Plot In the not-too-distant future, US Army grunts Duke (Tatum) and Ripcord (Wayans) are tasked with couriering “nanomite”-filled warheads, when they’re ambushed by mysterious baddies armed with supercool hi-tech weaponry — one of them Duke’s ex, Ana (Miller) — and saved by mysterious goodies with more supercool hi-tech weaponry. The goodies the Alpha Team of GI Joe, a secret international force formed for, uh, fighting baddies.
Review The trick with Stephen Sommers is not to take him too seriously. His Deep Rising (giant squid-monster attacks hijacked luxury cruiser) was immensely daft, but huge fun. Same goes for The Mummy. And there is a level on which GI Joe, his brash, loud take on the long-lived Hasbro toy line, is enjoyable. The way, for example, it embraces cliché. In one scene, chumpy hero Duke expresses his anguish by riding a motorbike through a military graveyard in the rain. Wearing sunglasses. In another, the token team ice-queen (Rachel Nichols’ laserbow-wielding Scarlet) announces to horny-dog Ripcord (Marlon Wayans, whose spoof credentials fit well) that she doesn’t believe in emotions because they aren’t scientifically provable. Even if they are.
The script is almost wilfully stupid, throwing out such anti-zingers as, “Damn, that ninja’s fast!”, “dead guys don’t breakdance”, and one gloriously random comment from The Baronness (Sienna Miller, slumming it) to a shrieking bystander she’s just threatened with a gun: “Nice shoes”. Hugging the dumb and making it fun is Sommers’ strength. For all The Mummy Returns’ flaws, it //did// have zombie pygmies. GI Joe has a robot tuna. However, Sommers also has his weaknesses.
Overcomplicating what should be simple plots with flashbacks, for example. One line of dialogue could have accounted for the three needless scenes in which we learn the roots of the rivalry between second-tier characters Snake Eyes (who has, for some reason, a mask with plastic lips) and Storm Shadow (a ninja who wears Daz whites). And, for no good reason, the prologue is set in 17th Century France.
Then there’s his propensity to overload a film with substandard visual effects. You’d have thought, maybe even hoped, that given a plot which involves human beings with guns rather than building-sized robots, he’d respect the Bond-influence he’s already cited and keep it practical and in-camera. Sadly not. A Parisian chase scene — yes, like Team America, these heroes trash the French capital — sees Duke and Ripcord leaping about in cyber-supersuits. The impression, appropriately, is that they’re being waved around by a giant invisible nine year-old. And the climactic undersea battle? You know Sommers wants us to think ‘Thunderball’. But the Bond movie this ugly mess most closely resembles is Die Another Day.
Verdict Bond without the style and Team America without the bellylaughs. The moronic script and nonsensical plot are good for a snicker, though.
Average user rating for G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra
Wasn't expecting much, but jeeeeezzz....
I wanted it to be good, even on a 'mindless action' level like Sommers' previous efforts, but it just isn't.
I think I came up with better plots and dialogue when I was playing with GI Joe figures many years ago. And possibly better acting as well. Its a shame, as others have said, because the potential was there. Who was the guy playing Duke? Was he aware that he was being filmed?
I found it slightly amusing that they just casually called each other "Duke" and "Snake Eyes" and "Ripcord"... Read More
Watched this on DVD last night. I happen to like sommers movies. they don't pretend to be anything that they're not. they're entertaining and a good way to spend 120mins of your life. beats watching celebrity big brother. more of the same please. ... Read More
Watched it on DVD last night. Now Sommers isn't know for his well crafted independant film making and so you book in for a few hours and get a a war film with toys in it - essentially what Action Force (to us brits) was always about.
Corny, cliched, a plot wriiten by a four year old yes, but all wrapped up in the fun etertainment it was meant to be.
As a collecter of the toys and comics as a child I was a huge fan so purely for cuiosity I watched it and was an enjoyable tw... Read More
Only one thing persuaded me to give this pile of nonsense more than one star. The Paris chase scene. Yes, of course, it's completely over the top, but that's the whole point. It's fun, yet it's so ridiculous that one doesn't even shudder at the magnificence of the French capital being ripped to pieces.
One of the criticisms of this film is that the scene showing the Eiffel Tower's demise is distinctly uncomfortable in the post 9/11 era. I disagree. The whole scene is so absurd, the movie... Read More
I was expecting cliche after cliche and that's exactly what i got. I was expecting awesome action scenes and special effects - and that's what I got. what I wasn't expecting was a genuinly funny script and some half decent character development. I disagree with the reviewer when he says that flashbacks revealing the characters pasts could have been avoided to save time. seeing has a lot more of an impact that hearing in this context. why would I want to hear the ninja talk about how he used to... Read More
I was expecting cliche after cliche and that's exactly what i got. I was expecting awesome action scenes and special effects - and that's what I got. what I wasn't expecting was a genuinly funny script and some half decent character development. I disagree with the reviewer when he says that flashbacks revealing the characters pasts could have been avoided to save time. seeing has a lot more of an impact that hearing in this context. why would I want to hear the ninja talk about how he used to... Read More
Never seen anything as fuckin' ridiculous as this in all my natural. Sooooo disappointing. For me though, it's not all bad, I'd rate this as the comedy of the year so far, unintentionally of course. This is a one star movie but I'll give it a two for the effort put into the special effects. ... Read More
Classic
Excellent
Good
Fair
Tragic
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
