Login

Three of Hearts Review

Image for Three of Hearts
★★★★★

"Girl meets girl, girl loses girl, girl hires boy to get girl back," reads the tag line of this urban comedy-romance, which serves up an offbeat twist on an old cinematic staple, the love triangle, then wastes its hand by playing totally safe for desperate fear of offending anyone.

When possibly bisexual Ellen (Fenn) dumps lanky, bohemian nurse Connie (Lynch) in New York's Washington Square, the heartbroken Connie hatches a plan to bring her ex-lover back by convincing hunky-but-dim male escort Joe (Baldwin) to romance Ellen, then dump her. Where this is all heading is, of course, utterly predictable - you know Baldwin's going to fall head over heels for Fenn - although ironically the burgeoning friendship between Baldwin's fuzzy bear hustler and Lynch's droll neurotic is the more intriguing matchup.

Sadly for Fenn, she's stuck with the worst-written role, having to coo lines like, "I've never let anyone scrub my clams before," while getting all swoony over love letters allegedly penned by dopey Joe but actually plagiarised by Connie from her favourite author. Quite why something as shallow, inoffensive and tame as this has been slapped with an 18 certificate is a total mystery since Ellen, whose true sexuality is left vague, and Connie, superficially signposted as a lesbian because she wears ripped jeans and a leather jacket, barely share a scene together, let alone any romantic encounters, while Fenn and Baldwin's characters get a full-fledged, scantily-clad sex scene cut like a music video.

With lashings of American Gigolo, Pretty Woman and Roxanne thrown in for good measure, this wants to be a hip, timely look at alternative lifestyles, but instead sinks under its own cliches, desperate contrivances and dippy dialogue.