Last year, we brought you 37 – that's right, 37 – of the world's worst movie posters. Each and every one-sheet had been hit with the bad photoshop stick so hard it was a tough job not to burst out laughing when you saw them at the bus stop. Today, we reveal our updated list, featuring 13 more 'beauties' for you to giggle, sigh and turn up your noses at – and to get you mentally prepared for just what's in store, we're kicking off with a killer: the original poster for the Oscar-winning The King's Speech. If this is what Best PIcture winners can get away with, imagine what else we have in store for you...
Stars butchered: Chris Brown, Idris Elba, T.I., Jay Hernandez, Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen.
What went wrong where: It’s all wrong. There are just so many badly photoshopped heads in one poster it may well be a record. T.I.’s head is far too big for his body, as is Paul Walker’s, and Hayden may well have lost his neck in a firefight somewhere. As for Michael Ealy on the right, he’s definitely not really in that room, and he’s definitely not holding that drink. And what’s up with Chris Brown’s hands, anyway? All in all, horrific. And very blue.
Did they fix it: Kind of. At least they remembered to include Matt Dillon in the poster, what with him being top billing and all.
Stars butchered: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet, Natasha Henstridge, Kevin Pollak.
What went wrong where: *The original's poster was also a clunker, but here it's been outdone with Bruce's face (and his worryingly feminine legs), Matthew's face (who is looking at what, exactly?), their heights, perspective in general, and worst of all, Kevin Pollak's hands and face. It looks like he's had his fingers superglued onto the two stars and was then promptly sedated. The chicken, however, is excellent. Great work Mr. Chicken.
Stars butchered: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Uma Thurman, Colin Firth.
What went wrong where:** Jeffrey is looking very creepily at Uma’s hair – it’s great hair, but stop it now. As for Colin Firth, he’s so in love, he’s looking through* his love interest. Then there are the two male leads’ forearms, which are officially, um, wrong… not to mention the flowers, which are so perfectly the same that you can’t help but think: “Now there’s some bad Photoshop.” And if Colin’s arm is as close to his chest as it looks like it is, that makes Uma… about 1mm wide. Argh.
Did they fix it: No sir, though God knows they tried. In one, Uma flies through the air in a wedding dress, ready to be caught by… neither of them, and in another, Colin manages to not look at Uma yet again, then there’s the ‘doodled face’ series, which is so bad we dare not even link to it. Okay, fine then, but we warned you.
Stars butchered: Sandra Bullock, Bradley Cooper, Thomas Hayden Church, Ken Jeong.
What went wrong where: Who is looking at where is looking at who exactly? There’s no one place that the eye is drawn to (apart from maybe the multi-coloured vomitorium that is Sandra Bullock’s top) so you immediately think “What is everyone staring at?” If there was ever a poster that screamed “We just cobbled this together, but who the hell cares, it’s a turkey”, it’s this one.
Stars butchered: Eva Mendes, Nicolas Cage, Val Kilmer.
What went wrong where: Is that an absurdly large gun in your hand, or has someone just ruined a perfectly decent poster? Ah, the latter; it all makes sense now. Then, of course, there’s the delightful Ms. Mendes, rendered startlingly non-delightful by the Photoshop makeover she’s endured, where she’s hoisting up her dress and revealing some cartoonish cleavage. Just the way you like it. *
Stars butchered: Nicolas Cage.
What went wrong where: (Cracks knuckles) Where to begin? The lava lapping around his waist, the glass that’s somehow in front of the poster, the incredibly ironic tagline, the fact that he’s looking for his shoulder-holstered gun inside his shoulder, or that he doesn’t actually have a gun in his hand. That’s right, no gun. Where are those bullet holes from? An invisible assailant? Point anywhere on the poster and there’s something wrong. Sad, but true.
Did they fix it: Not really. The other attempt was just a good ol’ ‘big face’, highlighting Nic’s hairline, forehead and all-in-all, resembling a giant mugshot. Almost as bad, but not quite.
Stars butchered: Jack Black, Mos Def.
What went wrong where: Sure, there’s the whole scrappy Swede-ing aesthetic, and we get that, but there are a couple of shoddy errors so shoddy that we can’t help but call them out. For one, Jack Black’s head, which looks blu-tacked on (at best) and then there’s his left leg, which appears to be incredibly box-like. Almost like Robocop, in fact.
Did they fix it: Well, yes they did, and a jolly good job it is too, maintaining the slapdash Swede feel as well as not being a Photoshop disaster. Korea, however, was less lucky, as Jack seems to grow in size. Spooky.
Stars butchered: Pamela Anderson, Denise Richards.
What went wrong where: Everything. Seriously, everything. The grass, the shadows (seriously, the shadows), the keep off the grass sign, the appallingly crap tyre tracks, the golf buggy rotated 90 degrees (and boiling a kettle while it’s at it), the stuck-on heads, Denise’s deranged face, Pamela’s left knee, the screeching tyre on the golf bag, the unexplained geyser in the middle-distance… we could go on. And we have.
Did they fix it: No, but this DVD cover is a cracker. Seriously, sit back and enjoy.
Stars butchered: Tim Allen, Ray Liotta, Jeanne Tripplehorn, J.K. Simmons, Julie Bowen, Sigourney Weaver.
What went wrong where: Leaving the extended family behind the door for a moment, is it just us or is Tim Allen’s chest very flat these days? Also, isn’t Ray Liotta’s head meant to be attached to his neck, not his shoulder? Is his leg cocked like that for a reason? Is he knee-ing the door? And why is Sigourney so obsessed with that particular piece of wood? Doesn’t J.K. Simmons look a bit embarrassed about the whole affair? The only answer to all of these questions: bad Photoshop.
Did they fix it: No they did not. And with the film bombing as badly as it did, we’re not that surprised.
Stars butchered: Zoe Saldana, James Marsden, Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Luke Wilson, Tracy Morgan, Peter Dinklage.
What went wrong where: In and of itself, this is a perfectly decent poster. All the big names are in there, Luke Wilson only looks slightly sedated, Zoe Saldana only a little bit like she’s stepped out of pantomime school, and even the lily in Peter Dinklage’s hand looks okay. Except there’s one super-blunder that ruins it all. Where’s James Marsden’s nipple? Ah. Not so good. Once you see it, it’s all you can look at. Sorry about that.
Did they fix it: Yes they did, and it doesn’t look too shabby. Marsden’s evil nipple is hidden by Chris Rock’s arm, thank goodness.
Stars butchered: Sam Rockwell, Drew Barrymore, Kate Becksinsale, Robert De Niro.
What went wrong where: Sam and Drew look perfectly believable, jolly, lifelike. Just the kind of thing you’d want on a movie poster, in fact. Kate Benkinsale, though absurdly pretty, looks away into the far left for no real reason, and as for Robert De Niro… is that even really Robert De Niro? He’s so whitewashed and scrubbed he’s barely recognisable. And as for that hand / camera combo, is that meant to be Robert’s hand? If so, is that physically possible? And the tree… well, the tree is just crap. That’s final.
Did they fix it: Though it’s pretty dull (De Niro sitting on a airport bench looking grumpy), at least it’s obviously, definitely De Niro. Which is good.
Stars butchered: Jessica Alba, Dane Cook. *
What went wrong where: Um… er… the… um… well, there’s the everything, not forgetting all of it, and, um, anything else we forgot to mention. This poster is so bad, so creepy, so disturbing, so unforgivably wrong, we truly cannot understand who in their right mind rubber stamped this: “Yes, we love it. Plaster it all over the country’s billboards. The nation must see Dane Cook’s sinister face, and quickly!” File this one under ‘disaster zone’ and ‘John Lennon must be turning in his grave’.
Did they fix it: No they most certainly did not. There is no fixing the unfixable. Every single other poster released with this, though not as bad as this one, is truly horrific.
Stars butchered: Richard Dreyfuss, Nia Vardalos.
What went wrong where: There’s the ‘who or what is everyone looking at and why’ conundrum that almost every badly Photoshopped poster suffers from, but then there’s the legs, which seem dislocated and absurdly faked, as well as the shadows on the wall, which make no sense at all, and the almost sweet attempt at a heart in the clouds. Also, how tall is that lady in the hat? And how short is Richard Dreyfuss these days?
Did they fix it: Greece decided to one-up Italy here, seemingly gluing two characters to the bottom lefthand corner, Spain delivers a pretty respectable shocker, but the English edition also deserves some credit for creating the cheekiest picture of Richard Dreyfuss ever Photoshopped.
Stars butchered: Malin Akerman, Brendan Hines, one poor dog. *
What went wrong where: As if the picture of an immensely smiley Malin Akerman being licked by a dog weren’t enough, they had to badly Photoshop an immensely smiley Malin Akerman being licked by a dog. Is that dog mid-jump? What’s it leaping off? Isn’t it worryingly massive in comparison to the human stars of the show? And as for the title font, that could well have been done on Paint.
Did they fix it: There’s an even worse version with the dog licking his nose... for some reason.
Stars butchered: Josh Brolin, Megan Fox. *
What went wrong where: At first glance, this poster looks fine. Atmospheric, moody, all that jazz. But then you notice a few things that are a bit askew (and we’re not talking about Jonah’s scarred face) – though Megan is wearing a corset here, shouldn’t she have a few more ribs than that? And why does Jonah have tiny, T-Rex arms? With those limbs, he’d barely be able to get anything out of his holster, let alone take anything out of his trouser pockets.
Did they fix it: Not really. A teal-and-orange car crash can be seen elsewhere, revealing Jonah’s really strong arms, multiple light sources, and snow that could well be a shower of sparks.
Stars butchered: Clive Owen, Kiera Knightley, Ioan Gruffudd.
What went wrong where: Altogether, the most you can say about this poster is that it’s boring, failing to bring about those epic expectations the movie really wanted, instead giving you the feeling this could well be a straight to DVD number. That said, Kiera Knightley is pretty, and she’s looking great here, and, wait a second… the press release images of her in that pose reveal a slight disparity between the two shots. Especially around the chest area, shall we say…
Stars butchered: Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, Katie Holmes.
What went wrong where: Who are you and what have you done with Diane Keaton’s head? There seems to be no logical reason why she’s turned that way to do the Egyptian while greenbacks rain from the sky, but there she is, her head too big for her body, her left leg turned at an angle just… because. Why is she looking at Katie Holmes instead of the money? Why is her right hand not shown? Our thoughts: a gun. Or maybe even more money.
Did they fix it: Yes, but only through extreme measure – removing all pictures of the cast and replacing it with a black background. Desperate times…
Stars butchered: Kate Hudson, Dane Cook, Jason Biggs.
What went wrong where: This one went so wrong, Dane Cook wrote a blog about how bad it was. Here are a few excerpts: “Whoever Photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfil their hostage taker’s deranged obligations.” Then there’s: “The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull… My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudson’s hair. Kate's mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.” He also points out that his skin looks like the “bathroom floor at Caesar’s Palace”, whereas his lips look like they’ve been blessed with “Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick.” And as for the sightlines? Completely shot.
Did they fix it: No sir. There’s a fierce debate as to which is worse, to be honest.
Stars butchered: Almost too many to mention, so here are just a few: Ben Stiller, Amy Adams, Hank Azaria, Robin Williams, Steve Coogan, Owen Wilson.
What went wrong where: Hey, this looks like fun! Busy, but fun, full of top notch comedians playing intriguing historical characters from the past. Except, well, a couple of things really. Little Owen Wilson on his little horse is just, well, plonked there, with no reflection on the floor despite everyone else getting one, likewise for Steve Coogan, pasted on top of everyone else, and doesn’t Ben Stiller look tall these days? But the Photoshop fail of fails is Hank Azaria stamping on the space monkey’s foot. Why, Hank, why did you do it?
Did they fix it: Yep, the French version nails it. Less cluttered, fewer damaged monkey feet.
Stars butchered: Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman, Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Penelope Cruz.
What went wrong where: This is just a mess. There seems to be an ungodly fascination with Daniel’s crotch, so much so that paparazzi are fighting each other to take a snap of it. Then there’s the mish-mash of different bodies alongside him, odd heights, sightlines, looks, shadowing – all clumsily glued together with these flashes of light that really fail to add anything. Penelope looks the most out of place, writhing as she does while a photographer on the left hand side takes a shot of her thighs.
Stars butchered: Tim Robbins, Martin Lawrence
What went wrong where: It’s true, Tim Robbins is a very tall man (6 foot 5 inches, in fact, making crawling through sewer tunnels all the harder) and Martin Lawrence is, well, a little on the small side (at 5 foot 7 inches), but those aren’t their heads, no way, no how. Robbins’s face looks like its been scrubbed with some steel wool and Lawrence’s face looks glued on.
Did they fix it: Sweden had the right idea, adding in MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS in the background. BOOM! Etc!
Stars butchered: Eva Longoria Parker, Paul Rudd, Lake Bell.
What went wrong where: Eva Longoria Parker’s picture here above the movie title raises a lot of bizarre questions. Why, for example, is one arm much longer than the other? Why does she have no wrists, knuckles, or kneecaps? Why does her necklace dangle down but not her hair? Is that the brightest cloud in the world? Answers, we have none. We could blame Photoshop, of course, so let’s go for that.
Did they fix it: There is a slightly better version, if only because she’s sitting up, not lying down. They do draw a tail and halo on her, however. For shame.
Stars butchered: Zack Ward, Dave Foley, Chris Coppola, Jackie Tohn, Verne Troyer, Mike Dopud.
What went wrong where: A student drama group would be embarrassed with this one. As it’s for a Uwe Boll film, and given that his superpower seems to be being immune to embarrassment, it may have gotten through unremarked. Everyone is poorly cut out and pasted in, and the shadowing stopping barely after it starts. Verne Troyer is better than this. Seriously, he is.
Did they fix it: No they did not. George Bush and Osama are walking through some yellow liquid, maybe rapeseed oil, and Verne is waving at no-one in particular whilst sinking into it. Oh, and there’s a massive explosion for no explicable reason.
Stars butchered: Bryan Greenberg, Uma Thurman, Meryl Streep.
What went wrong where: White background, cut out figures. This is not a good sign. If you take a closer look at Uma’s top and Meryl’s jacket, there’re lots of bumps and lumps from, um, well, bad Photoshop. Nice to note that Bryan Greenberg, the unknown of the three, has his face totally obscured by the angle he’s put in. But that’s by the by, really, when it comes to Meryl’s horrific sightline.
Stars butchered: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon.
What went wrong where: Is that… Kim Cattrall? Can it be? Can it really be? And perhaps that’s meant to be Sarah Jessica Parker, is it? There’s so much airbrushing going on everywhere in this poster, it’s difficult to point the bad Photoshop finger at any one place. Actually, no it's not: the worst victim is Kim Cattrall and her bizarrely double-elbowed left arm.
Stars butchered: N/A
What went wrong where: Okay, this is not a Photoshop blunder, but we just thought we’d share. Look at the tips of the two snakes’ tails. Follow them up to the heads, and… yep, they don’t match up.
Did they fix it: Nah, not really. Spain made the background red, but that tail error lived on…
Stars butchered: Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst.
What went wrong where: At first glance, this looks like a genuinely excellent poster. The golden hue, the reflection of Doc Ock, the pair of them leaping across the city. Then you wonder: “Where’s Mary-Jane’s hand coming from? Because her arm can’t be that long, can it?” Also, as it appears out of the darkness, it resembles Thing from The Addams Family crawling up Spidey’s body. Also, is her thumb bizarrely short, or is it just us? We’re getting really picky, we know.
Did they fix it: Yes, they did. This poster is a blip in an otherwise ace run – if you don't mind that half masked face / half revealed face one, anyway.
Stars butchered: Ashton Kutcher.
What went wrong where: It looks like Ashton has been beaten about the head with a gravestone and had a blind road-digger fix his face. At first glance, it's the protruding chin, then it’s the nose, then it’s the ear, then it’s the chin again. It’s all very sad, as we’ll begrudgingly admit he’s a very handsome man – why the need to mutilate him in Photoshop? Oh, wait, gotcha.
Stars butchered: Jackie Chan, Amber Valletta, Madeline Carroll, Will Shadley.*
What went wrong where: First of all, it’s trying desperately to look like another Spy Kids poster, with the streaming orange light and martial-arts-ready stances, but worse than that, far worse than that, in fact, is the grotesque bodies bad Photoshop has given the four stars. There’s no way the 5’7” Jackie Chan is that tall, and there’s no way his right leg is anywhere near that long. And if you look at his left hand, Jackie’s index finger really shouldn’t be at that angle.
Did they fix it: To be fair, they did. Jackie’s face still looks very Photoshopped, and it’s another BIG RED FONT on white background number, but it looks much better.
Stars butchered: Keanu Reeves, Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, Chris Evans, Martha Higareda.
What went wrong where: Big picture of Keanu Reeves shooting a gun, looking mean? Can’t go wrong with that. Then there are highlighted cut-out profiles of the other big names in the film below, also good, and wait, what? Where’s Keanu’s right index finger? It looks like it’s disappeared. It’s definitely not on the trigger, at any rate, so how the hell is that gun firing? Meaning that big, stern face of his suddenly looks very, very silly.
Did they fix it: No, and they repeat the no-finger-on-trigger blunder throughout the rest of their poster campaign.
Stars butchered: We’d like to say the four child stars, but we’re reassured these aren’t even photos of the right babies.
What went wrong where: Four Photoshopped infants, no puppy fat, all crossed arms, all wearing stuck on shades. They’re glowing, freakishly, and their mouths all seem to be not belong to their faces, not to mention their heads not belonging to their bodies. The two on the right are the worst culprits: one screaming for some reason, the other looking, well, sleazy.
Did they fix it: Not really – and the DVD artwork could be even worse.
Stars butchered: Eva Mendes.*
What went wrong where: We don’t want to poke too many holes in the poster – after all, it is essentially a picture of Eva Mendes in a skin tight leather number – but if you look at her left hand, it’s all, kind of… flubbery. And though we’ll accept that her right arm might be just out of shot, behind her torso, her right leg really ought to be visible, but it ain’t. Sand Saref is just that impressive, we guess.
Stars butchered: Meg Ryan, Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith.
What went wrong where: Everything, anything, all of it. Why has Meg Ryan’s face melted – and why is she so short all of a sudden? Annette Benning has been over-Photoshopped so much it’s hard to recognise her at all, and her head is left substantially bigger than anyone else’s; Debra Messing and Jada Pinkett Smith’s shared secret is so fake it may make you gag and Eva Mendes has suddenly taken a huge interest in her right breast. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.
Did they fix it: Not really – the 27 Dresses-style words-in-a-torso look didn’t quite work out.
Stars butchered: Rider Strong, Corey Large, April Scott, James DeBello, Kaley Cuoco… the list goes on.
What went wrong where: It’s safe to say that though the poster designers might want you to think they these guys are all in a bed, they definitely weren’t when their photos were taken. James DeBello on the far right, for example, his right cheek photoshopped bizarrely, was definitely not in a bed. The legs and torsos they used, maybe, but not the heads, no way. But that’s a minor quibble in what amounts to a car crash of photoshop mistakes, from the bottle of beer at the end of the bed to the sightlines that appear to be going here, there and everywhere. A how not-to guide, essentially.
Did they fix it: Not unless you count a picture of a lady in lingerie lying on the ground. Oh, you do?
Stars butchered: Joaquin Phoenix, Gwyneth Paltrow, Vinessa Shaw.
What went wrong where: Vinessa Shaw is a very good-looking woman… so why did they do that with her face? Her forehead looks wrong – but then again, at least she’s actually looking at Joaquin (kind of), whereas Gwyneth is starting to smirk at something in the middle distance. As for the lighting, it’s all over the shop, everyone glowing in certain places, just, you know, because.
Did they fix it: A simpler poster, complete with white background and photo reel effect, is also out there.
Stars butchered: Hayden Christensen, Mischa Barton, Kate Groombridge, Rosalind Halstead.
What went wrong where: The legs! The feet! They’re attacking! And Hayden (who looks like he’s been run down by a steam roller) swats a couple away nonchalantly as he stares into nowhere. Mischa also looks a bit flat, but has fewer inquisitive feet to be dealing with, and further up, you begin to wonder whose feet are meant to be whose, if they are indeed meant to be anyone’s feet, and why they’re there at all, and, and, and… it’s all so confusing. Also, check out the lighting, which starts out strong from the right at the top of the poster, and then appears to come from the left at the bottom. Eeep.
Did they fix it: No! They made it worse on the DVD, somehow.
Stars butchered: Angelina Jolie
What went wrong where: A couple of things here: one, Angie’s arm cannot be that long, it’s just not physically possible, and two, considering the impressive size of the weapon she’s holding, there’s no way it could be that thin, either. But it gets worse: it seems that this poster is a rip-off in of itself, looking suspiciously like the poster for 2007’s Juncture, which plays with a kneeling, “Forgive me father for I have sinned” angle.
Did they fix it: Yes they did, and they did it with style. And bending bullets.
Stars butchered: Pierce Brosnan, Greg Kinnear, Jennifer Connelly.
What went wrong where: So you’ve made a movie starring Pierce Brosnan, Jennifer Connelly, Marisa Tomei, Ed Harris, and Greg Kinnear, and you want to publicise this star-studded indie as best as possible. Naturally, you release this as your first poster.
A couple of questions, though. Why have you picked a picture of Jennifer Connelly – a woman universally regarded to be one of the goshdarn prettiest in the world – where she’s squinting? And why is James Bond lit from a totally different angle to anyone else? And just how did Greg’s arm twist that badly into that bible? And, um, why is it so bad, generally? For a film with such potential, it just looks so cheap…
Did they fix it? No, this the only poster released so far.
Stars butchered: James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Rose Byrne, January Jones, Jennifer Lawrence, Oliver Platt, Kevin Bacon… the list goes on and on.
What went wrong where: The bobble heads, ah, the bobble heads. There’s so much that’s so squiffy with this one that we think it’s probably more fun for you to spot the blunders yourself. Besides, we already were pretty harsh about this one when it first came out…
What makes it more embarrassing is the fact that this poster may not be the worst the film’s marketing department released – who can forget the silhouette-floaty-faces, after all?
Did they fix it? Well, they kind of did. The French version of the poster looks pretty damn good and then there’s the reflected-pool posters, which we’ve always liked.
Stars butchered: Laura Linney, Mark Ruffalo.
What went wrong where: THEY ARE NOT HUGGING. NO-ONE HUGS LIKE THAT. NO-ONE. AND IF THEY DID, WHO WOULD TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH, THEN STICK ON THEIR WALL? COME ON!
Did they fix it? Yes they did – it’s just a still from the film, but it’s a good still from the film, and it works. Lovely stuff.
Stars butchered: Sigourney Weaver, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Gene Hackman.
What went wrong where: When we first released this badly photoshopped poster round-up, there was one poster above all others that Empire readers were keen to point out we missed: Heartbreakers. Now though it’s not the most horrific poster ever photoshopped – Nic Cage’s Bangkok Dangerous probably wins that prize – it does contain Gene Hackman seemingly leaping out of nowhere, and that’s definitely something to be celebrated. That and Signourney Weaver’s scarily photoshopped face. Seriously, it’s spooky.
Did they fix it? Nah, not really.
Star butchered: Owen Wilson.
What went wrong where: We’re happy to be wrong here, but is that really meant to be Owen Wilson’s actual hand? How long is his arm? That besides, we forgot just how shiny Owen is getting these days. He looks almost… polished, even.
Did they fix it? Well, in France they added a woman’s bum in bikini bottoms. How come we don’t get the woman’s-bum-in-bikini-bottoms addition, eh?
Stars butchered: Keanu Reeves, Vera Farmiga, James Caan.
What went wrong where: Everything, all things, everywhere. All three pictures of the cast are badly cut out from film stills, pasted onto an unremarkable street, and then on top of all that, someone’s drawn all over it all with a white pen like it’s post-match analysis time on Match Of The Day. Keanu’s face pretty much says it all, really. Plus, James Caan is clearly offside.
Did they fix it? They did, actually – there’s a pretty decent version where where you can see Vera’s lovely, lovely face. Always helps a poster, that.
Stars butchered: Matt Damon, Emily Blunt.
What went wrong where: The perspective is horrific here, and Emily and Matt’s shadows disappear too soon. Plus, there’s the lighting, which seems to come from the top left, but the shadows don’t reflect this… It’s just a bit of a mess all round, really. Mr. Damon, Ms. Blunt, you deserved so much better.
Did they fix it? Well, it seems to be another case of the words-over-faces get-out clause, but it kind of works. Maybe.
Star butchered: Uma Thurman.
What went wrong where: The ‘hair’. ‘Nuff said.
Did they fix it? In terms of Uma’s hair, no. In terms of anything else? Also no.
Star butchered: Paul Bettany.
What went wrong where: Almost nothing. Emphasis on the ‘almost’ there, mind. Looking from the top down, it’s a pretty impressive poster – who knew Paul Bettany looked so good in wings, eh? – but as soon as you seen the weaponry in his hands, it all goes very wrong. Nothing screams ‘afterthought’ more than a shiny machine gun with totally different lighting to the rest of the poster jutting out at the bottom. The knife isn’t much better, but honestly, was the addition of poorly photoshopped armaments worth it guys? Really?
Did they fix it? They almost do, and then you realise they haven’t. One bus poster nearly hits the ‘acceptable’ mark before you realise that his gun is in the wrong hand, somehow. Bugger.
Stars butchered: Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke.
What went wrong where: At first glance, the main poster for The Expendables looks perfectly acceptable. Sure, it’s not the most original one-sheet in the world – nine burly action heroes standing in bulletproof vests, staring at the camera, with their names cascading down above them – but it gets the point across: this is an action movie, full of action stars. There will be action, there will be guns, there will be blood.
Look closer however, and there are some problems. Big problems, in fact. Not only is Arnie not in the poster – the sacrilege! – but Mickey Rourke and Bruce Willis look like they’ve been drawn with a crayon. By a drunk man. In zero gravity. And this, ladies and gents, kind of ruins the rest of the poster. Just as well no-one took the pictures of Rourke and Willis out and put them on separate, individual posters, eh? Wait, what?
Did they fix it? Yes – by removing the actors’ pictures entirely and going for a black-and-red-shiny-skull-covered-in-knives-and-guns number, which really, actually, genuinely worked.
Stars butchered: Gerard Butler, Jennifer Aniston.
What went wrong where: A couple of question for the poster designers here: What is Gerard Butler actually sitting on? Where is his arse? Doesn’t Jennifer Aniston look a little too big here? And Gerry too small? And no, you can’t peg this one on foreshortening, no way, no how…
Did they fix it? No – the other poster they released is almost just as bad as this one. Seriously, it was a tough call picking just one to put in the list…
Stars butchered: Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, Helena Bonham Carter.
What went wrong where: This was the first U.S. poster for a film that went on to win Best Picture at the 2011 Academy Awards. We repeat: this was the first poster for a film that went on to win Best Picture at the 2011 Academy Awards. A poster that seems to have turned all the stars into clay and then make them look in totally different directions for no apparent reason. In other words, it was a right royal cock-up, what?
Perhaps it serves as testament to the film’s own strengths that everyone seemed to forget and/or ignore just how bad this one-sheet was and watch the movie anyway (several times, in some cases) – or maybe it’s because subsequent posters did a much finer job, as seen by this words-over-face number here.
Did they fix it? As previously mentioned, yes, yes they did. You know, if you like your Kings covered in big floaty words, that is.
Stars butchered: Martin Lawrence, Brandon T. Jackson.
What went wrong where: Um, er… well, there’s, um, everything. Yes, everything. How on earth did anyone think this was going to encourage people to watch the movie? How? HOW!?
Did they fix it? No, there’s no fixing something as horrible as this.