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Milk Money Review

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Two pre-pubescent pals pool their cash and head to the big city in search of carnal knowledge.

★★★★

Somehow combining Hollywood's horrible infatuation with trivialising prostitution (ala Pretty Woman) with a coming-of age yarn, this ridiculous romantic comedy takes some swallowing.

The plot has pre-pubescent pals (Walker, Adam LaVorgna and Brian Christopher) pooling their milk money and trotting off to the big city to find a lady nice enough to show them her all and initiate them into manhood. Then, several arch contrivances later, tart-with-a-heart V (Griffith), having provided the tykes with a brief oggle of her upper attributes, ends up taking them home to picket-fenced quaintsville.

As it happens, one of the trio's dads (Harris) is a lonely widower in need of love. So the purposeful brat sets about the task of uniting father with misunderstood harlot. The problem is, the romantically awakened Harris is convinced she's actually a maths tutor.

What results is, at best, only a sparingly funny series of mistaken identities and some really distasteful hooker gags delivered by the shocked townsfolk.

On the credit side, the kids rattle off a convincing repartee despite having to compete with the ludicrous couple and a wretched subplot involving psycho pimp Malcolm McDowell, while Griffith could play the dumb broad with her eyes closed.

What with the blundering Harris hopelessly miscast as an endearing professor and director Benjamin revealing a tenuous grasp on just what is funny and what is, in fact, just dumb, there is no option other than to consign this one to the box marked "Avoid".