Alice Loudon loses her inhibitions and her knickers in an S&M relationship with secretive mountaineer Adam Tallis, but soon starts to wonder whether he may have a real skeleton hidden away in that locked closet in his bedroom.
Killing Me Softly is the funniest movie of the year so far, but it's not a comedy. It's an erotic thriller - complete with S&M sex scenes - that features a dreadful script ('I could break your neck, I love you so much'), sniggersome love scenes, wooden performances and laughable plot twists. Anyone who mistakenly pays to see it will have a hard job stopping their tears of mirth from cascading.
Adapted from Nicci French's bestseller, it's directed by Farewell My Concubine's Chen Kaige (his English language debut, which goes some way in explaining why he didn't spot the zombie-like delivery of the dialogue). Unfortunately there aren't enough pages in a whole issue of Empire to properly describe the many hilarious moments, from Fiennes' manic-from-the-opening-credits googly-eyed turn, through awkward breast (hers) and bum (his) baring, to Alice's transformation from bun-haired mouse to tousled sex toy. A hilariously bad movie that has to be seen to be believed.
A 'five-star-one-star film', John Waters, Russ Meyer and Ed Wood (if those last two were alive) stay awake nights praying their movies are this bad. You'd be mad to miss it.