Register  |   Log In  |  
Sign up to our weekly newsletter    
Search   
Empire Magazine and iPad
Follow Me on Pinterest YouTube Tumblr
Empire
Trending On Empire
100 Greatest Videos Games Of All Time
Robin Williams: The Big Interview
Empire Visits The Hobbit's VFX Team
Nick Frost:
My Movie Life

The World's End star's pick of the flicks
4Music's Size Does Matter
Introducing your new favourite app
Reviews
STAR RATINGS EXPLAINED
Unmissable 5 Stars
Excellent 4 Stars
Good 3 Stars
Poor 2 Stars
Tragic 1 Star

FILM DETAILS
Certificate
15
Cast
Orlando Bloom
Omid Djalili
Rafe Spall
Billie Piper
Ronni Ancona.
Directors
Alex De Rakoff.
Screenwriters
Alex De Rakoff
Derek Boyle
Raymond Friel.
Running Time
89 minutes

LATEST FILM REVIEWS
Into The Storm
2 Star Empire Rating
Police Officer's Wife, The
2 Star Empire Rating
Art Party
1 Star Empire Rating
God Help The Girl
3 Star Empire Rating
Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari, The
5 Star Empire Rating



5 STAR REVIEWS
Cabinet Of Dr. Caligari, The
5 Star Empire Rating
Two Days, One Night
5 Star Empire Rating
Some Like It Hot
5 Star Empire Rating
A Hard Day's Night
5 Star Empire Rating
Boyhood
5 Star Empire Rating

The Calcium Kid
Orlando Bloom as a London milkman turned Rocky-alike boxer.


submit to reddit


Plot
London milkman Jimmy becomes a hero overnight when a boxing promoter discovers that under his skinny frame lie bones of steel and a killer punch. Pushed into a match against US champ Jose Mendez, young Jimmy finds life gets tougher beyond his milk float.


Review
After sporting pointy ears and a blond wig and trading wisecracks with a grouchy dwarf for the past three years, Orlando Bloom's first solo gig should pique the interest of his ravenous followers. Set in South-east London, Bloom's place of birth, this low-budget boxing comedy is as far removed from Middle-earth as you can get, and sadly it's a disappointment all round as none of the integral elements of the film - script, acting or direction ù gel quite as well as they might, and what's left is an over-stylised advert for milk.

While initially looking promising (mainly due to the potentially exciting presence of its superstar-in-the-ascendant leading man), the film takes a sharp nose-dive with the arrival of a series of irritating and tired old characters, gravely overacted. The foreign,cigar-chewing, nonsense- spouting boxing manager, Herbie, the drunk old Irish trainer, masseur mother, slutty girlfriend - really, you couldn't find a sorrier bunch of clichés if you tried. Although tightly directed and utilising ambitious jump-cut editing, it's ultimately the script that leaves The Calcium Kid reeling. We've met these characters a hundred times, only they were much, much funnier before.


Verdict
Irksome, irritating and unoriginal. Bloom does his best to look like he's enjoying his little sabbatical from Hollywood, but not even he can raise the bar on this one.


Reviewed by Natasha Aitken

Write Your Review
To write your review please login or register.

Your Reviews

Average user rating for The Calcium Kid
Empire Star Rating

Great!

Funny and capturing. Empire, I hate to say it but your wrong! Billie Piper is fantastic in this film! ... More

Empire User Rating

Posted by pablo94 at 16:34, 30 May 2009 | Report This Post


SPECIAL FEATURE
The 301 Greatest Movies Of All Time EMPIRE READERS' POLL: THE 301 GREATEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME
You turned out in your hundreds and thousands, and here are the results... Browse the full list


CURRENT HIGHLIGHTS
The 24 Best Film-Related Ice Bucket Challenges
The viral craze that won’t quit takes in some of Hollywood’s finest

Who Shot First? The Complete List Of Star Wars Changes
An exhaustive chronology of George Lucas' post-release tinkering

Gamescom 2014: The 10 Most Exciting Games
Zombies! Guns! Tombs! Sheep! Watch the trailers right here...

Who Is Mack Bolan? Your Guide To Cinema's New Action Man
As Bradley Cooper lines up to star as the hero, here's your handy guide to his story so far

Film Studies 101: A Film Buff's Guide To Movie Movements
Everything you need to know about cinema's key groups

The 100 Greatest Games Of All Time
You voted, we counted, and here they are: beat-'em-ups, shoot-'em-ups, RPGs, JRPGs, MMORPGs, RTSs, first-person shooters, platformers, sims and much more!

Lists Of Our Lifetime: Empire's 25 Greatest Battles
From smalltime scraps to epic struggles, these are the conflicts that have stunned cinema since 1989

Subscribe to Empire magazine
Get 6 Issues Of Empire For Only £15!

Get exclusive subscriber-only covers each month!

Subscribe today

Subscribe to Empire iPad edition
Get The Empire iPad Edition Today

Subscribe and save maney on annual digital subscription

Subscribe today
Buy single issues

Get 6 issues of Empire for just £15!
Get the world's greatest movie magazine delivered straight to your door! Subscribe today!
Empire's Film Studies 101 Series
Everything you ever wanted to know about filmmaking but were afraid to ask...
The Empire iPad Edition
With exclusive extras, interactive features, trailers and much more! Download now
Home  |  News  |  Blogs  |  Reviews  |  Future Films  |  Features  |  Interviews  |  Images  |  Competitions  |  Forum  |  iPad  |  Podcast  |  Magazine Contact Us  |  Empire FAQ  |  Subscribe To Empire  |  Register
© Bauer Consumer Media Ltd  |  Legal Info  |  Privacy Policy  |  Bauer Entertainment Network
Bauer Consumer Media Ltd (company number 01176085 and registered address 1 Lincoln Court, Lincoln Road, Peterborough, England PE1 2RF)