"The Academy loves to salute range, like Kate Winslet. In The Reader, Kate Winslet, who is English, plays a German - nominated. Robert Downey Jr, an American, plays an Australian playing an African American - nominated. As you know, I am Australian, playing an Australian, in a movie called Australia - hosting."
Hugh Jackman on why he's not up for an award this year.
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"As you know, we're on a seven-second delay. If you win, we switch to a 20-minute delay, alright?"
Hugh Jackman to Mickey Rourke.
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"Fifteen career Oscar nominations - that's a record. It's hard not to think: steroids."
Hugh Jackman on Meryl Streep.
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"It's not easy, being a nun. I've been there. Your face never looks thin, you never get to wear pants and your love interest is always off screen."
Whoopi Goldberg to Amy Adams on her Best Supporting Actress nomination for Doubt.
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"This is NOT going to be forty-five seconds."
Penelope Cruz, winning Best Supporting Actress.
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Tina Fey: "It has been said that to write is to live forever."
Steve Martin: "The man who wrote that is dead."
Fey and Martin, presenting Best Original Screenplay.
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"There are certain places in the universe you never imagine standing. For me, it's the moon, the South Pole, the Miss World podium and here."
Simon Beaufoy.
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Jennifer Aniston: "What's your animation strategy?"
Jack Black: "Each year I do one DreamWorks project and take all the money and bet it on Pixar."
Introducing Best Animated Film.
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"You look like you work at a Hasidic meth lab."
Natalie Portman to Ben Stiller, who was channelling Joaquin Phoenix while presenting Best Cinematography.
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"Are you out of your mind? That's enough with taking the parts from the black people - brothers need to work! Congratulations on completing principal photography of your upcoming film - Shaft."
Cuba Gooding Jr to Robert Downey Jr on his Tropic Thunder nomination.
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"Tonight we are choosing to celebrate and be happy for what he has achieved."
Heath Ledger's family bring everyone to tears.
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"I asked to do this part because I love action movies, films with action and car chases and explosions and excitement and, what's the other word, FANS."
Will Smith on the appeal of the Effects awards.
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"Yes, it's still me. I believe Hugh is napping."
Will Smith, presenting his fourth technical award.
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"If laughter is the best medicine it's time to pay tribute to a man who's had his own universal health-care coverage for the last 60 years."
Eddie Murphy on humanitarian award winner Jean Hersholt.
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"All my life, I had a choice of hate or love. I chose love, and here I am."
A. R. Rahman, offering a big incentive to be nice to people.
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"My kids are too old to remember this now but I swore it if this miracle ever happened, I would receive it in the sprit of Tigger from Winnie the Pooh."
Danny Boyle, explaining why he leapt up and down when receiving his Oscar for Best Director.
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"I'd be lying if I haven't made a version of this speech before. I was eight years old and staring into the bathroom mirror. This would have been a shampoo bottle. It's not a shampoo bottle now."
Kate Winslet.
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"Dad, whistle something so I'll know where you are. [WHISTLE] I LOVE YOU!"
Kate Winslet, trying to find her parents in the audience.
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"How for so many years did Sean Penn get all those jobs playing straight men?"
Robert de Niro on Sean Penn's performance in Milk.
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"You Commie, homo-loving sons of guns. I did not expect this."
Sean Penn feels that Hollywood may have liberal leanings in giving him Best Actor for Milk.
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"Keep on watching movies. Goodnight."
Hugh Jackman brings the night to a close.
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