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Reviews
STAR RATINGS EXPLAINED
Unmissable 5 Stars
Excellent 4 Stars
Good 3 Stars
Poor 2 Stars
Tragic 1 Star

POSTER ART
Click poster to enlarge
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FILM DETAILS
Certificate
15
Cast
Benjamin Walker
Mary Elizabeth Winstead
Rufus Sewell
Alan Tudyk
Marton Csokas
Erin Wasson
Anthony Mackie
Dominic Cooper.
Directors
Timur Bekmambetov
Seth Grahame-Smith.
Screenwriters
Running Time
TBC minutes

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Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
President Evil


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Plot
The life of Abraham Lincoln (Walker), the stock boy-turned-lawyer-turned-politician-turned-crusading President, who was also, it turns out, recruited by a mysterious Brit (Cooper) to hunt and kill vampires perpetuating the slave trade, and thereby their blood supply.


Review
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
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When Kazakh director Timur Bekmambetov broke through in 2004 with the hyper-stylish horror-actioner Night Watch, there was a tingling hope that his talents would not only translate to, but also invigorate, the Hollywood machine. His English-language debut, Wanted, with its ballistic balletics and gloriously eccentric touches (The Loom Of Fate?!) hit the spot. The signs, then, were good for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, especially as it wove in a fun-sounding mash-up concept (courtesy of Pride And Prejudice And Zombies scribbler Seth Grahame-Smith) and an attention-grabbing producer credit for Tim Burton.

Those signs, it turns out, were as reliable as putting a billboard announcing “Indoor Play Centre” outside Dracula’s Castle. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is a steam-locomotive wreck (which, funnily enough, features an actual steam-locomotive wreck caused by — possible symbolism alert! — a massive burning bridge). Between them, Grahame-Smith (who also scripts) and Bekmambetov have made the crippling decision to play this entirely straight, to the point of being inflexibly po-faced. The result is a B horror invading a stilted History channel reconstruction, which veers from the unwittingly ridiculous (“I would fight not with an axe, but with words and ideals,” Abe intones during the over-ladled voiceover) to the faintly distasteful; Gettysburg was a long time ago, but it somehow doesn’t feel right in a film that takes itself so seriously to portray a national-psyche-shredding tragedy as a luridly slo-mo vampire massacre.

It is visually awful. In grasping for some kind of period-appropriate authenticity, Caleb Deschanel’s digital cinematography is bleached, harsh, uncomfortable to view. The 3D is, as is so often the case, noticeable only in terms of how much extra weight has been uncomfortably placed on the bridge of your nose. The excessive digital FX are ineffective and oddly oily, especially during a daft sequence where Abe chases ever-hamtastic rent-a-baddie Marton Csokas over, and through, a horse stampede. At one point an obviously CG gee-gee is thrown at Abe by his bloodsucky quarry. It would be funny if this movie had a sense of humour.

There are occasional flashes of the old Timur — a mural comes to life to give a potted history of vampires; an aerial cityscape shot glitters as America’s citizens stockpile silver (which, in this story’s muddled lore, is fatal to vamps) — but they are lost amid all the hurried, tension-free demi-set-pieces and gratuitous speed-ramping. Only one person walks away from this unscathed: Abe himself, Ben Walker, a physically impressive and charismatic specimen who could do worse than keep the nose prosthetic and carve a career playing Young Liam Neeson in flashbacks and Taken reboots.


Verdict
The grave tone makes it stiff and leaden, the digi-saturated look is a turn-off. Damnable and disordered.


Reviewed by Dan Jolin

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Your Reviews

Average user rating for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Empire Star Rating

RE: P.S

I could never get my head around the concept,which I find weird because im open to usually anything (anything!!). Makes me feel that this film was (maybe) always going to fail because of its over the top subject. ... More

Posted by OPEN YOUR EYES at 14:27, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


RE: P.S

Where's the Empire review?   Edit: It's there now, wasn't the case earlier in the day. ... More

Posted by fuzzy at 14:24, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


RE: P.S

I'm disgusted to say that I'm seeing this later on (tickets booked, so no backing out) as I needed to see something new that I hadn't watched already. I had a feeling it wouldn't be up to much, but I fancy escaping from reality for a little while. Will send dispatch from the field later. ... More

Posted by Filmfan 2 at 14:05, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


P.S

Bet it still does £100 million just looked at last years top ten earning films and empire gave them all 3 stars or less(fast five the exception) and a few got 2 stars, the gap between critics and the public is getting wider by the day. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by Imrahill at 12:59, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


P.S

Bet it still does £100 million just looked at last years top ten earning films and empire gave them all 3 stars or less(fast five the exception) and a few got 2 stars, the gap between critics and the public is getting wider by the day. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by Imrahill at 12:56, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


Still going to see it!!

Cant possibly be any worse than MIB 3 or prometheus credit should be given for it not being sequel/prequel or re-boot.Clearly a leave brains at door kind of movie. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by Imrahill at 12:52, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


RE: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

Sounded like a crap idea when I first heard of it. Sounds like a crap film. May as well have included a time travel plot and a bunch of presidents as a vamp hunting squad/Avengers style pastiche, with old timey presidents in it and more recent ones and been called 'Commanders in Chief' or something, at least that could've been funny. (Reagan!! Bush!! Cut their fucking heads off, it;s the only way!!!/There is no requirement for harsh language in this matter, sir, fortitude is the tonic the soul ... More

Posted by jobloffski at 12:26, 21 June 2012 | Report This Post


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