Monday February 23, 2009, 04:56 (GMT)
And that's it...right?
"For everyone watching, keep making movies and keep going to see them!" And that's all she wrote, folks (which is just as well, cause that's all I CAN write). Eight awards for Slumdog Millionaire, Kate Winslet finally rewarded, Heath Ledger commemorated. It may not have been a night of surprises, but it was by no means a bad Oscars, and while we're disappointed for a few favourites, we haven't thrown a single cupcake at the TV out of anger. Mostly cause we'd eaten them, otherwise Claudia Winkleman would've been pelted, but that's not the point. The point is, films are great and even though the Oscars usually don't nominate or award the best people of the year, they still remind of us of that single, overarching fact. And with that, we're off to bed.
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:53 (GMT)
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!
They're mobbing the stage! Even the kids! Yay! "Thank you so much. As you can see, our film was a collaboration between hundreds of people and I'm so happy that so many of them could be here tonight. Together we've been on an extraordinary journey. When we started, we had no stars, no power or muscle, not enough money to do what we wanted to do. But we had a script that inspired people, a crew that were talented and a shared love for the city of Mumbai. Most of all, we had passion and belief, and this shows that if you have those you can do anything."
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:47 (GMT)
Best Picture
"Please welcome the guy I've been trying to impress all night with my Australian accent, Steven Spielberg!" Empire's The 'Berg is presenting the Best Picture montage, cleverly cutting films of yesteryear that relate to the nominees this year in with the normal footage: so for Frost/Nixon, we get Apocalypse Now and All The President's Men. Slumdog gets cut with Million Dollar Baby, Forest Gump, Casablanca. The Reader with Lost In Translation, The Graduate, Saving Private Ryan, Schindler's List, Life Is Beautiful. Milk is mixed with The Life and Times of Harvey Milk (the documentary), Braveheart, Network, Mr Smith Goes To Washington, Gandhi, Raging Bull. Ben Button gets Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, The Godfather, Good Will Hunting, A Beautiful Mind, It's A Wonderful Life, Shakespeare in Love. Hmm, nifty. And the Oscar goes to...SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE! YAY!
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:43 (GMT)
Sean Penn
"Thank you. You Commie, homo-loving sons of guns. I did not expect this, and I want it to be very clear that I do know how hard I make it to appreciate me, often. But I am touched by the appreciation. I did scribble down some names, in case you were Commie, homo-loving sons of guns. As all us actors know, our director either has the patience, talent and restraint to grant us a voice or they don't, and there are no finer hands to be in than Gus Van Sant. Finally, for those who saw the signs of hatred as our cars drove in tonight, I think that it is a good time for those who voted FOR the ban on gay marriage to sit and reflect on their shame and the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue in that support. We've GOT to have equal rights for everyone. Last two things: I am very, very proud to live in a country willing to elect an elegant man president, and despite being tough, to create great artists - and this is with respect to ALL the nominees - to create great artists, he rises again, Mickey Rourke, he is my brother!" Yay!
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:37 (GMT)
Best Actor
An Actor montage at last. And there are some BIG names presenting. Michael Douglas takes Frank Langella: "The pitfalls of playing a real figure are too numerous to mention. Minutes into the film all comparisons to the real figure or other portrayals falls away. Your work on this film is incomparable, and I salute you for that." Robert De Niro on Sean Penn: "How did he do it? How for all those years did Sean Penn get all those jobs playing straight men? Being a movie star can get in the way of acting, but not for Sean. Sean brings the same commitment to his offscreen life, when he respectfully advises world leaders and calmly negotiates with the paparazzi." Adrien Brody on Richard Jenkins: "If you google Richard Jenkins, you'll find sixty roles in the last 25 years. You're unquestionably recognisable, but tonight, I'm happy that you get the recognition." Anthony Hopkins on Brad Pitt: "Brad Pitt, the leading man we all know, shows up about two thirds of the way through Benjamin Button. Before that, we've seen a great, great performance from a great actor. Magnificent job, my friend." Sir Ben Kingsley on Mickey Rourke: "Randy the Ram Robinson gets a second shot in the ring and in his life. But why do we care for a bleached blond, battered bruiser? There's one very good reason: Mickey Rourke. Only a fiercely honest actor could be so effective as a guy who hasn't had it easy but gets a chance at redemption. Welcome back, the returning champ, Mickey Rourke! And the Oscar goes to....Sean Penn. We were pulling for Rourke.
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:32 (GMT)
Kate Winslet
 "OK, that fainting thing, Penelope! I'd be lying if I haven't made a version of this speech before - I think I was 8 years old and staring into the bathroom mirror, and this would have been a shampoo bottle. Well, it's not a shampoo bottle now! I feel very fortunate to have made it from there to here, and I'd like to thank the people who had faith in me - Mum and Dad. Dad, I know you're in this room somewhere, so whistle so I'll know where to look (there's a whistle) I love you! From Peter Jackson to Emma Thompson to my very own Sam and Stephen Daldry, I'm very lucky! To have been surrounded by a remarkable chain of people who provided unbreakable support, and I'm so lucky to have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children who let me do what I love. And I want to thank Sydney and Anthony, looking down on us. And I want to thank my fellow nominees, these goddesses! I think we all can't believe we're in a category with Meryl Streep, my God! And Meryl, you'll just have to suck that up! My God! Thank you!" That was kinda lovely, if emotional and over-enthused. Well earned at last!
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:25 (GMT)
Best Actress
ANOTHER Best Actress montage? We've already had one of those. Previous winners are here to present again. A strangely long ovation greets them. Shirley Maclaine salutes Anne Hathaway (a good fit, given how awesome Maclaine was at taking both comedy and drama together back in the day: "This is your first nomination but I think there will be many more after this. And by the way you have an extraordinary voice, so keep singing!") Marion Cotillard takes Kate Winslet in a rather breathy speech. ("This is yet another unforgettable portrait from one of our most gifted actresses and one of our most inspiring. Thank you!") Halle Berry takes Melissa Leo: ("I've been lucky enough to make a small, independent film that made it onto this stage at the Oscars. How wonderful it is to see it happen again.") Sophia Loren does Meryl Streep: ("Her very name represents excellence. For this record you have had 15 nominations, and we behold the astonishing Meryl Streep.") Nicole Kidman does Angelina Jolie: ("a woman brought to life by the very modern gifts of Angelina Jolie. As one who would not let her son be forgotten, you were unforgettable") And the Oscar goes to...KATE WINSLET! AT LAST!
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:21 (GMT)
Danny Boyle
(jumps up and down) My kids are older now and probably don't remember this but once, years ago, I promised me kids that if I ever won this I would do so in the manner of Tigger, so that's what that was. I want to thank the Academy, you've been so generous tonight and put on a great show. I don't know what it looks like at home, but it's been wonderful here in the room. Finally, just to say to Mumbai, all of you who helped us make the film and all of you who didn't, thank you so much. You dwarf even this guy." YAY! No self-agrandisement, just sincere thanks to everyone else. He was here in the office a few weeks ago you know - couldn't happen to a nicer man.
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:18 (GMT)
Best Director
The outgoing President of the Academy has, "as a gift to us" agreed not to make a speech tonight. Smooth, Jackman! Reese Winterspoon, in an ace dress, is presenting Best Director and explaining what they do. "They can even play hostage negotiator when a certain actor is refusing to come out of their trailer. Not that I'm talking about myself. But you know who you are...Ben Stiller." We're all like [Rob Schneider] You can do it Danny[/Rob Schneider] And the Oscar goes to... DANNY BOYLE, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!!!! YAY! YAY SOME MORE!
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:11 (GMT)
Obituaries
Queen Latifah is introducing the Obituaries. Here we go... She's singing All The Old Familiar Places... Cyd Charisse, Bernie Mac, Bud Stone, Ollie Johnstone, Van Johnson, J. Paul Huntsman, Michael Crichton, Nina Foch, Pat Hingle, Harold Pinter, Charles h. Joffe, Kon Ichikawa, Charles Schneer, Abby Mann, Roy Scheider, David Watkin, Robert Mulligan, Evelyn Keyes, Richard Widmark, Claude Berri, Maila Nurmi, Isaac Hayes, Richard Montalban, Manny Farber, Robert DoQui, Jules Dassin, Paul Scofield, Warren Cowan, Leonard Rosenman, Joseph M.Carrociola, Stan Winston, Ned Tanen, James Whitmore, Charlton Heston, Anthony MInghella, Sydney Pollack, Paul Newman. RIP all.
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:07 (GMT)
Yojiro Takita
"Thank you to all the Academy. Thank you to everybody who helped make this film, I am very very happy! I am here because of films! This is a new departure for me! And we will be back!" Best Speech EVER! Even referencing Arnie (possibly not on purpose)
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:05 (GMT)
Best Foreign Film
Liam Neeson and Freida Pinto presenting? Why? Cause he starred in Taken about a girl taken into sex slavery and her character sort of was in Slumdog? It's Best Foreign Film, cause they're both a wee bit foreign, see? After all, Americans don't really get the Ballymena accent and think he's speaking Gaelic even when he's not. And the Oscar goes to...DEPARTURES, Japan. Wow, the one no one's heard of! There's a turn up.
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:04 (GMT)
Thought For A Pause
Here's a thought: it's looking like a Slumdog sweep, right? But then we seem to remember it looking like a Brokeback sweep a few years back and things went horribly askew, so.... On the bright side, Danny Boyle's shown genuine delight when his colleagues have won, so we think he'll leave feeling pretty good anyway.
Monday February 23, 2009, 04:02 (GMT)
AR Rahman Again
"I just want to thank again the whole crew of Slumdog Millionaire, and all the people from Mumbai, and the essence of the film which is about optimism and the power of hope in our lives. All my life I've had the choice between hate and love. I chose love and I'm here. Thank you." Dude! A R Rahman rocks. What a lovely speech.
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:56 (GMT)
Best Original Song: And Another Medley!
"If the score is the narrative of a movie, the song is the punctuation..." God we hate these intros. But now it's a Songs medley! A R Rahman's back up, singing from the soundtrack: this guy's doing it all tonight. Singer M.I.A. gave birth this week, which rather complicated this whole number. The format's one Slumdog nominee, then John Legend singing Down To Earth (not a great fit. Remember Peter Gabriel earlier explaining that he didn't want to be part of a medley? Wait, Legend's got better as he hit the chorus) and then Jai Ho, also from Slumdog. Seriously medleys are ALWAYS a bad idea - corny and bad. When will the world learn this? Or am I the only one who despises them with the fire of a thousand suns, however well put together technically? Also, it may be fatigue hitting, but we can't let the TV say Wall-E without repeating it in Wall-E speak. Oh dear. Ahem. But the Oscar goes to... JAI HO, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. Gosh they're having a good night.
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:55 (GMT)
A R Rahman
"Before coming, I was excited and terrified. The last time I felt that was during my marriage. There's a Hindi film called 'I have nothing, but I have a mother', so she's here, and I want to thank her for coming all this way. I want to say God is great, thank you." He loves his mum. Bless!
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:50 (GMT)
Best Score
Hugh's quoting Audrey Hepburn, in preparation for this medley (shudder) from this year's nominated scores. Michael Giacchino is conducting. We wish it were Michael Cimino, cause that'd be impressive. Still, after writing frantically for however many hours it's been, I'm finding this quite relaxing.,fgccvsdaksldhfjlaiuwyhrhfvug Hugh! Whoops, fell asleep and head hit the keyboard there. Where were we? Zac Efron and Alicia Keyes are presenting this one. He looks wild around the eyes. And the Oscar goes to...SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE, A.R. RAHMAN
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:42 (GMT)
The Jean Hersholt Award - Jerry Lewis
Eddie Murphy! "It's often said that comedians are just overgrown children, but it's also true that we like to raise a smile. And if laughter is the best medicine, here's a man who's had his own universal health-care plan for the last 60 years. Jerry Lewis has had a huge influence on my career and that of many other comics, but that pales in comparison to the effect he's had around the world on what are known as Jerry's Kids." He's done lots of work for children with muscular dystrophy, raising over $2 million for the cause. Well done Mr Lewis! "I will pass through this world but once, so any good I can do, let me do it now," says Lewis in a voiceover. We've just become big fans. "From one Nutty Professor to another, it is my another, it is my honour to present the Jean Hersholt award to Mr Jerry Lewis!" says Murphy. Lewis is actually looking rather hale. "Thank you so very much. For most of my life, I thought that doing good for someone didn't mean you would receive commendation for that act of kindness, at least until now. This award touches my heart and the very depth of my soul because of who the award is from, and who it will benefit. The humility I feel is staggering, and will stay with me for my life. Thank you to the movie business - it's such a joy being part of you, and part of what you do. Thank you, and good night!"
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:34 (GMT)
Chris Dickens - Film Editing
"Yes, they still have me here," says Smith. "I think Hugh is napping." And the Oscar goes to... SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE " Thank you so much for this, thank you everyone who voted for me. I just want to say I had a fantastic time working on this film. I had a wonderful time in India, so I'd like to thank my crew there and also in India. Thanks especially to Danny for just producing such great material, such fantastic stuff to work with. Thank you, you really inspired me."
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:31 (GMT)
Resul Pookutty - Sound Mixing
"Sound mixers have been called the superheroes of post-production, and not just by their mommas; other people say it too," says Smith. We heart him. And the Oscar goes to...SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE "This is unbelievable (heavy breathing). I share this stage with two magicians who created the very ordinary sounds of Bombay in the heartrending sounds of Slumdog Millionaire. I dedicate this award to my country - this is not just a sound award, this is history being handed over to me. My sincerest thanks to my teachers, Danny Boyle...Thank you Academy." We're saying he's the winner most likely to faint.
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:29 (GMT)
Richard King - Sound Editing
And the Oscar goes to... THE DARK KNIGHT. Richard King accepts the award. "As a kid growing up in suburban Florida I was obsessed by movies but Hollywood seemed to be a million miles away, I never thought I'd be here, but I'm thrilled to be part of a creative industry where it's fun to go to work every day. I'd like to thank Chris Nolan, who's fun to work with, very detailed-oriented and made going to work just a joy."
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:27 (GMT)
Eric Barba - Outstanding Visual Effects
"Oh my god. On behalf of us all, I'd like to thank the Academy for this incredible honour...To my kids, I'd just like to say, work hard and never give up."
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:22 (GMT)
Specialest Effects Ever - It's Another Montage!
Hugh, in the new format that goes through filmmaking stage-by-stage, has now reached post production. It's Effects time, people! In other words, say hello to all the films that made money and won't be nominated anywhere else. Will Smith is presenting, weirdly being ushered on by the Dark Knight music. "I asked to do this part because I love action movies, films with action and car chases and explosions and excitement and, what's the other word, FANS." You tell 'em Will! And Outstanding Visual Effects goes to... THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:17 (GMT)
Best Documentary Short
And the Oscar goes to...Smile Pinki. "Waow! Oh, to be in a room with all this talent, lucky me, and to tell stories for a living, lucky me. Documentary like all filmmaking is a team sport, and I'd like to thank all my team. The same magic that happens for all film happens every day around the world for children with clefts because of a charity called Smiles. Thank you, thank you, what a gift!"
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:15 (GMT)
Man On Wire
"Thank you to everyone who was in the film, and who worked on the film. Nothing is impossible!" Phillipe Petit: "The shortest speech in Oscar history: YES! But then I always break my own rules." And then he thanks a few more people, performs a disappearing coin trick, and balance the Oscar upside down on his chin! (Not even kidding about that last bit. What a dude).
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:11 (GMT)
Best Documentary
It's another montage, of the documentaries of the year, with the filmmakers talking about the explosion of documentary making in recent years. First bleeping of the night in one of those interviews! Bill Maher: "Thank you very much - everyone's crying and now I have to go on! Now as a producer and star of a documentary of my own this year, the one about religion that wasn't nominated. It's a controversial one I know, but some day we have to accept the idea that our silly gods keep us apart... I wish you could join me in applauding all the documentarians. You should go see all their movies more - starting with mine!" And the Oscar goes to... MAN ON WIRE!
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:08 (GMT)
Heath Ledger - accepted by his family
Kim Ledger (his father): First of all, I have to say this is ever so humbling, being amongst such wonderful people. Firstly, we'd like to thank the Academy for recognising our son's amazing work, to Warner Bros and Christopher Nolan in particular for allowing Heath the creative licence to explore this character. This award tonight would have humbly validated Heath's quiet determination to be accepted by you all here, his peers, within an industry he so loved. Thank you." Sally Bell (his mother) "We have been truly overwhelmed by the honour and respect being shown him with this award. Tonight we are choosing to celebrate and be happy about what he achieved." Kate Ledger (sister) "We really wish you were here, but we proudly accept this award on behalf of your beautiful Matilda." Not a dry eye in the house, except for his family, who managed to hold it together and really make it a celebration.
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:03 (GMT)
Best Supporting Actor
We've got Christopher Walken, Kevin Kline, Cuba Gooding Jr, Alan Arkin and Joel Grey presenting Best Supporting Actor. Alan Arkin gives a funny and touching tribute to Philip Seymour Hoffman in Doubt; Joel Grey salutes Josh Brolin ("Last year's winner of this award won for trekking through the desert with superhuman determination to shoot and kill this nominee..."); Cuba Gooding Jr stands for Robert Downey Jr ("Now let's talk about taking risks, shall we? To be a white actor, playing a white Australian actor, playing a black actor, in blackface, I'll say it: are you OUT OF YOUR MIND?! Enough taking work from the black man, brother needs to work. But congratulations on your nomination and on your upcoming photography on the new movie Shaft."); Christopher Walken takes Michael Shannon, who plays a role with "no filter between what he thinks and what he says"; and finally Kevin Kline talks about the late Heath Ledger as the "droll and diabolical" Joker. And the winner is...HEATH LEDGER
Monday February 23, 2009, 03:01 (GMT)
The Musical Number
Between the endless US ad breaks and the endless UK ad breaks and filler, this is dragging. Apologies if this blog is doing the same.
Jackman's back! "You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this suit." (white tie) "Mamma Mia has sold more tickets than Titanic in the UK. The musical is back! I can't wait to see Doubt: The Musical".
Now he's gone into a Astaire-alike Top Hat riff. With Beyonce. In a showgirl one-sie and top hat. Now they're singing Grease? Dearie dear. Minus marks there. West Side Story, Chicago, Lady Marmalade? Beyonce's now got backup from Vanessa Hudgens and Amanda Seyfried, and they're singing Hairspray. And she's reprising At Last from Obama's inauguration, but being sung over by Zac Efron and Hudgens with a HSM song. And Cooper and Seyfried with ABBA. And Beyonce's hitting Evita.
This is weird. After all, there's no way to do a musical montage without being cheesey, but this is four cheese with extra mozzarella. No disrespect to the performers, who are giving it everything they've got, just the arrangement. Penelope Cruz' eyebrow lift says it all.
That said, if the musical is indeed back like Jackman says, we want to see him star in one.
Oh. Baz Luhrmann created that particular number. Well, we don't want to kick a man while he's down.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:48 (GMT)
Jochen Alexander Freydank
"This is a surreal moment for me, because I grew up in East Germany behind the Wall. So West Germany was far away, and America was farther away, and this was too far to even think about. I spent four years of my life on this 14 minute movie, because it was a story I really wanted to tell. I hope this little guy here helps us in our future careers" Well done you sir!
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:46 (GMT)
Best Short Film
"If you liked that piece, I'm proud to say that I helped to write it; and if you didn't, it was all Judd Apatow," says Rogen. He and Franco are joined by Kaminski again, smiling broadly and speaking brokenly for the joke. He's the first DoP to ever present - take that, Deakins! And the winner is...SPIELZEUGLAND
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:43 (GMT)
It's The Comedy Montage
It's a Pineapple Express bit: Seth Rogen and James Franco watching pirated copies of all the comedies of the year. And, er, The Reader. Which they're laughing uproariously at. "Who do you think is a better actor: Ronald Reagan or Barack Obama?"
"That's Robert Downey Jr, dude" And now they're laughing at Doubt, and getting a bit misty-eyed as Franco's character in Milk gets his kissing on with Sean Penn. And stapling each other while watching The Wrestler. "Why is there a film crew in my apartment? Look, it's Janusz Kaminski, the cinematographer from Saving Private Ryan" (waving two Oscars). OK, you maybe had to be there, but that was chucklesome.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:39 (GMT)
The Technical Bit!
Jessica Biel appears to have left a giant dinner napkin tucked into her dress after her meal earlier - oops. She's giving a big up to the awesome Ed Catmull: the guy who built the technology Pixar uses and, we just learned, the technology used in 44 of the last 47 films nominated for Best Visual Effects. And now we've cut back to Sky. Sigh. Between British ads and US ads, this is a very slow show. As Johnny Carson once said, it's two hours of scintillating entertainment spread out over a four-hour show. Or, at this rate, a five-hour show.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:35 (GMT)
Anthony Dod Mantle
"I found that inspiring, Natalie and Ben. If I could use as few words on the set of Slumdog...I couldn't do it. I have to thank the Academy - I am very honoured by this beautiful thing. I'll try to thank people every day from now on - that's my new policy, to thank people more on set. I want to thank my wife, because she keeps the door open when I get home and doesn't slam it. Danny, it starts with you, but there are thousands of people with you and under you, and I want to thank you all tonight." Nice speech!
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:30 (GMT)
Best Cinematography
Cinematographer's coming up. Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller (an odd pair) are presenting....wait, he's doing a Joaquin! He's got the beard and everything. She's playing professional, he's chewing gum and looking off to one side. Even Steven Spielberg is giggling. Stiller claims that he wants to retire from being "the funny guy" and maybe do cinematography. Stiller's wandering around now as Portman womanfully struggles not to burst out laughing as she works through the usual bumph. And the Oscar goes to...Anthony Dod Mantle, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:25 (GMT)
We Need A Montage
Amanda Seyfried and Robert Pattinson are talking about relationships with reference to their hits this year - "I had to become a vampire to find the right one", says he, while she follows with, "I had three fathers". Then it's a romance montage. Awwww. They're a week or so late on this one; it would've fit well for Valentine's Day. Hmm, they've included Revolutionary Road quite a bit. That's not romantic. That's like the anti-romance. But then there's Wall-E, and we're seeing hearts and flowers again. Great. Good-looking people gettin' some. That's what we all need to see.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:24 (GMT)
Make-Up - Greg Cannom
And the Oscar goes to... THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON He reads out a list of names very fast - ain't no way we're going to try to transcribe those. But it's a deserved win, eh? I mean, say what you like about that film, but the make-up's fab. That guy went FAST.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:23 (GMT)
Michael O'Connor
"It's absolutely unbelievable. I've got to thank Paramount Vantage and Pathe for promoting the work in this film. I was a risk, and I hope I've paid off."
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:20 (GMT)
Costume Design
This is totally why they got SJP to do this section. We see the actress, but we hear Carrie as she tries to deliver these boring lines with the conviction of someone used to saying, "I began to wonder..." every SINGLE WEEK on her show and make it work. And the Oscar goes to... THE DUCHESS
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:18 (GMT)
Donald Graham Burt and Victor J. Zolfo
"We'd like to thank the Academy for this wonderful honour, and our crews. Our producers were great, because they did what every good producer should do, which was leave us alone. I want to thank David Fincher, because he did so much to make this movie special." First play-off of the night, as the music starts up.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:16 (GMT)
Art Direction
This feels like we're on an Oprah home makeover show, with the camera panning lovingly across random stuff from each nominated film. Wow, SJP's dress is enormous. And the Oscar goes to... THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:15 (GMT)
Hugh's Back
It's now Production Design, Costumes and Make-Up. Daniel Craig and SJP are presenting on an artfully backstage-stage. Bit laboured, eh?
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:11 (GMT)
Kunio Kato
LITERALLY every other word is "thank you", so we won't transcribe the whole thing. Except for at the end when he says "Domo arigato", which is of course Thank you in Japanese.
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:10 (GMT)
Best Animated Short
Jack Black and Jennifer Aniston are funny together! Give these two a movie! It's animated short - can Pixar make it a sweep with Presto? Or can the fabulously morbid This Way Up nip in? And it is...LA MAISON EN PETITS CUBES
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:08 (GMT)
Andrew Stanton
"It's been such an inspiration to spend time with a character who so tenaciously struggles to find inspiration in everything he sees - it's so important at times like these. I have to thank Lasseter, Catmull and Jobs for creating a haven where films like this can be made. And I guess I have to thank my high school drama teacher for 28 years ago casting me as Barnaby. Seeds are sown in the oddest places." Yay!
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:05 (GMT)
Best Animated Film
Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black are presenting, and are doing rather well. "Do you have an animation strategy?" asks Aniston. "Oh yeah," says Black. "I take all the money I get from doing a DreamWorks project every year to the Oscars, and I bet it on Pixar!" Boom boom! Now there's a specially-animated Wall-E Oscar clip, wherein he throws away the Oscar he finds in favour of an "Oscar Yearbook" animation showreel with Kung Fu Panda, Bolt, Horton Hears A Who, Madagascar 2, Clone Wars, The Tale of Desperaux and even Space Chimps. And suddenly they're all there in Wall-E's trailer - yay! He has friends. Ahem. And the Oscar goes to... WALL-E! YES!
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:03 (GMT)
Simon Beaufoy
"There are certain places in the world that you never imagine standing - for me it's the moon, the South Pole, the Miss World podium and here, so thank you. I want to thank my wife Jane, for whom repressed English writers have to write love stories because they can't say what they mean. I want to thank the wonderful cast and crew who taught me so much about India, about writing, and who changed my life." He mixed up Freida Pinto with her character name there, but otherwise ace!
Monday February 23, 2009, 02:01 (GMT)
Best Adapted Screenplay
Steve Martin's just warned Tina Fey not to fall in love with him. She's looking starry-eyed as he reads out the intro. And the Oscar goes to... Simon Beaufoy, SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE.
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:58 (GMT)
Dustin Lance Black.
"Oh my god. This was not an easy film to make, so first of all I have to think all the real-life people who shared their stories with me, and all the cast and crew for taking on this life-changing story. When I was 13, my family moved me from a conservative area to California and I learned about Harvey Milk and it gave me hope that one day I could live my life, and fall in love and get married. If Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he would want me to say to all the gay and lesbian children out there tonight that you are beautiful and valuable and that God does love you, and that one day you will have equal rights, Federal rights, across this country." OK, we weren't happy about the win, but that was a beautiful speech. And we'd like to give him a big, "hear, hear!".
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:57 (GMT)
Best Original Screenplay
We're not sure we like the read-bits-of-screenplay-out lark - fingers crossed for In Bruges (we're not even pretending neutrality on this one) (OK, or Wall-E. Awwww). And the winner is...MILK?! Wha?
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:55 (GMT)
Screenplays And Animation.
Tina Fey and Steve Martin are presenting, with their words appearing behind them as they speak. Fey gets a huuuuge cheer. Fey: It has been said that a great writer lives forever Martin: The man who wrote that is dead. Fey: Every great film was once a screenplay Martin: Or a really great idea for the poster. Ooooh, and Martin went on to make fun of Scientology. Now, Best Original Screenplay...
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:50 (GMT)
Penelope Cruz' Speech
"It's not going to be 45 seconds, I can say that right now. has anybody ever fainted here? Because I might be the first one. I want to share this with my fellow nominees and the actors I had the chance to work with in this movie. Thank you Woody for directing me in this movie, and having written such wonderful characters for women. And I cannot talk of great female characters without talking about Pedro Almodovar! I grew up in a place called Alcovendas, where this was not a very realistic dream, and I used to stay up late to watch the show. I always felt that this was a very important ceremony because this is a moment of unity, because art unites the world and it's important to protect it. In Spanish, she then added that she was sharing the award with all the Spanish actors and actresses of her country, and that it was for all of them as well.
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:46 (GMT)
Best Supporting Actress!
So the idea is that they've got five previous winners to announce the nominees, each winner talking about a nominee rather than showing a clip as usual. Hmm. This may not take longer than showing the clips would have done, but there's a fair chance it's going to feel like longer. Eva Marie Saint takes Viola Davis; Angelica Huston, Penelope Cruz; Whoopi Goldberg, Amy Adams ("It's not easy, being a nun. Your face never looks thin, you never get to wear pants and your love interest is always off screen" Well, at least that's funny); Goldie Hawn, Taraji P. Henson and Tilda Swinton, Marisa Tomei. And the winner is...PENELOPE CRUZ!
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:42 (GMT)
The Intro
After the song, Hugh Jackman's keeping up the banter rather well. He's contractually obligated to mention Brad and Angie five times during the show, so we're totally keeping count. He's really coming across as one of the gang. "Meryl Streep - nominated 15 times in her career, a record. When someone posts numbers like that, it's hard not to think: steroids." Now that's funny. Uh oh, technical glitch as they try to show a montage of Best Actress winners. Now here's Eva Marie Saint, Goldie Hawn, Angelica Huston, Tilda Swinton and Whoopi Goldberg to introduce Best Actress in a Supporting Role...
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:36 (GMT)
The Song!
Goshdarnit! Hugh's just going to do the show right here. He just sang "I'd swim through a sea of excrement" to Kate Winslet, and is now singing that it's OK to be gay in reference to Milk. And busting some pretty funky moves. Ye gods, this is bizarre. He did a strange Benjamin Button thing, and has just carried Anne Hathaway bodily onstage (Swoon!) to play Richard Nixon (eh?). Girl's got pipes! And she finishes with Tricky Dick's salute. Now, still playing Nixon, she's making a move on him. This is bizarre in a good way. Now there's a bunch of people in shiny body suits singing about how they haven't been to see The Reader. So instead he's donning elbow pads to play The Wrestler. "Cause I'm Hugh Jackman, and I've waited so long, and no recession, can stop my confession, or silence my song!" He finishes with a big "I'm Wolverine" and suddenly we're even more in love with him than we were at the beginning. The crowd goes wild. He's going down into the audience now to chat with Anne Hathaway, Frank Langella. It's all very chummy and hands-on - in the case of Frank Langella, literally, since he drags Jackman onto his lap (and who can blame him?) (Stop that - Ed.)
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:35 (GMT)
Begin The Beguine!
We’ve never been so glad to see a lacklustre title sequence – but boy oh boy the stage is glittery! Hugh Jackman is here, looking dashing. “Good evening, and welcome. This really is the biggest movie event of the year and we’re hear to honour all this year’s incredible films. The Academy loves to salute range, like Kate Winslet. In The Reader, Kate Winslet, who is English, plays a German – nominated. Robert Downey Jr, an American, plays an Australian playing an African American – nominated. As you know, I am Australian, playing an Australian, in a movie called Australia – not nominated.” He says, “Next year, everything’s being downsized: I’ll be starring in a movie called New Zealand."
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:25 (GMT)
Now’s The Time To Reorganise Your CD Collection
Here’s what’s happening right now: everyone’s busy taking their seats in the Kodak theatre, so instead we’re getting crazy filler from anyone they can get (yes, including Empire), montages about British Oscar winners, reminiscences, you name it. Essentially, there is NOTHING going on right now but TV can’t admit that. If you’ve been meaning to really get to grips with that sock drawer or paint your toenails, now’s the time…
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:01 (GMT)
The Time Is Now…In A Minute
Kee-rist, instead of cutting straight to Hugh Jackman, we’ve got Claudia Winkleman and Gok Wan on Sky. But at least we’re getting a montage of starriest stars from previous years. No, scratch that – now we’re having a talk through the fashions of the night, which are all pretty good so it’s a little dull. Enough already. Give us Jackman or give us sleep.
Monday February 23, 2009, 01:00 (GMT)
The Limitations of Seacrest
Even Ryan Seacrest, one of the most famous men in US TV, can’t get Angelina to stop, or Brad Pitt to stop for more than one question. Robert Downey Jr’s a little more relaxed: he says he’s slaving away over a “hot script” for Iron Man 2. They’re still trying to get Mickey Rourke into the sequel. And that’s pretty much the red carpet show: the proper Oscars are due to start ANY SECOND NOW!
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:54 (GMT)
Kate Winslet, Neurovore
Kate Winslet may look fabulous, but she’s clearly on edge. She’s been asking her children for advice on what to say – frankly, we don’t think they have a big future as Oscar-speech-advisers, but they were very cute. Ben Lyon just said that Slumdog Millionaire has “got” to win. We’re worried he’s jinxed in, in conjunction with rumours we’ve heard over the last few days that older Academy voters (ie most of them) are voting in droves for Benjamin Button instead.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:47 (GMT)
Angelina, Interrupted
OK, we take it back: Jolie’s hair was ace from the back but is way too bouffant from the front. Hmm, we’ve been watching the red carpet coverage for too long if this stuff is starting to matter to us. Thank god there’s only 15 minutes more, or we’d be starting to ask each other what we’re wearing (Warehouse and H&M, since you ask). But, like, OMG, Beyonce’s hair is far too severe and we’re not convinced by the big printed fishtail. The fashion dude on E! has just confided that “It’s molded, it’s high – but you know me, I love gel”. Ye gods this is shallow and banal, even by the standards of this industry.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:44 (GMT)
Pitstop With Penelope
Another star in white, Penelope Cruz is continuing her habit of dressing like Audrey Hepburn – to great effect. Philip Seymour Hoffman’s wearing a beanie, apparently because his hair needs both cut and washed. Daniel Craig is here, bizarrely credited with starring in Defiance rather than Bond this year. Kate Winslet’s looking classy in grey and black over one shoulder; we’re guessing she chose the dress because it matches hubby Sam Mendes’ rather fetching salt-and-pepper beard.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:39 (GMT)
Did Peter Gabriel Just Spoil A Surprise?
Peter Gabriel, nominated for Down To Earth from Wall-E, revealed that they’re planning on doing a medley of the nominated songs this year rather than performing each individually. Given the rumours that Jackman will basically be stripping singing his way through the show, that’s no bad thing. Oooooh, BIG stars: Brad and Angie are here at last. She’s in black, again, but has livened it up with green earrings and great hair. Seriously though, just because you're the most beautiful woman around and don't need colour, doesn't mean you shouldn't experiment occasionally.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:35 (GMT)
Shock!
Jessia Biel’s on her mobile on the red carpet. Tsk tsk. At least it matches her dress. The “Glamastrator” has just been used to explain the make-up of Anne Hathaway’s dress. Ryan Seacrest has just claimed that Ron Howard can “make or break careers in a second”, which seems a bit harsh, given that Howard’s widely considered one of the nicer power-players in time, and isn’t so much with the breaking. Last year’s winner Marion Cotillard is here in black-and-blue (dress, not skin) in an alarmingly ballet shape with a massively pinched waist, and even darker lipstick, with serious arm candy on hand in the shapely shape of boyfriend Guillaume Canet.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:31 (GMT)
Aaaaand We’re Back
OK, it’s official: this is a boring-ass red carpet. There hasn’t been a single dress in the shape of a waterfowl; no men in drag…wait! Sophia Loren’s turned up as Kirk Lazarus! Or rather as Sergeant Osiris. We did not see that one coming. Mickey Rourke, showing slightly more signs of plastic surgery, is wearing a medallion with a picture of his beloved Chihuahua Loki on it. He says he’d rather have had Loki another two years than an Oscar – aw bless. Meryl Streep has hit the carpet, and the talent levels have suddenly spiked. Josh Brolin and Diane Lane are being interviewed – she looks stunning, which is probably why we have that one reader who’s obsessed with her and calls everyone in the office twice a year to ask us to feature her more often.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:17 (GMT)
Finally! A Bona-Fide Star!
Robert Downey Jr has hit the carpet – sadly, he hasn’t come in character as Kirk Lazarus, which we were secretly hoping for. Anne Hathaway’s also here, looking very beautiful in white; Robert Pattinson’s hovering behind Amy Adams who’s enthusing wildly about Doubt. Finally Pattinson gets his turn, and he’s as stunned and discomfited by his own fame as ever. James Franco has arrived, although it’s hard to tell under his enormous tower of hair. His co-star Sean Penn has arrived with Princess Buttercup Robin Wright-Penn, so the Milk crowd is all here. Sarah Jessica Parker's Madonna hair is strangely at odds with her oh-so-nice interviewing style. Downey Jr's making love to the camera with his eyes. We may have to pause for a moment.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:12 (GMT)
Mr Sheen Shines Umpteen Things Clean
Michael Sheen is being interviewed in his natural Welsh accent, which freaks us out a little. Despite being asked the same questions he’s always asked (“What’s it like playing a real person?”) he’s maintaining his charm and humour. The carpet just got funnier: Seth Rogen’s here, looking rather slimline and really quite good. Mickey Rourke’s already got his shirt collar undone cause he’s just so ROCK; Richard Jenkins is being self-deprecating and charming; Sarah Jessica Parker has come as Cinderella. Natalie Portman’s in old-fashioned hair but a rather fetching pink. E! is breaking out the Glamastrator again. Ye gods.
Monday February 23, 2009, 00:06 (GMT)
Where Are The Stars?
Marisa Tomei (in an awesome pleated dress) and Mamma Mia!’s Amanda Seyfried have arrived. Heidi Klum has gotten the first lol of the night by explaining how she had to balance “on one cheek” the whole way to the ceremony to avoid wrinkling her dress – “people don’t appreciate how much goes into these things!”. Miraculously, she managed to say that in a way that sounded amusing rather than totally vapid. She then spoiled it by wittering on about some charm she'd made for some drinks company that we're not even going to dignify with a mention.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:57 (GMT)
The Carpet Hots Up
Josh Brolin’s here, looking pimp with a ‘tache-and-goatee combo, and wife Diane Lane on his arm. Robert Pattinson’s arrived, and suddenly we’re glad we’re not in earshot of the screams. Seal and Heidi Klum are there, despite not working in film. Hey! Shouldn’t we get invited first? Gus Van Sant’s wearing Chuck Taylors; Michael Shannon’s still looking suspicious of everyone – is it just us or does he look like Jaws-from-Bond’s younger brother? Danny Boyle’s had a haircut for the occasion.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:52 (GMT)
Actress Dress-Off
Melissa Leo’s looking just OK in bronzey-brown, to match her hair; Viola Davis, up for Best Supporting Actress, is doing better in gold and a very plunging neckline. E! has a “Glamastrator” that allows their fashion guy to scribble on people’s dresses to demonstrate what works and what doesn’t, reaching new levels of lunacy. Thankfully Freida Pinto and Dev Patel are here to restore order, except instead Anil Kapoor has grabbed the camera to give a big shout-out to the whole of India. We’re having flashbacks to the 2003 Oscars, when the whole of New Zealand kept getting the love.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:46 (GMT)
If I See One More...
Hotel for Dogs advert, things are going to get violent. Or, for that matter, another Kathy Griffin advert. E! is boasting about having an exclusive shot of the “limo drop area” – ye gods. On the bright side, they now have the kids from Slumdog Millionaire on the carpet, looking absolutely adorable. Freida Pinto and Dev Patel are behind them, being glamorous. We’re totally loving the kids though, who never thought “this would be an Oscar movie”. Bless! My Hotel For Dogs anger levels have suddenly dropped away to nothing.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:40 (GMT)
A Rare Outing
Kevin Kline is there with marvellously wavy hair and also the elusive Phoebe Cate, looking about five minutes older than she did when starring in Fast Time At Ridgemont High in 1982, and wearing the same shade of red as that bikini. Slightly more tent-like dress though. Best Actor nominee Richard Jenkins has also arrived. E! are telling us the Oscar secret: there are going to have A-list stars who are previous winners, who are NOT going to walk the carpet, and who will dramatically appear to announce the nominees. Amy Adams is here in a fab turquoise necklace (and, y’know, also a red dress) and Michael Sheen’s looking dramatic. Apparently Madonna’s hosting an after-party tonight and “everyone wants a piece of Madonna’s after party”. That just sounds wrong.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:32 (GMT)
Witter-ation
NOTHING is happening except for filler. Sigh. Taraji P. Henson’s there, with a gorgeous necklace. Jennifer Grey is there, and she is officially completely unrecognisable as the star of Dirty Dancing. We thought she was Jennifer Love Hewitt for a bit. Zac Efron is there, with DREADFUL slicked-back too-long hair. Let’s hope he looks better for his dance routine in a bit. Vanessa Anne Hudgens follows him, looking astonishingly pretty but a bit too frilly. Best Supporting Actor nominee Michael Shannon is there, rocking some extremely casual hair and chewing gum. In fact, he looks like he's about to break into the sort of frank rant that his character in Revolutionary Road was known for.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:24 (GMT)
All Cooped Up
Dominic Cooper’s arrived, and Seacrest now has the celebs lined up. Dev Patel has arrived, looking as smiley as he had all season. Cooper’s talking about his Pink Spandex Hell on Mamma Mia! but we’re getting distracted by his designer stubble.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:21 (GMT)
Hugh's The Man
There’s so little happening on the carpet right now that we’re being subjected to massive onslaughts of wittering from the presenters. Ryan Seacrest is promising “big stars live on the red carpet” but so far he’s not delivering. Ryan, we’re disappointed. Must try harder. Seacrest is cutting to Hugh “hubba hubba” Jackman, who’s apparently been rehearsing for months and was already drinking early in the day. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and it may be literally only once, so it’s exciting…It’s the Tonys on steroids.” He sounds nervous, but hey! We’re sure he can handle it. He’s singing and dancing with the High School Musical gang and the Mamma Mia! kids, as well as other surprises (Beyonce was rumoured). Can Wolverine’s hardman image survive this? Fingers crossed. Wow, he just promised nudity! Our poll indicates that female viewing figures just shot through the roof.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:05 (GMT)
America's Next Celebrity Adoptee
Miley’s dress weighs more than her – given that she’s in Hollywood, that presumably means that it’s a whopping five stone. She’d like Angelina Jolie to adopt her: of course, then she’d have to be renamed something crazy like Hannah Montana, which would TOTALLY confuse people so that wouldn’t be a good idea. Virginia Madsen's on the carpet, in red, and E!'s style guru turns out to have cleverly matched his hair to his white tuxedo.
Sunday February 22, 2009, 23:02 (GMT)
First Arrivals On The Red Carpet
The Red Carpet coverage has begun; some halfwits on E! are already boring us. This is not a good sign: more cupcakes are clearly needed! Miley Cyrus has arrived however, in a dress made of supersize fishscales, to lead off a Disney night: the High School Musical stars are also expected to attend, so as to keep da kidz interested (something that none of the nominated films will manage, with the possible exception of Slumdog Millionaire). Emile Hirsch is also there, raising the average age to, er, 18. But there’s lovely Ryan Seacrest to dazzle us all with his teeth.
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