Firth And Skarsgard in Mamma Mia

Joining the ABBA musical

There is something suspicious afoot in Hollywood, dear readers. Clearly, someone is lying to some of the best actors to be found and telling them that Mamma Mia!, to which they are all gleefully signing up, is actually a completely different movie altogether.

The ABBA musical already has best actress in the history of ever, Meryl Streep, and third best Bond (after Connery and Craig - take it away Craighaters) Pierce Brosnan. Now they've been joined by Colin Firth, Stellan Skarsgard and Christine Baranski. Surely they do not know that this is an exceedingly daft tale of a woman trying to find her real father on the day of her wedding (Firth and Skarsgard play prospective pops, with Baranski a boozy plastic surgery addict), while belting out perfectly crafted, but overly familiar, pop songs like a highly caffeinated hen party? They must think it's Ibsen or Strindberg or something or other about a seagull or sisters or an ice man cometh-ing?

These people must be rescued and given refuge in indies in need of familiar faces. Otherwise an obvious fate awaits us: a movie version of We Will Rock You. And surely none of us wants to live in that world?