Taylor Lautner Will Be Stretch Armstrong

And it’ll be shot in 3D. Hooray?

Two of Hollywood’s current obsessions are now set to collide on screen: Taylor Lautner has been cast in Universal’s long-gestating cinematic adaptation of the Stretch Armstrong toy.

And to throw in another PR-happy part of modern filmmaking, it’ll be shot in 3D, which means the release date has to scuttle from 2011 to 2012, which also allows time for Lautner to squeeze in Breaking Dawn and other commitments, like probable projects Cancun and Max Steel.

The current script, penned by Steve Oedekerk, sees a straight-arrow spy stumble upon a stretching formula that allows him to fight crime more effectively even as it impacts his personal life.

“In the past two years, Taylor has emerged as a real star at the global box office. He brings the perfect balance of energy and athleticism to the role of an unlikely super hero with a fantastic super power,” blabs Universal co-chairman Donna Langley in the press release. Er…. Has he really? He might have become a known quantity and someone who can provoke paroxysms of delight in tween girls, but the powerhouse at the box office was the Twilight franchise, not its stars. He’s yet to prove he can actually carry a film that doesn’t boast the vampiric moniker.

And no, Shark Boy And Lava Girl really, truly doesn’t count.