Screw The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises; we know full well that what you guys really want is more Scorpion Kings and Death Races. Well Christmas has arrived early, with a trailer for the former - Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption - and news of the latter.
Did you even know there was a Scorpion King 2? Rise Of The Warrior went straight to DVD in 2008, starring Randy Couture and directed by Russell "Highlander" Mulcahy. It was a prequel to, of course, the original Scorpion King, which starred The Rock and was a spin-off prequel from The Mummy 2.
What that means is that Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption is the sequel to a prequel to a prequel that was a spin-off of the sequel to a remake. Feel free to correct our maths there, but we think that's right. In practice, it seems to be an excuse for Ron Perlman and Billy Zane to wave swords around in a forest somewhere cheap. MMA fighter Kimbo Slice and WWE wrestler Dave Batista also get a look-in, but you'll notice Voiceover Man doesn't give the slightest mention to the film's actual star. It's Victor Webster, from Melrose Place and Lincoln Heights.
The director is Roel Reine, who made Steven Seagal's Pistol Whipped and the DTV Death Race 2, another prequel, which starred Luke Goss as the Frankenstein that Jason Statham replaced in Paul WS Anderson's Death Race. Reine is now at work on Death Race 3, with Goss, Tanit Phoenix and Danny Trejo all returning. The new film - sequel to a prequel to a remake - takes place in "a new prison in Africa".
Scorpion King 3 is out on DVD in January, and Death Race 3 is scheduled for the same fate the following December. Look out for them both in Kim's Video Dungeon.