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Reviews
STAR RATINGS EXPLAINED
Unmissable 5 Stars
Excellent 4 Stars
Good 3 Stars
Poor 2 Stars
Tragic 1 Star

FILM DETAILS
Certificate
12A
Cast
Jenn Proske
Matt Lanter
Diedrich Bader
Christopher N. Riggi.
Directors
Aaron Seltzer
Jason Friedberg.
Screenwriters
Jason Friedberg
Aaron Seltzer.
Running Time
82 minutes

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Vampires Suck
And so does this


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Plot
Becca (Proske) is torn between the love of two boys, Edward Sullen (Lanter) and Jacob White (Riggi). But which will she chose?


Review
Vampires Suck
Stephenie Meyer’s vampire tale and the cash cow that it spawned is a natural breeding ground for spoofs, but this is from Date Movie//Meet The Spartans creators Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, a pair who have never met a bandwagon they didn’t want to urinate all over. So we get the usual lame assortment of easy cracks, sight gags and pop culture references. Most of the cast look like they’re suffering through — the biggest crime is there are people here (including the likes of Ken Jeong, Diedrich Bader and Dave Foley) who have been truly funny in other things and are simply wasted. If you like this sort of thing, nothing will stop you going to see it. Otherwise: it’s terrible. Stay away.


Verdict
A Twilight pastiche with all the wit you'd expect from the makers of Scary Movie and Meet The Spartans.


Reviewed by James White

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Your Reviews

Average user rating for Vampires Suck
Empire Star Rating

Vampires Suck

The actors play exactly the type of caricature of their spoof-ies thats needed, and the atmosphere is actually recreated, and then mocked. So with those cases, Vampires Suck is Seltzer and Friedberg's most effective parody since the original Scary Movie. However, the film still remains one of the worst of 2010, as nothing can make up for 83 minutes of fart jokes, vulgar gags, and pop-culture references. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by norgizfox at 19:59, 13 October 2012 | Report This Post


vampires suck

despite other sites i would strongly reccomend this film. i saw this with a couple of mates and we were rolling with laughter. every joke or stunt cracked us up.if u hate twilight then this spoof, taking the piss out of twilight, is for you ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by w3 n33d th3 f1r3 at 13:47, 12 March 2011 | Report This Post


Better Than Twilight All Over.

Twilight haters, lend me your ears! Vampire Sucks is a funny mickey take of the annoying saga that is STILL running until 2012 when it finally ends (hooray!) The pefomances were great, especially the girl who did a fantastic job of Kirsten Stewart's constant pushing her hair and moody faces. While Twilight lovers would be outraged by this and others wouldn't enjoy it at all, Vampire Sucks is a must see for anyone who loved Scary Movie, Meet The Spartans, Date Movie or just a hater for all things... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by joanna likes films at 16:02, 08 March 2011 | Report This Post


Better Than Twilight All Over.

Twilight haters, lend me your ears! Vampire Sucks is a funny mickey take of the annoying saga that is STILL running until 2012 when it finally ends (hooray!) The pefomances were great, especially the girl who did a fantastic job of Kirsten Stewart's constant pushing her hair and moody faces. While Twilight lovers would be outraged by this and others wouldn't enjoy it at all, Vampire Sucks is a must see for anyone who loved Scary Movie, Meet The Spartans, Date Movie or just a hater for all things... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by joanna likes films at 16:02, 08 March 2011 | Report This Post


RE: Vampires Suck

I think this movie was okey, some of the jokes are hit and miss, but the actors, particuly the lead girl who was supposed to play Kristen Stewart, I thourght she was spot on with her unnessassery signing and hair figiting ... More

Posted by white mage at 21:40, 30 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

L: Deviation things probably only cost a few quid to make though don't they? Less than $10m is still enough of a profit to make another! ampire Suck cost 20 million. That's mightily expensive for a film so poorly made. rue, but I've just seen that The Hobbit is allegedly going to cost $500 million.... relatively speaking $20 million is cheap like the budgie! Just seen on IMDB that thanks to our cousins across the Atlantic it has already grossed $36m there alone.... prob... More

Posted by Super Hans at 16:43, 23 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

things probably only cost a few quid to make though don't they? Less than $10m is still enough of a profit to make another! ampire Suck cost 20 million. That's mightily expensive for a film so poorly made. ... More

Posted by Deviation at 15:45, 23 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

L: sanchia L: Deviation L: UTB L: naveed WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FINANCING SHITTY FILM LIKE THIS. he audiences who went to see the last one. thought Disaster Movie flopped. t made less than $10m profit worldwide so it would be deemed a flop. These things probably only cost a few quid to make though don't they? Less than $10m is still enough of a profit to make another! haven't watched a film like this since Scary Movie 2. That film wa... More

Posted by Super Hans at 23:05, 22 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: *round of applause*

L: BethN21286 I think someone should buy James White a bottle of champagne for his self-sacrifice of seeing this movie so no-one else should have to. Way to take one for the ] James! eam hyperbole? ... More

Posted by Emyr Thy King at 18:04, 22 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

L: Deviation L: UTB L: naveed WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FINANCING SHITTY FILM LIKE THIS. he audiences who went to see the last one. thought Disaster Movie flopped. t made less than $10m profit worldwide so it would be deemed a flop. ... More

Posted by sanchia at 09:22, 17 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

L: UTB L: naveed WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FINANCING SHITTY FILM LIKE THIS. he audiences who went to see the last one. thought Disaster Movie flopped. ... More

Posted by Deviation at 03:41, 17 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: RE:

i hadn't been to the movies for ages, and the mrs picked this one as it fit in with the babysitter, i can honestly say I was quite pleasantly surprised. It showed a deft comic touch and a knowing affectionate knowledge of the subject matter and several masterful comic performances. I give it a ten out of ten. I heartily recommend it, purely to those who have a pre-conceived avoidance of these types of films as I think you will be hugely entertained. ... More

Posted by chewbacasnapsak at 21:13, 16 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE:

L: naveed WHO THE FUCK KEEPS FINANCING SHITTY FILM LIKE THIS. he audiences who went to see the last one. ... More

Posted by UTB at 10:52, 15 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: The catch line should have been....

L: Bethany__ rial]I'll go see it, but only because it takes the piss out of Twishite. sp; And then you're giving the makers reason to keep making this drivel. ... More

Posted by tftrman at 10:27, 14 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: The catch line should have been....

L: Bethany__ arial"]I'll go see it, but only because it takes the piss out of Twishite. hen watch the million parodies which you can find all over the internet. Here's one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1glNuQiE77E ... More

Posted by Deviation at 10:23, 14 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: The catch line should have been....

Arial"]I'll go see it, but only because it takes the piss out of Twishite. ... More

Posted by Bethany__ at 09:08, 14 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: The catch line should have been....

I've never seen any of these films but I feel like I should to see how bad they really are. I've heard the superhero one is the series' highpoint, in that it actually contains one funny line. ... More

Posted by horribleives at 17:27, 13 October 2010 | Report This Post


RE: The catch line should have been....

I actually feel very strongly about suicide and it's implications for your family and friends and the devistation it can cause. However after catching 4 minutes of Meet the Spartans I had my head in my friends oven. I'd imagine this would produce a similar reaction. ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by Kilo_T_Mortal at 01:34, 13 October 2010 | Report This Post


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