Review of 2012

2012 (12A)

Plot
Scientists realise 2012 will see extreme weather effects, seismic activity and continent-sweeping tsunamis � and a secret multi-national project is undertaken to save a select few. Failed science fiction writer Jackson Curtis gets wind of this, and tries to save his family from the cataclysm.

Review
For decades, Cecil B. DeMille was Hollywood’s go-to megalomaniac when it came to big, simplistic, spectacular devastation, with side-orders of religion and/or patriotism. In the 1970s, Irwin Allen became Master of Disaster, and ships sank, buildings burned, volcanoes blew, cities fell and killer bees swarmed. Now, Roland Emmerich presides over the carnival of destruction, commanding huge budgets, wilfully ignoring scientific advisors to keep the plot boiling (for future reference, sudden continental drift probably will affect your cell-phone reception — but not in this film) and cracking a whip over slave-like hordes of computer-programmers piling up the pixels which render the unbelievable photo-realistic.

DeMille’s specialty was historical/religious epic and Allen perfected the ‘disaster movie’, but a necessary escalation means Emmerich has to resort to science fiction to slake audiences’ need for destruction on a super-colossal scale. Godzilla, in which a monster only attacks New York, is one of his smaller films. Having written off the beginnings of human history in 10,000 BC, Emmerich now turns to the immediate and terrifying future and tries to outdo the genocidal upheavals he wrought through alien invasion in Independence Day and global warming in The Day After Tomorrow.

The disaster cycle of the ‘70s had to escalate too — after an ocean liner and a skyscraper had been trashed in CinemaScope, the stakes had to be upped to an entire city in Earthquake and a continent or so in Meteor.
2012 has a less easy-to-sell (and, therefore, harder to worry about) concept than earlier moviemageddons — impending doom here isn’t just one big thing, but a matter of solar flares, planetary alignments, earthquakes and big waves, with Biblical overtones of the Flood.

What it boils down to is all the disasters from all the other disaster movies happening in one long film. Emmerich tosses off towering infernos by the dozen in single shots, throws Poseidon-like ocean liners (and aircraft carriers) into maelstroms like toys in a bathtub, has entire cities levelled by quakes or swept away by tidal waves (LA, Vegas and DC get it worst, this time), transforms a scenic national park into a volcano, and swamps the Himalayas with a tsunami which makes Peter Weir’s Last Wave seem like a ripple on a duck pond.

As expected, the script is a load of old cods, delivered in a hurry by the wildly overqualified likes of John Cusack (everyman Dad), Amanda Peet (underwritten ex-wife), Chiwetel Ejiofor (scientist with integrity), Danny Glover (humane Prez), Thandie Newton (cute First Daughter), Oliver Platt (weasely politico), Woody Harrelson (ranting doomsayer) and George Segal (twinkly old-timer). We get glutinous sentiment, weirdly appropriate low comedy, non-denominational religious mutterings (though the Sistine Chapel cracks and the Vatican collapses) and doses of dignified self-sacrifice, my-kids-must-live heroism and cutthroat politicking from characters competing to secure first-class passage on the Ark. Yes, there’s a cute yapping dog whose survival seems more important than the entire population of India.

Many times, cars and planes escape from disasters that seem to chase them off-screen as whole cities fall down or blow up. And the finale brings on an impressive Ark, and plays ridiculous suspense games as the fate of humanity depends on John Cusack holding his breath underwater and ungumming the grinding-works of huge doors.

Verdict
Fundamentally terrible, but almost irresistibly entertaining. Its horrors get a tad monotonous in the mid-section, but it�s still a value-for-money hoot.

Reviewer: Kim Newman

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Your Reviews

Average user rating for 2012

Rubbish.

The worst film of the year. Roland Emmerich has become something like Uwe Boll. There goes 3 hours of my life I'll never get back. ... Read More

nc_jj About me
21:00, 15 January 2010 \| Report This Post




Would it ever end....?

I still can't decide if this was comic or tragic. I don't think I was supposed to be laughing all the way through, but that was the effect. But when it went into the third hour I was calling 'time please'. The only thing that was missing at the end (to complete the farce) was John Cusack surfacing with the Chinaman's foot and sewing it back on. I can only think that no-one suggested that to Roland or he'd have printed it. And you don't get a second star for CGI these days. We've seen it all befo... Read More

serious_syd About me
16:38, 02 January 2010 \| Report This Post




Well........

Empire got it right, it WAS entertaining, but it was still a load of balls. It started off OK, what with the destruction of LA and all that, but, after that it just got worse and worse. By the time that they SPOILERS WARNING got on the ark, I just couldn't be bothered any more, so I started to count the other brain dead people around me and caught the eye of other people in the same situation as me. ... Read More

OllieG96 About me
19:56, 29 December 2009 \| Report This Post




2012

If your the type of person who loves special effects , explosions and disasters then this is the film for you. The effects just blew me away quite literally , there was plenty of suspense through out the film,there was even a few comical moments but not a decent plot. John Cusack played okayish in this but nothing compared to 1408 a true masterpiece.. ... Read More

deppfanatic About me
18:29, 26 December 2009 \| Report This Post




RE: Disaster film to end all Disaster films
I liked this film much more than I should have. I have no explaination why, though. The only bit I didn't like was the destruction of Los Angeles. There was just too much going on on the screen and the effects weren't as good as later on. What really blew my mind was the volcano sequence. Now, THAT was great CGI. ... Read More

grucl About me
08:36, 22 December 2009 \| Report This Post




Disaster film to end all Disaster films

Turn off your nitpicking brain and you'll enjoy this one. Fun is all this film is and if you can't see through the poor script into the harmless fun then your are simply a dull moviegoer. One thing I will say is besides the Russian man and his ugly kids this film had some pretty good casting. Chiwetel Ejiofor and John Cusack manage to be better than everyone else acting wise and Woody Harrelson works as the half crazy radio UFO nut...and that's all folks. Oh please no more disaster films Mr Em... Read More

sandyman002 About me
01:14, 17 December 2009 \| Report This Post




Comedic disaster.

Apart from the effects this film was a disaster of epic proportions.Bad diologue setups such as `I just feel we`re drifting further and further apart`(cue earthquake crack between them) Bad acting (most of the actors looked embarassed to be there).Cliched nationality stereotypes. More bad setups.The list goes on....and on....much like this film. Soon after L.A. slipped into the sea i kept slipping on the edge of my seat to stop nodding off!!As soon as the film decided to turn into Poiseiden ... Read More

arronskie About me
23:18, 16 December 2009 \| Report This Post




not even so bad its funny

O its really bad, 3 star from empire! your love affiar with mindless big budget hollywood has to stop, your reviews really mean nothing anymore! i wish i could rent a plane for a wrist watch, cos there will be plenty of pilots on the look out for a watch as the world crumbles around them, even my moron 5 yr old thought it was shit. ... Read More

anakin73 About me
19:22, 16 December 2009 \| Report This Post




Load of balls SPOLIERS

Started really promising if you like the big disaster movies. But then the 'limo escape' happened - a sequence with CGI so bad I thought i was watching an episode of Police Squad! Q ridiculous plot maneuvers (how many last ditch aeroplane escapes can u cram into one movie?) and WHY DOES EVERY CHARACTER have to have a 5min heart-to-heart with every other character?!?! YAAAAAWN! ... Read More

dark wombat2 About me
08:32, 09 December 2009 \| Report This Post






This movie reminded me of my first girlfriend. It got me all excited for a week or two, then afterwards left me scratching my knackers wondering what all the fuss was about. ... Read More

JapStrangler About me
07:32, 09 December 2009 \| Report This Post




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