The Weirdest Character Names Of 2013

What were the screenwriters thinking?


by HELEN O'HARA |
Published on

For some reason, 2013 saw a wealth of genuinely bizarre character names onscreen. A few of these we can blame on books or comics, but many others come with no good excuse. Here are our favourite bizarre films of the year.

Plutarch Heavensbee, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

PLUTARCH HEAVENSBEE

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE_Sounds like:_ The child of philosopher parents born to hippie grandparents.

Actually is: The architect of the 75th annual Hunger Games in the despotic future of Panem.

Stacker Pentecost, Pacific Rim

STACKER PENTECOST

PACIFIC RIM_Sounds like:_ A born-again supermarket employee.

Actually is: The tough-as-nails, apocalypse-cancelling head of the Jaeger programme on an Earth under attack from giant monsters.

Broomhilda von Shaft, Django Unchained

BROOMHILDA VON SHAFT

DJANGO UNCHAINED_Sounds like:_ What happens nine months after Shaft visits a Bavarian castle.

Actually is: A German-speaking house slave in the antebellum South, secretly married to Django.

Gerry Lane, World War Z

GERRY LANE

WORLD WAR Z_Sounds like:_ An accountant.

Actually is: A UN investigator and the man who might just save the world from the fast zombie menace.


Malekith The Accursed, Thor: The Dark World

MALEKITH THE ACCURSED

THOR: THE DARK WORLD_Sounds like:_ A character from World Of Warcraft.

Actually is: A Dark Elf of Svartalheim who, OK, might as well be a character from World of Warcraft.

Wally Banter, Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

WALLY BANTER

ALAN PARTRIDGE: ALPHA PAPA_Sounds like:_ A made-up name that no DJ should ever be allowed.

Actually is: A made-up (we hope) name that a DJ somehow got away with.

Smaug, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug

SMAUG

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG_Sounds like:_ As pronounced by Gandalf, like a Norwegian word for atmospheric pollution.

Actually is: A big scary dragon who will kill you and eat you if you make fun of him.

Aldrich Killian, Iron Man 3

ALDRICH KILLIAN

IRON MAN 3_Sounds like:_ A tough-but-sensitive guy in a Mills & Boon novel.

Actually is: A nerd-turned-entrepreneur in an Iron Man movie.


Rod Yuletide, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues

ROD YULETIDE

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES_Sounds like:_ The improbable offspring of Ron Burgundy and Buddy the Elf.

Actually is: A New York-based anchorman in the comedy sequel.

Mazer Rackham, Ender’s Game

MAZER RACKHAM

ENDER'S GAME_Sounds like:_ A 1980s brain-challenging puzzle game.

Actually is: An elderly soldier credited with winning the first war between humanity and the Formics.

Eep, The Croods

EEP

THE CROODS_Sounds like:_ The sound you make when you realise you’ve stepped on your favourite DVD.

Actually is: Emma Stone’s winsome cavegirl in The Croods.

Silas Ramsbottom, Despicable Me 2

SILAS RAMSBOTTOM

DESPICABLE ME 2_Sounds like:_ A farmer in a 19th century pastoral novel.

Actually is: The head of the mysterious and powerful Anti-Villain League.


Valentine Morgenstern, The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones

VALENTINE MORGENSTERN

THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES_Sounds like:_ The hero of a minor 18th century comic opera.

Actually is: A sinister former Shadowhunter who’s gone to the dark side.

J. Daniel Atlas, Now You See Me

J. DANIEL ATLAS

NOW YOU SEE ME_Sounds like:_ A guy with a cool last name and a big crush on J. Edgar Hoover.

Actually is: A magician. We don’t know his views on Hoover.

CHESTER V.

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS 2_Sounds like:_ Someone took the pen away as he was just getting started on his surname.

Actually is: An inspiring tech guru with a devoted and cult-like following.

Sandy Patterson, Identity Thief

SANDY PATTERSON

IDENTITY THIEF_Sounds like:_ A girl. Someone who might look like Melissa McCarthy.

Actually is: A guy. Looks like Jason Bateman.


Roycephus Pulsipher, R.I.P.D.

ROYCEPHUS PULSIPHER

R.I.P.D.Sounds like: A character Jeff Bridges would play if the Coens made a film about Witchfinders.

Actually is: A character Jeff Bridges plays in a supernatural comedy about ghost policemen.

Cypher Raige, After Earth

CYPHER RAIGE

AFTER EARTH_Sounds like:_ A computer nerd from the movie Hackers.

Actually is: Will Smith’s fearless warrior and rubbish father.

Gator Bodine, Homefront

GATOR BODINE

HOMEFRONT_Sounds like:_ Adam Sandler’s long-lost dad in The Waterboy.

Actually is: James Franco’s nutty meth-dealer who picks a fight with Jason Statham.

Keller Dover, Prisoners

KELLER DOVER

PRISONERS_Sounds like:_ A supporting character in a Carry On film. Middle name probably “Ben”.

Actually is: Hugh Jackman’s tortured father to a missing girl in Denis Villeneuve’s drama.

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