Empire's Piranha 3DD Movie Review

Piranha 3DD
The franchise goes bust….

Plot
A year after a prehistoric piranha attack, entrepreneur Chet (David Koechner) opens an adult-themed water park despite the advice of his marine biologist stepdaughter Maddy (Panabaker). At the grand opening, where celebrity lifeguard David Hasselhoff makes an appearance, the fish attack again.

Review

In the Hollywood feeding frenzy of gimmicked-up remakes of genre hits from the 1970s and ‘80s, Alexandre Aja’s Piranha (Piranha 3D on the ads) was a modest hit and an immensely enjoyable exploitation pic. While James Cameron was boosting 3D for its ‘immersive environment’ and cutting-edge tech, Aja went back to the old ballyhoo and tossed gore, tits and mutant fish out of the screen with all the relish of Robert Shaw scattering chum to attract sharks. It’s no surprise that, while we wait in vain for sequels to the reduxes of tentpoles like Friday the 13th and Nightmare On Elm Street, a new Piranha has been rushed through production and splashes down in multiplexes.

Directed by John Gulager, of the extremely gory direct-to-the-video-dungeon Feast franchise, this opens well: any film which begins with Gary Busey complaining of ‘a smell bad enough to knock a buzzard off a gut-wagon’ is off to a good start. Then, sadly, a protracted first act doesn’t catch fire as sundry good-looking youngsters get chomped in knockabout nastiness which isn’t that effective, while Gulager fails to be interested in a love triangle between a marine biologist (Daniella Panabaker), a handsome-but-crooked-and-chicken cop (Chris Zylka) and a nebbish water park employee who can’t swim (Matt Bush). There’s stuff about how the fish got from one lake to another and now into the orgiastic water park, but that’s just marking time too.

Things get an enormous lift when the crusty character actors come back: first Christopher Lloyd, reprising his role as a batty ichthyologist who gabbles out exposition; then Ving Rhames, returning as a now-legless deputy who is still afraid to go in the water but has a Robert Rodriguez-like flair with shotgun prostheses; and, best of all, ‘80s beach icon David Hasselhoff as himself. Gulager did something similar with Jason Mewes, an early casualty in Feast, but Hasselhoff’s game turn here as a faded celeb (he even takes digs about Anaconda 3) is the energy boost the picture needs. The Hoff wanders unflappably through the last-reel carnage with the zonked-out waywardness of a sham lifeguard who knows how to pose but has no idea how to help when the fish begin to eat the guests.

Verdict

Reviewed by Kim Newman

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Your Reviews

Average user rating for Piranha 3DD

Stupid
I didn't enjoy it, but my house-mates (+ room full of drunk friends) loved it. But they have no taste.....and laugh if you mention "poo-poos !" ... More


Posted by danielthompson99 at 15:59, 29 April 2013 \| Report This Post



terrible!
Piranha DD, the worst, most useless and wasted 80 minutes of my entire life. Words cannot describe how shockingly rubbish this film is and I will never watch another film from John Gulager as long as I live. However, judging by this atrocious piece of crap, this is the end of his career. I honestly feel sorry for the people who spent their money to watch this movie. Please do not buy this film, don't even look at it! ... More


Posted by ry23ed at 00:58, 26 October 2012 \| Report This Post



Double the D, double the Danger
3DD isnt as good or fresh as its proceedor, and it does at times feel a little recycled but this is a very enjoyable and laughable horror which is worth the watch. The film almost fits into the horror channel catagory but in a good way, almost like as if a film is so bad its good but the film is actually good. ... More


Posted by jackcarlin18 at 20:55, 17 July 2012 \| Report This Post



RE: A huge let down................
Piranha 3DD On one front this film does exactly what it says on the tin, its a creature feature boasting no more than soft porn and mindless killing via nasty sharp toothed fish. If you enjoy this type of film then you will possibly enjoy this 'comedy' horror, there is nothing to explain as its entirely obvious all the way through. On the other front you could also look at this as yet another completely pointless waste of money and time which offers absolutely zilch originality in any... More

Posted by Phubbs at 04:28, 13 June 2012 \| Report This Post



A huge let down................
I always thought Alexandre Aja's 2010 remake of Joe Dante's classic PIRANHA was a bit overrated. However, I was still excited for the sequel. I mean, it had David Hasselhoff, Gary Busey, Clu Gulager, Christopher Lloyd, and Ving Rhames in the cast and was set at a water park, so how could they possibly screw this up? Enter PIRANHA 3DD. The prehistoric, carnivorous piranha from the first film have swam out of Lake Victoria and find themselves in a lake just outside of The Big Wet, a sleazy w... More

Posted by s4dm4n at 09:32, 09 June 2012 \| Report This Post



RE: Haters Will Hate
I didn't find it funny at all, I didn't laugh once. I know they had a small budget but you'd expect a sequel to be bigger not this unimaginative mess.Nothing really happens in the main attack scene towards the end, it's so dull. Plus, the scene over the first lot of end credits is horrible. You can tell the film-makers thought so too as it is in black and white, I doubt they'd have got that passed the censors if it as in full colour. I quite like the first film, too. This one had none of... More

Posted by Shifty Bench at 21:18, 07 June 2012 \| Report This Post



Haters Will Hate
"It's got a KNOCKERS PUN IN THE TITLE!" ^^ This sums it up perfectly. I think it looks like GREAT fun, so if you like this sort of thing, it'll work. FYI found some hilarious Piranha 3DD movie quotes and videos here: http://www.ranker.com/list/piranha-3dd-movie-q uotes/movie-and-tv-quotes ... More


Posted by LaurieP at 22:12, 22 May 2012 \| Report This Post



RE: Terrible Fun
i though it was great fun horror films are what i do saw it tuesday afternoon. i was the only person there in the whole screening (lol) but yeah i though it was a lot better than the other one, the first one took its self way to serious but 3dd was exactly the right way to go, --exploding horses --an awesome Clu Gulager cameo --black guy with shotgun legs --nudity --some gore --one liners --the hoff as himself, and becoming the fish hunter with his own theme ... More

Posted by wzPUNISHERwz at 16:55, 17 May 2012 \| Report This Post



RE: Terrible Fun
A year after the attack on Lake Victoria by prehistoric piranhas, an eradication campaign has left the lake uninhabitable by life, and the town itself has been largely abandoned as a result of the drying-up of their main revenue source, tourism. At a nearby lake, two farmers walk into the water to recover the body of a dead cow and are attacked and killed by a swarm of piranhas from eggs laid inside the body of the cow hatch. Meanwhile Maddy, a marine biology student, returns home for the Sum... More


Posted by Dr Lenera at 08:33, 14 May 2012 \| Report This Post



Terrible Fun
Doesn't compare to the first film. Whereas 'Piranha 3D' featured plenty of suspence and a rewarding climax, this film provides cheap thrills and a final act that features very little bloodshed. The film is redeemed by brilliant performances from Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames and David Hasselhoff and by dialogue so poorly written that it's quite possibly the funniest that you'll hear all year. The film is of straight-to-DVD quality but not too disappointing as this is almost exactly what you exp... More


Posted by Kermit0101 at 12:11, 13 May 2012 \| Report This Post



Terrible Fun
Doesn't compare to the first film. Whereas 'Piranha 3D' featured plenty of suspence and a rewarding climax, this film provides cheap thrills and a final act that features very little bloodshed. The film is redeemed by brilliant performances from Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames and David Hasselhoff and by dialogue so poorly written that it's quite possibly the funniest that you'll hear all year. The film is of straight-to-DVD quality but not too disappointing as this is almost exactly what you exp... More


Posted by Kermit0101 at 12:11, 13 May 2012 \| Report This Post



Really?
As a massive fan of number one, this film was an unmitigated disaster, Mean-spirited, lacking the comedy, tension or characters that made number one so great. Or the quality 3D. Native was worse than post-con, crazy. ... More


Posted by Ethanial at 21:21, 11 May 2012 \| Report This Post



RE: Good fun
I can't wait to see it, I loved the first one, it knew what it was doing and made no apologies. Genius stuff ... More

Posted by Russ Whitfield at 18:54, 11 May 2012 \| Report This Post



RE: Good fun
I can't wait to see it, I loved the first one, it knew what it was doing and made no apologies. Genius stuff ... More

Posted by Russ Whitfield at 18:52, 11 May 2012 \| Report This Post



Good fun
Enjoyed this. It's on a smaller scale than the first film and there's nothing (gore wise) to match the mayhem in the first film but somehow it ends up being the better film. Disagree about it being lazily thrown together. Gulager was only given 2, yes TWO weeks to film the movie and considering that he's done a sound job. Small on scale, but funnier and a much more enjoyable flick than the first film. The 3D is a lot better too. ... More


Posted by The REAL Bozz at 18:23, 11 May 2012 \| Report This Post



Anyone who calls this bad is a flippin' flipper
i mean, it's not like they're making a Paul Thomas Anderson film, it's got a KNOCKERS PUN IN THE TITLE! it's great silly funny, and it's got the BAYWATCH theme in it. so, go watch it before I spoil the ending of Dark Knight Rises for you.... because I am Chris Nolan. ... More


Posted by Hughezyvstheworld at 17:51, 11 May 2012 \| Report This Post

Piranha 3DDThe franchise goes bust….

Piranha 3DD
The franchise goes bust….