17.15 We're Beginning! Greetings and salutations, and welcome to the BAFTA live blog 2012. We’ll be bringing you all the excitement from the BAFTA red carpet and, later, ceremony – assuming the whole 2012 apocalypse doesn’t strike unexpectedly quickly and suddenly. Chris Hewitt is down on the red carpet to bring you some videblogisode madness, but since that won’t be edited and online for a little while, this is your stop for the news as it happens. Please be aware, however, that we’ll be reporting the winners as they win and NOT waiting for the TV broadcast, so if you’re planning to watch that and don’t want to know who wins, stop reading about 7pm. In the meantime, however, keep your peepers pointed this way.
Well, the celebrities have just started to arrive on the carpet, although the A-listers aren’t quite here yet. Elizabeth McGovern, matriarch of Downton Abbey, is looking very glam, but she’s really the first person through. Best Actress nominee Viola Davis is here in an eco-friendly Valentino dress made out of soda bottles. She’s talented AND green AND wearing Jimmy Choo shoes, so full marks for her.
17.20 Clooney Hits The Carpet This is the 64th BAFTAs, apparently. Didn’t Paul McCartney sing a song about that? Meanwhile, Octavia Spencer and George freakin’ Clooney are on the carpet and signing autographs, prompting levels of screaming that are so powerful they are capable of demolishing buildings. Hopefully not the Royal Opera House though. Jessica Chastain completes The Help team in a silver, distinctly Grecian number, while Jonah Hill is in a natty dark grey suit. Tom Hiddleston’s lurking about in the background in what looks like a velvet jacket, because he’s smooth enough that he can get away with that.
The Help's Jessica Chastain and Octavia Spencer (middle)
17.40 Velvet FTW Eddie Redmayne’s also in a velvet tuxedo, because he thought it’d be warmer. Presumably that’s also the reason his hair is standing straight up – it’s the same principle that has pigeons ruffle up their feathers. George Clooney is being interviewed and is being as supernaturally charming as ever, while Chris O’Dowd signs autographs and Jonah Hill tries to sneak past. Downton’s Joanne Frogatt is there, in an aggressively simple dark dress that seems a trifle casual. Kenneth Branagh is wearing his “lucky pair of Tottenham Hotspur underpants” and is looking extremely smiley. He once wrote to Laurence Olivier for advice and of course he’s now nominated for playing the legendary thesp in My Week With Marilyn.
17.50 Gosh. Jon Hamm and Berenice Bejo are both on the red carpet. Everyone witnessing this has run off in search of a cold shower. I’ve just been handed the presenter list: looks like we can also expect to see Christina Hendricks, Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, and Daniel Radcliffe, along with lots of nominees. This may be the starriest BAFTAs ever.
Chris O’ Dowd is being delightful – he’s worried because he has “the weakest cheekbones in my category”. Penelope Cruz, meanwhile, is wearing a dress with the squarest, reddest bodice ever”.
Christina Hendricks - with some admirers...
17.55 Boobies! Christina Hendricks is walking the red carpet in a very gorgeous black gown and hair that appears to have suffered a horrendous encounter with a tornado. She’s still approximately a billion times better looking than any normal person, however. Berenice Bejo is wrapped up in an appropriately 20s-esque furry wrap and a dress that has a strange petal thing around the waist. She’s walking the carpet with her delightfully bespec’ed husband Michel Hazanavicius. Oh, SWINTON is here, in a white bolero thing and huge quiff. The Bond girls have arrived: Naomie Haris is in a very precarious but very gorgeous yellow dress that appears to have been artfully shredded; Harris, shockingly, says it’s going to be the best Bond ever, but that's about all the Skyfall news you get. Jean Dujardin is charming his way up the carpet; Gary Oldman is self-deprecating away with Dermot O’Leary.
Gillian Anderson and Melissa George
The Skyfall girls, Bérénice Marlohe and Naomie Harris
18.05 Tuxedos Everywhere. Chris “Thor” Hemsworth is signing autographs and looking good doing it; no sign of his hammer, sadly. Olivia Williams is in a delightful white dress that, as far as we can see, miraculously looks un-weddingy. Jean Dujardin claims to have his Artist moustache in his pocket, and puts his film's success down to the cute dog.
Hey, it’s Christina Ricci’s birthday, and to celebrate she’s dressed to match the BAFTA itself in a bronzey shift with a weird collar. Brad Pitt has hit the carpet, prompting screams on a whole new scale. Nicest-Man-In-Showbiz Daniel Radcliffe, rather delightfully, is geeking out about sitting close to both George Clooney and Pitt, while Colin Firth is now facing the autograph hunters.
18.15 So Hot Right Now Michelle Williams is in her go-to colours of black-and-white as she makes her way towards the door; Chris Hemsworth and Ralph Fiennes are facing the interview ordeal. Hemsworth tips Hiddleston for the Rising Star category (which he’s also up for) but then they are fake brothers so that's clearly fake-nepotism. Fiennes, meanwhile, is trying to live down that whole Voldemort business by being particularly calm and nice. Cuba Gooding Jr is in a crimson velvet smoking jacket and white silk evening scarf, because it would be a dull world if no-one was; Tom Jones is sneaking in behind him as he prepares to sing a medley of Bond themes.
Meryl Streep is in a black sparkly dress with MAGNIFICENT shoulders; if she decides to barge past the other nominees to the podium no one will be able to stop her. Then again, she's not likely to need to barge past anyone. She's generally looking hella good, however. Poor Michael Fassbender is still answering questions about being nekkid in Shame; he has got to be bored by that now. Let's all take a collective vow now to never ask him about getting his kit off again. Unless, y'know, he wants to, in which case fine.
18.20 Brad Pitt We’re calling it: he’s maybe the coolest man alive (“Don’t tell anyone [Moneyball]’s about baseball” he whispers). And, when given some chocolates on the carpet, took them with an adorably enthusiastic, “The kids’ll love ‘em!”.
18.30 Snow break! Martin Scorsese is still outside; Colin Firth and Helena Bonham-Carter, as outgoing BAFTA holders, are still signing, but the British weather is clearly keen that things get underway. It’s starting to snow so the carpet’s clearing and everyone is headed inside. There will now follow a brief hiatus while the stars mingle and take their seats, and your humble correspondant tries to scrounge up some dinner…
19.00 We’re about to begin… We were just subjected to a housekeeping speech from a BAFTA head honcho, which we’ll spare you. But now, it’s time!
19.02 TOM JONES So this year the ceremony is kicking off with a performance of Thunderball for the 50th anniversary of super-spy James Bond on film, sung by the legendary Tom Jones (who else?). Who do we think will throw their pants at the Welsh sensation first? Our money’s on either Pitt or Clooney.
19.05 The Opening Monologue Stephen Fry is back, baby! What larks!
“As a rule we don’t do song and dance numbers here at BAFTA because let’s be honest they’re usually an eye-watering embarrassment that make you want to chew your own ear off - but thanks to Tom Jones. My Lords, Iron Ladies and gentlemen and assorted media scum, welcome to surely the most eagerly anticipated event in London that could ever be hosted in 2012.”
You know what: he’s far too eloquent and uses far too many long words for me to keep up and transcribe this. So I’ll just bring you the occasional comment. He’s paying tribute to the Right Honourable Baroness Meryl Thatcher. He’s suggesting we call her “Maggie Thatcher, Trophy Snatcher”, which seems apposite. Stephen Fry then pestered Brad Pitt to blow a kiss into the camera. Gosh. He's still got it.
But seriously, folks, Fry is very good at this sort of thing. Given that award ceremonies are all a big love-in, he may be the best, since he can be hilarious by dint of sheer eloquence and florid flattery without being obviously nasty. And he made a joke about his nude scene in Sherlock Holmes ("Thank goodness it wasn't in 3D") without seguing into a Fassbender reference, so top marks!
Yes, that is Cuba Gooding Jr. on the right - here with the Harry Potter team after winning Best Visual Effects.
19.15 SPECIAL VISUAL EFFECTS A word of warning from Fry: “Let’s talk about that dread bitch-whore, time, so if you win run to the stage, and if you could keep your effusions of gratitude to a minimum – 140 characters usually works for me – that would be wonderful.” Well said!
Cuba Gooding Jr is presenting this award, and begins with a quick shout out for the late Whitney Houston. It goes a little downhill from there, as he claims to be George Clooney “with Michael Fassbender’s manliness”. Um. What?
And the winner is:
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part 2, and John Richardson and team.
"I think we're all just chuffed that we've finally won this; we've been trying for a long, long time. We'd like to thank the three Ds."
"And a special thanks to Jo Rowling and our crews who did all the hard work."
Well deserved! The three D's, incidentally, are producers Davids Heyman and Barron and director David Yates. A word on our methodology here: we're just going to type out the interesting bits of everyone's speeches. So just go ahead and assume that they all remembered to thank their mum and their spouse.
19.20 SHORT FILM AND SHORT ANIMATION Holliday Grainger and Joseph Mawle are presenting this one with an unmemorable blurb - but hey! No autocue upsets or anything. Short Film's first, and the winner is...
Pitch Black Heist, John Maclean and Geraldine O'Flynn "Short film, short speech. I'd like to thank my cast and crew, Film 4, BAFTA and Michael Fassbender for using his only three days off ever to do this."
And the Short Animation award goes to...
A Morning Stroll, Grant Orchard and Sue Goffe "Thank you, this is lovely!"
19.25 ORIGINAL MUSIC Jamie Campbell Bower is presenting this one, since it seems to be some sort of rule that he present something each year (just us?). He's looking good in a black grandad shirt though, and manages the short blurb nicely.
And the winner is...Ludovic Bource for The Artist (The first of many?) "Sorry, I 'ave no speech. I have just one word. George Clooney always says "amazing" so thank you, I am so proud to receive this award. [to Fry] Your speech was fantastic! I love Britain, and also the Queen!"
"What an incredibly charming, tasteful and discerning man!" says Fry.
19.30 SOUND & EDITING Jessica Brown-Finley and Tom "our favourite" Hiddleston are presenting this one. Gosh, so much posh-yet-hot Brit talent on one stage. Nice to see that she's sensibly dressed for the weather, in long sleeves and a high neck. Take that, winter!
Brown-Finley presents the first one, and the winner for Best Sound is...
Hugo, Eugene Gearty, Philip Stockton, Tom Fleischman, John Midgley "I've dreamed of this moment since I was a little girl. In my dream, I was dressed very much as I am now, but you were all in your underwear. Eugene and Tom can't be here tonight because they're in 3D and if you don't have the glasses they look a little blurry. I'd like to dedicate this to Martin Scorsese and Thelma Schoonmaker."
Hiddleston's presenting Best Editing, and manages to give the blurb a little conviction. And the winner is...
Senna, Gregers Sall and Chris King Sall: "Most of all I'd like to thank Ayrton Senna, because having had the opportunity to go racing with him for a year was an incredible privilege." King: "I have a confession to make: I loathe Formula 1, and to be faced with 5000 hours of it when I first came on the project was not an enticing one. I'm very glad that Gregers and I were able to have this opportunity."
19.37 CINEMATOGRAPHY Tom Hooper's presenting this one. The intro's a little flat, to be honest.
And the winner is...The Artist, Guillaume Schiffman. He's not here so Hazanavicius has arrived to collect the prize. "Guillaume is in Los Angeles and he didn't give me a note. I guess if he was here he would thank, er, me, and all the people who worked on that movie. I'm very proud of him, so thank you for him!"
19.40 COSTUME DESIGN & MAKE-UP & HAIR It's the "entirely lickable - sorry, likeable - no, I was right first time" Chris Hemsworth and Hayley Atwell, according to Fry. She's in a rather nice blue / white dress, but could perhaps have used a little hair wrangling herself, while we're judging the presentational arts.
Costume Design is up first, and the winner is...
The Artist, Mark Bridges "I'd like to thank Michel for inviting me to contribute to his beautiful film. This is very special to me, because British films have always been an inspiration to me, something to admire and a level of quality to strive for. So thank you very much, I'll treasure this."
Presenters Chris Hemsworth and Hayley Atwell with Mark Bridges (center) winner of Best Costume Design for The Artist.
Now it's Make Up & Hair, and the winner is...The Iron Lady, Marese Langan "Thank to Phyllida Lloyd and our amazing cast for all being such wonderful people to work for." "I'd like to thank my family for putting up with me getting up at 3.30am and my dad for dragging me out of bed to watch old Frankenstein movies and inspire me into this profession."
Before we move on, a quick poll:
19.47 FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE Anil Kapoor is here, after starring in "Mission Jolly Difficult But Ultimately Achieveable" (Fry wants his money back; Kapoor says he can't have it). Kapoor, as you'd expect from a massive star (in Bollywood) delivers the blurb rather beautifully.
And the winner is...The Skin I Live In Pedro Almodovar can't be here to collect it, so Kapoor promises to get them the award. As ever, we'll be double-checking!
19.51 OUTSTANDING DEBUT... Chris O'Dowd and Kristen Wiig are presenting this category with the really long name, the Outstanding Debut By A British Writer, Director Or Producer, which is really handy for our Bridesmaids fan-fic. They're acting out a little bit of their own (consciously, deliberately) awkward banter that Chris has written for the occasion. You really have to be there. "They call you Kristen Wiig because your hair's so pretty!" This is why they pay him the big bucks.
And the winner is...Tyrannosaur, Paddy Considine and Diarmid Scrimshaw. Hooray! We know him!
Considine: "Thank you! I feel like Rocky Balboa! I surprise myself; that was quite a good impression. I want to thank my incredible cast and crew. My hero, Peter Mullan - the other one is Gary Oldman, who's down there somewhere. And the irrepresible and brilliant Olivia Colman."
Scrimshaw: "I don't feel like this BAFTA belongs to me, but I'll keep it anyway."
Paddy Considine and Diarmid Scrimshaw.
19.57 PRODUCTION DESIGN We're just having a quick look at the Best Picture nominee, led by The Artist. Hold your (War) horses...
Aaaand we're back. Viola Davis, who looks just gorgeous and "made the step from stage acting to film acting almost as easily as if they were related", says Fry. But who will win Production Design? Ferretti? Craig? These may not be household names but this is a category of giants in their field.
And the winner is...Hugo, Dante Ferretti and Francesca Lo Schiavo. Lo Schiavo: "Also on behalf of Dante Ferretti, who unfortunately couldn't be here tonight, I would like to thank all of you and with all my heart, with all my heart, I would like to thank Martin Scorsese, because it is a huge honour to work with him."
20.05 SUPPORTING ACTOR We're into the fancy categories, the ones with people who you recognise at a glance in them. Says Fry, "Some would say the world is going to hell in a handcart; I would say the world is going to Helena Bonham-Carter!"
Yes, she's presenting, and doing it with insouciant capability. "The bigger the part, the easier it is to act well, because you can have bad days and get away with it. But if it's smaller, you have to nail it and hope you're not cut too much." Wise words, Goth lady!
And the winner is...Christopher Plummer for Beginners He's not here, but HBC reads his message, "Good old Londres has always been my second home, but now that BAFTA has spoken it feels more my home than ever. My deepest thanks to BAFTA for your generosity and your wisdom."
20.09 OUTSTANDING BRITISH FILM we're having a quick look at The Descendants, and a reminder of just how emotional that was. Then it's Bond girl pairing Naomie Harris and Berenice Marlohe's turn to present the British Film prize.
And the winner is...Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Tomas Alfredson, Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner, Robyn Slovo, Bridget O’Connor, Peter Straughan Alfredson: “It’s easy to be talented when you’re surrounded by talented people, and thank you so much for letting me do this, Tim.”
Bevan: “First thanks has to go to John Le Carre for a great novel, and then entrusting it to us, and to a terrific cast led by Gary. It wouldn’t have been possible without brilliant direction, and we were fortunate to have a man who is forensic in detail and totally inspiring. This award belongs to him.”
Team Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy with Team Skyfall.
20.17 SUPPORTING ACTRESS Daniel Radcliffe is presenting this one, and he's hailed as "a first in cinema history" for growing up without succumbing to substance abuse or brattishness. OMG they are playing the food poisoning scene from Bridesmaids! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? This is meant to be a classy show. And it's the worst scene in the movie and hardly a great example of how good Melissa McCarthy was in it. Sheesh.
And the winner is...Octavia Spencer, The Help "Well this is a surprise. Thank you to the BAFTAs. This is a dream, and I have to say Tate Taylor and everybody, my co-stars, waow. It's been said that The Help is an American movie about American problems and American history, and I am so grateful to you for seeing past that, because surely prejudice knows no gender, no age, no country. So I appreciate this! Thank you!"
Best Supporting Actress winner Octavia Spencer with Daniel Radcliffe.
20.22 ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY We're treated to a quick look at Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, after Fry explains that he had a twitter request to explain what was going on "from someone called @garyoldman". But then it's time for War Horse' Jeremy Irvine and Bel Ami's Christina Ricci to present Best Original Screenplay.
And the winner is...Michel Hazanaivicius, for The Artist! "Thank you. Actually I am very surprised because so many people thought there was no script because there was no dialogue, so English people are very clever; congratulations to you! And I want to thank everybody who worked on that movie, everybody made it for a good reason, so thank you very much!"
20.28 OUTSTANDING BRITISH CONTRIBUTION "The almost mythical" Billy Bob Thornton is presenting here (let's hope he and Brad Pitt throw down at the after party). "It's the moment you've all been waiting for: an inarticulate guy who can see about 4 feet in front of him, here to present an award." He then stumbles over his first few words, just to prove the self-deprecating point. Aw, we love you, BBJ.
This award, of course, is going to John Hurt. "I've known this guy for 20 or so years," says BBJ, "and I recently had the pleasure of directing him. Here's how you do it: you do a couple of takes and ask, 'John, are you happy?' He says, 'I'm fine; are you?' And you say, 'I'm astounded.' He's astonishingly good." Everyone's on their feet by the end of the clip reel, and the applause lasts a ridiculously long time.
John Hurt: "Heaven alone, sit down! Who would have thought all those years ago that I would be sharing the stage of the Royal Opera House with Billy Bob Thornton? How fabulous. One of the difficult things about being given an award you know you're going to get is that are you are supposed to have had the time to write a speech. Well, I did.
"But without giving away too much information I was getting up one morning last week and my wife said to me, 'Can I say something to you? You won't be cross?' She said, 'Well, remember the other day you read out that speech you're going to give on Sunday? You're sure you're not going to be cross? Well, don't.' I said, 'What am I going to do? I've got to say something.' She said, 'You tend to grip the dais and your knuckles go white, and you sound like somebody else. What I would like to see you do, is stand as you're standing now, in front of all those peers who have been directly or indirectly responsible for giving you this honour, and simply say, thank you.'
"I have taken her advice, and say to you all, thank you - particularly to those directors who have given me the opportunity to play those wonderful parts I would never have thought of for myself. The reason I am standing here is that I am the addition of their imaginations, so I thank them, and the Academy, from the bottom of my heart."
A rather delighted John Hurt with his BAFTA award.
20.43 RISING STAR It’s another Best Picture featurette, this time for The Help. Says Fry, “It’s a work of astonishing depth – at least according to my maid, who I sent to see it for me. Will The Help clean up tonight?” Oh dear oh dear.
It’s now the Orange Rising Star award (“There are 5 young men in this hall whose mothers have very large phone bills”), presented by the very beauteous Christina Hendricks.
And the winner is…Adam Deacon "This is mad, this is crazy. I can't believe I'm in the same place as people like Brad Pitt. This is surreal. Thank you to everyone out there. Thank you to BAFTA for this, because for me it means acceptance, so it's not just a win for me; it's a win for the underdog and everybody out there with a dream to better themselves."
Christina Hendricks with Adam Deacon.
20.47 DOCUMENTARY Paul Bettany, "a supremely gifted actor, baker and unicyclist," is here to present this one. Although with that haircut you'd be forgiven for thinking he was Iain Glen.
And the winner is...Senna (Is it wrong that we wrote that down before he announced it? It seemed inevitable) Fellner: "So frustratingly I just used up my witty, pithy speech on Tinker Tailor. Hopefully none of you noticed I didn't say a word. I'm so pleased that this film has been recognised because we made this out of love and you showed the love back, so thank you to everybody. Most of all we have to thank Ayrton Senna for living a life that was more amazing than fiction."
Kapadia: "I really really want to thank the Senna family for trusting us with his legacy. When your son dies in circumstances like that, it takes a lot of guts to trust [us]."
Director Asif Kapadia (3rd from left) with the rest of his winning team.
20.52 Obituaries It's that time. Jane Russell, Bingham Ray, Michael Gough, Richard Leacock, Shammi Kapoor, Ken Russell, Syd Cain, Eva Monley, Nicol Williamson, Whitney Houston, Theodoros Angelopoulos, Arthur Laurentis, Hugh Martin, Richard Pointing, Ben Gazzara, Shelagh Delaney, Bubba Smith, Steve Jobs, Sidney Lumet, Farley Granger, John Mackenzie, Michael Cacoyannis, John Calley, Bridget O’Connor, Elizabeth Taylor, RIP
20.57 ADAPTED SCREENPLAY Jon Hamm is presenting this one, and mournfully discusses the difficulties of adapting literature for the screen and finding some way to fit in the fart jokes.
And the winner is...Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, Bridget O'Connor and Peter Straughan Straughan: "I'd just like to thank The Artist for not being adapted from a book. I'd like to thank our cast led by Gary Oldman, Tomas Alfredson - every award should have your name on it - and we're standing on the shoulders of a giant, John Le Carre. But I know they won't mind if I dedicate this to another collaborator, my wife Bridget, who died before this film was made. She wrote all the good bits and I just made the coffee. Bridget, I love you. Thank you."
Well there's the most moving speech of the night done. Not a dry eye anywhere.
21.02 ANIMATED FILM Gillian Anderson is presenting through a sore throat, bless her. Should've worn a dress with more neck coverage for warmth. And now a category without a Pixar nominee, for once...
And the winner is...Rango, Gore Verbinski. (Producer Graham King is collecting on Verbinski's behalf.) "This is really and truly Gore's vision for the film, truly unique, and thank you to BAFTA for acknowledging that."
A well-deserved award, just for that flaming belch scene.
21.07 DIRECTOR As Fry puts it, “I wrote ten paragraphs to express my feelings about this man, but sod it: <girlish scream>Brad Pitt</girlish scream>!” Poor Brad gets stuck with a particularly lumpen piece of intro, so just looks away into the middle distance and waits for everyone to drift off contemplating his perfect features instead of trying too hard. Fair play: it works.
And the winner is…Michel Hazanavicius for The Artist "Thank you again. I'm so proud... that Brad Pitt pronounced my name so well. The recognition of your peers is, I think, the most important, so I'm really thrilled and very happy and touched. There are so many people I want to thank - the cast, Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo; my wife, Berenice Bejo. Everyone who worked on that movie. I know that I will have some bad days because I am a director, but I will remember today as a good day!"
21.12 ACTRESS "Women who work as actors understandably prefer to be called actors than actresses - except when it comes to awards time, when they're willing to make an exception," notes Fry, just a tiny bit narkily.
"In an ideal world, I'd be able to introduce last year's winner, a man who would bowl us over with his mere presence. And it turns out we do live in an ideal world, because here is Colin Firth!"
And here's the man himself. "It's my great privilege to present in a category in which I have been greviously overlooked," says Firth. Well he has expressed the desire to play a drag queen. He'd probably win another Oscar for it too.
And the winner is...Meryl Streep for The Iron Lady. Well really it was always going to be in this country, wasn't it? She loses a shoe on her way up the stairs; Firth gallantly retrieves it. It's Cinderella at the BAFTAs!
"Thank you so much! That couldn't have gone worse! Oh gosh; somebody once said, I think it was Margaret Atwood but I don't even know, the fate of the well-known is to be misunderstood, and the ambition of this film was to look at the life of the Iron lady from the inside out and to locate something real. Maybe hidden, but truthful, in the life of someone we've all decided we know everything about already. I'm very proud of the film and I owe so much to Phyllida Lloyd, Abi Morgan, Pathe, for sticking with this, for asking and expecting so much of me.
"I want to thank the soulful Jim Broadbent, the divinely gifted Olivia Colman. I want to say that half of me is Streep, but the other half is from Lincolnshire, so I come by this role honestly."
'I've got one of those' - Presenter Colin Firth with Best Actress winner Meryl Streep.
21.18 ACTOR Penelope Cruz is presenting this. "She's so popular they've named a very popular beach, heath and common leisure activity after her," apparently. Rude joke! Yay!
And the winner is...Jean Dujardin for The Artist. "Thank you. Michel, what have you done to me? It's your fault. To be in the company of such illustrious nominees, I'm very proud, and I'm shocked. To receive this award from the country of Laurence Olivier, William Webb Ellis and Benny Hill, c'est incroyable! Thank you to those who took the risk of making a black and white silent movie - you know who you are. And as BAFTA kitten would say, thank you very much!"
On the bright side, this means there's no danger of a schism in the Pitt/Clooney bromance! Also, was it us or was Dujuardin blushing furiously? In another note, Michael Fassbender has a really good "I didn't win but I'm OK with that" smile.
21.24 BEST FILM They have two very big stars to present this one, neither of whom walked the carpet, dagnabbit. "Like good coffee, great surfing beaches and mediocre cricket, they come from the land down under," it's Hugh Jackman and Russell Crowe! "Call this a frakking opera house!" mutters Crowe. Jackman accidentally reads Fry's flowery intro, then goes into a ridiculously Australian version of same, involving the words "strewth" and "bonza". These two should go onstage together, they're fun! Or just Jackman; whatever.
And the winner is...The Artist Which should not surprise ANYONE who's paid any attention thus far. Thomas Langmann: "Wow, beautiful room. I want to thank someone who transformed the silence into the King's Speech, Harvey Weinstein, and I want to thank Berenice Bejo, she's a great actress."
Hazanvicius: "I've said everything I had to say, so merci, c'est une tres belle soiree, merci beaucoup."
The Artist's Jean Dujardin, Thomas Langmann and Michel Hazanavicius.
21.28 BAFTA FELLOWSHIP Max Von Sydow is presenting it this year. Apparently he makes very good glogg as well, a traditional Swedish drink. Anyway, over to Von Sydow.
Max Von Sydow: "To be honoured by the Fellowship, you need to make a groundbreaking contribution to cinema. Tonight's recipient has done that and much more. He is unquestionably the greatest American director of his generation, and his body of work contains some of the most iconic movies of all time, earning him the respect of his peers within the industry."
Yes, it's Martin Scorsese. Christopher Lee pays tribute via video, as does one Robert De Niro. "In the 20 years since we've stopped making movies together we've appeared at awards shows together to pat each other on the back," he notes, self-deprecatingly. Oh dear, your faithful transcriber has just remembered how fast this winner talks. I'll do my best... Bonus points to the clips reel, incidentally, for including naughty bits.
Martin Scorsese: "Thank you so much, thank you. I think just holding this award is an honour; getting it is a dream. For me, British cinema was formative. Italian and British movies were the first I saw that weren't made in America. The Italian ones were more familiar to me, closer to home; the British were more exotic, in a language that was familiar but enigmatic. They were and still are a bit of a mystery and a marvel.
"British cinema, you're challenged and inspired. there's careful social deliniation and political commitment. Lindsay Anderson said it well when he said that "poetry, visual as well as verbal, is its own justification". Richness of language uniquely animates a traditional of visual dynamism. The cinema of England is resilient, as witnessed by the young filmmakers who are working here, sometimes against commercial and political odds. It also embraces the peerless craftsmanship of the British crews, who helped me with their extraordinary imagination when I was working here at Shepperton on Hugo. I'm particularly honoured to have worked alongside them. I hope this Fellowship gives me visiting privileges to British cinema.
"This also has particular ressonance because it's the first award I've ever shared with Powell and Pressburger. It is the highest honour to stand with them tonight, and with you. I thank you."
Most. Cine-literate. Speech. Ever. We couldn't even get it all down, but find it and see all the films he mentions.
21.41 That's all, Folks! Fry is wrapping things up - and we must agree with his sentiment that "the art of movie making is as vibrant as ever. Live and love film."