The worst movies of 2015

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For all its highpoints and euphoric cinematic experiences this year also spawned more turkeys than Bernard Matthew's poultry shed. Boo-hissing their way into multiplexes was a once-glorious franchise, an intergalactic misfire by the people behind The Matrix, a movie that cast Emma Stone as a Hawaiian and Fantastic Four. Here are our picks of 2015's stinkers.

She's Funny That Way

12. She’s Funny That Way

No, she isn't. Despite a game turn from a miscast Imogen Poots in a role that really needed a young Madeline Kahn, this screwball homage wasn't nearly as frothy and fun as Peter Bogdanovich intended. During its long runtime, Quentin Tarantino cameos as Noo Yoik actress Izzy's (Poots) age-inappropriate boyfriend and Owen Wilson has a personal crisis we were all experiencing by the end. For a movie once called Squirrel To The Nuts, it also noticeably failed to feature a single real squirrel.

Accidential Love

11. Accidental Love

The kind of film even Alan Smithee would take his name off, this was one of those efforts that began promisingly, descended into chaos and was writing its last will and testament by the time it wrapped. Accidental Love defied classification when it reached the screen. Was it meant to be a slapstick romp? A satirical comedy, as its original director David O. Russell intended? A Frank Capra homage? With Jessica Biel taking a nail to the head and embarking on a witless crusade to Washington, it felt a lot like the universe punishing us.

Jupiter Ascending

10. Jupiter Ascending

The Wachowskis' bloated space opera hit multiple bum notes during its unlucrative theatrical run. The stakes were there in a tale in which no less than the entire universe was at stake. The cast was highly capable and Michael Giacchino's score was hummable, but the end product repurposed The Matrix and added a liberal dose of The Fifth Element and had little more to show for it than a Messianic cleaning lady and Channing Tatum's dog-obsessed alien wolfman. Eddie Redmayne's stab at villainy was so awful, there were murmurs that it would ruin his Oscar chances for a completely different movie.

Aloha Pic

9. Aloha

Cameron Crowe's howler was baffling not because it had a talented director (Crowe had already made Elizabethtown) and an Oscar-y cast, but more because it left you wondering how anyone thought it would be good in the first place. When the Sony leaks happened, we discovered that the studio had been wondering the same thing. The plot, involving an air-force officer, a bored billionaire and a weaponised satellite that belonged in Moonraker, was meandering, and the casting was surreal. Emma Stone as a native Hawaiian? Really?

Anti-social pic

8. Anti-Social

Cock-er-knee geezas, innit? Jewellery heists. Bang bang, wallop! Bish bosh. Look 'arr, office Dibble! Fa'ck! Slags! Etc. Finally someone had written a film script entirely from Danny Dyer tweets. And yes, there were two whole hours of it. Not qwality.

Monsters 2 pic

7. Monsters: Dark Continent

Gareth Edwards' Monsters was a special beast, a fresh, exciting and moving road-trip sci-fi that touched on love, relationships, immigration and felt epic despite costing about £12.50. The sequel was none of those things. The monsters were more like set dressing, roaming the deep background presumably trying to contact their agents, and the story gave way to a lot of gung-ho nonsense about insurgents, some sub-Loaded male bonding and an eyewateringly terrible final act.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

6. Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Cinema's Segway-riding herald of the apocalypse, Paul Blart took his unloveable brand of passive aggression to Vegas in a comedy that made it seem a lot like civilisation was coming to an end. If we were all going out, we couldn't help thinking, there were surely better ways to do it than watching Kevin James punching a giant bird in the face.

No Escape

5. No Escape

Owen Wilson and Liam Neeson seemed to swap careers this year, with the latter doing comedy turns in Entourage and Ted 2 and the former protecting his family from cartoon foreigners. Empire called this Thailand-set coup thriller "a zombie movie in flip-flops", with hordes of Nasty Foreign People attempting to kill Wilson and his brood, and driving him to levels of violence we didn't see in, say, Marley & Me. Neeson definitely got the better end of the deal.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 pic

4. Hot Tub Time Machine 2

John Cusack's agent lined himself up for a substantial Christmas bonus by steering his client away from this comedy black hole. Not so fortunate were Clark Duke, Craig Robinson and Rob Corddry who dutifully returned for a sequel that, in the time-travel arena, turned out to be slightly less funny than Interstellar. It took a bath at the box office, proving either that Cusack had been the draw all along or that even testicle jokes have their shelf life.

Fantastic Four

3. Fantastic Four

The shoot for The Revenant was brutal because it was shot in -40 degrees in the wilds of Canada. Fantastic Four was shot almost entirely on soundstages, so there were fewer excuses. The ingredients for a proper Hollywood horrorshow were in place, including an unhappy cast, lengthy reshoots and a director seemingly hellbent on torpedoeing his own career. And when the filmmaker tells you not to see the film, that's usually advice worth following.

United Passions

2. United Passions

Note to FIFA: if you want to persuade the world that you're spending your wealth responsibly, making a vanity project so bad it scored 0% on Rotten Tomatoes may not be the best approach. Comedy bad guy Sepp Blatter (Tim Roth) invents the World Cup, saves the world's children and defeats the Chitauri by drawing them in the same group as Argentina and Germany. (Well, that's how we remember it.) It was released just as the organisation was being investigated for corruption, proof that at least FIFA has a sense of timing. Twelve people went to see it. Nine of them were in the FBI.

Terminator Genisys

1. Terminator Genisys

This is what happens when someone with $150m watches the first two Terminator films and concludes that what they really need is six more timelines, a T-800 who was the cybernetic equivalent of Mrs. Doubtfire, and Jai Courtney. What emerged from the ensuing cine-pocalypse was a loveless facsimile of what made the originals great, with added dodgy CGI, incomprehensible plotting and a Golden Gate Bridge sequence that wasn't even as good as the one in Final Destination 5. The bad news? There'll be more where this came from.