|Currently making his way to the ring is 220lbs of solid financial muscle – he's the man with the plan, the dude with the 'tude you've all been waiting for, it's…Vince McMahon! Can you smell what McMahon is cooking?|
For those not in the know, McMahon, aka the Genetic Jackhammer, aka Higher Power, aka Vinny Mac, aka The Boss, is the man behind the WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment, the man who put the "bling" in "left wobbling from the force of that punch". McMahon launched the global wrestling craze, as well as the career of a certain Mr The Rock, by turning a boring old sport into what is essentially a soap opera for manly men, albeit one with rather more body oil than your average episode of Emmerdale.
Now The Boss has his sights set on Hollywood. He has already co-produced some of The Rock's biggest hits, and has now launched a production company to fully finance feature films for some of wrestling's biggest stars.
The first film released under his banner will be The Marine, starring John Cena (WWE's Professor of Thugonomics, and a leading international authority in the field who makes regular appearances on Horizon).
Cena plays – you guessed it – a Marine, who returns from battle to find that his girlfriend is caught up in a kidnapping plot. Can he save the day? Will his hellacious fighting skills win out? Well, we'll have to see, but we're not going to bet against the big guy.
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin will follow up his debut appearance in The Longest Yard with The Condemned next year, as an innocent ex-cop on death row, given the chance to compete in a fight-to-the-finish reality show. While we're sure that Austin 3:16 will whip those Jade Goody types with ease, we can't help thinking that it all smacks a little of The Running Man.
Mr Austin? What a surprise! No, we weren't accusing you of a lack of originality. We're big fans, please, don't hurt us …**%*"£*No, not the jelly bean machine! Argh! (%&*(&£!&"%*wstflg…
…Ouch. McMahon also has projects lined up for Paul Michael Levesque, aka Triple H, aka The Game – because he really is that damn good – and the Big Red Machine, otherwise known as Kane. It's probably too much to hope for (WWE Raw sports commentators) Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler to give a running commentary throughout these features, but maybe we can hope for it on the DVD. Now if you'll excuse us, we'd better go get X-rays and put some ice on these bruises.