chunks of Black Swan, Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes (lots of monkeys flinging poo), Inception and (prematurely) 50 Shades Of Grey.

Yes, there are whacky outtakes under the end credits – including multiple muffs of a gag involving a pop-up book that was so weak it didn’t get into the actual film. You have to admire the filmmakers’ commitment to being up to the minute, with a cut-down of the remake of The Evil Dead (a film which opens in the UK a week after this), but wonder why they didn’t think to include anything funny.


Verdict
Lacking a single honest laugh, this is shoddy by comparison with the other Scary Movie sequels… which throws it in a pit with Transylmania, Breaking Wind and Stan Helsing.


Reviewed by Kim Newman

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Your Reviews

Average user rating for Scary Movie 5
Empire Star Rating

RE: RE:

1st and second movie are decent the 3rd was crap the 4th was crap the 5th probably crap ... More

Posted by classics_are_best at 16:35, 01 May 2013 | Report This Post


RE:

L: omgitsgray NO WAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET BUT I'M COUNTERING THIS WITH 5 STARS!! You guys are just hating on it 'cause it doesn't use things conventional comedies do, like gags and puns and sarcasm but this is going to just be laugh out loud, rolling around FUNNY but for all the reasons you don't understand! Lohan is amazingly talented and she's never stopped being amazing and such a role model for girls. She was totally on the finger in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen whi... More

Posted by ElephantBoy at 14:01, 21 April 2013 | Report This Post


Bizarre

I remember laughing at the 3rd movie. Missed the 4th. Should have missed the 5th. The best part was when I left to go to the toilet. To add insult to injury I was meant to make it a double bill with Beyond the Pines, but the cinema/screen broke down and the screening got cancelled! : ( ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by tysmuse at 20:41, 14 April 2013 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

L: garvielloken L: omgitsgray NO WAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET BUT I'M COUNTERING THIS WITH 5 STARS!! You guys are just hating on it 'cause it doesn't use things conventional comedies do, like gags and puns and sarcasm but this is going to just be laugh out loud, rolling around FUNNY but for all the reasons you don't understand! Lindsay Lohan is amazingly talented and she's never stopped being amazing and such a role model for girls. She was totally on the finger in Confessi... More

Posted by Mister Coe at 02:07, 14 April 2013 | Report This Post


RE:

L: omgitsgray NO WAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET BUT I'M COUNTERING THIS WITH 5 STARS!! You guys are just hating on it 'cause it doesn't use things conventional comedies do, like gags and puns and sarcasm but this is going to just be laugh out loud, rolling around FUNNY but for all the reasons you don't understand! Lindsay Lohan is amazingly talented and she's never stopped being amazing and such a role model for girls. She was totally on the finger in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Qu... More

Posted by garvielloken at 11:26, 13 April 2013 | Report This Post


RE:

L: omgitsgray NO WAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET BUT I'M COUNTERING THIS WITH 5 STARS!! You guys are just hating on it 'cause it doesn't use things conventional comedies do, like gags and puns and sarcasm but this is going to just be laugh out loud, rolling around FUNNY but for all the reasons you don't understand! Lindsay Lohan is amazingly talented and she's never stopped being amazing and such a role model for girls. She was totally on the finger in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Qu... More

Posted by MonsterCat at 11:14, 13 April 2013 | Report This Post


Truly appalling.

Cycling haphazardly between the plots of Mama, Black Swan and Rise of the Planet of the Apes, this is an old joke, badly told. It's not 'offensive', it's not 'gross-out', it's not 'risky', it's just not funny (entirely subjective, I know). Hey, at least they didn't make it in 3D, right? ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by TheMightyBlackout at 10:54, 13 April 2013 | Report This Post


Oh dear.

I can't tell if the comment below is a joke or not. If it isn't people like that should be banned from the cinema, owning a television and having any access to social media. This franchise should have died with the second film. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by lkdisney at 15:35, 12 April 2013 | Report This Post


...

I counter your "you must 12 years old" 5 stars with this 1. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by Samurai7 at 14:48, 12 April 2013 | Report This Post


NO WAY! I HAVEN'T SEEN IT YET BUT I'M COUNTERING THIS WITH 5 STARS!! You guys are just hating on it 'cause it doesn't use things conventional comedies do, like gags and puns and sarcasm but this is going to just be laugh out loud, rolling around FUNNY but for all the reasons you don't understand! Lindsay Lohan is amazingly talented and she's never stopped being amazing and such a role model for girls. She was totally on the finger in Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen which was hilar as wel... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by omgitsgray at 14:26, 12 April 2013 | Report This Post


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