Your time is precious, and maybe that’s why certain films go out of their way to make clear what’s in store. Not for them the tease or the slow build; in these instances, the outcome is clear. As Lone Survivor hits cinemas, we’ve gathered together some similarly spoilerific movies. Each of these titles gives away crucial points about how the film ends. It’s thoughtful, really: these could literally save you hours of your life. This article, obviously, contains spoilers!
Why it’s a spoiler: With Marky Mark’s big mug on the poster, we’re left in little doubt that he will no longer be accompanied by the Funky Bunch when the credits roll.
Why it’s a spoiler: Er, Jesse James is assassinated by Robert Ford (the coward). At least it doesn’t let on that Robert Ford also gets assassinated – probably because there wasn’t room on the poster for "The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford Who Is Himself Later Assassinated So Ya-Boo-Sucks To Him".
Why it’s a spoiler: Although it takes two films to happen, Bill gets killed.
Why it’s a spoiler: The world pretty much does end, due to decisions taken when the film’s leads reach the pub of the same name. This poster also gives away the entire plot just by listing pub names – but admittedly that isn’t obvious until you’ve seen it.
Why it’s a spoiler: While it's taken from the book on which it's based, the title does reveal that Solomon Northup’s ordeal comes to an end after 12 years.
Why it’s a spoiler: Admittedly, the spoiler here would be difficult to avoid for anyone with even a basic knowledge of history, but along with this extraordinary teaser poster, Titanic makes no bones about its destination. It may as well be called “Iceberg Sinks Ship While Lady Clings Selfishly To A Door”.
Why it’s a spoiler: It takes over two hours to get there, but eventually there is a violent confrontation between snaky oilman Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis) and uppity preacher Eli Sunday (Paul Dano). There certainly is blood. And bowling pins.
Why it’s a spoiler: Willy Loman, our eponymous salesman, ends up dying. In fairness, the title could have been more spoilerific: Suicide Of A Salesman For The Life Insurance, anyone?
Why it’s a spoiler: Joe Carnahan still hasn’t got around to making his adaptation of Mark Bowden’s 2001 true crime book, so he may yet avoid giving away the grisly fate of Pablo Escobar. “Hunting Pablo” would, in our view, be a little less of a giveaway.
Why it’s a spoiler: In Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel and the original, scrapped ending for the Will Smith vehicle, the title reveals a huge twist: while our hero thinks he’s been nobly fighting scary vampires, in fact he’s the one who’s been scaring them. He is, in other words, their legendary monster.
Why it’s a spoiler: Hugh Grant’s adorably bumbling cartographer initially thinks a Welsh mountain is a hill, only for the villagers to pile earth on top so it technically becomes a mountain. The whole thing is probably also a metaphor of some sort, but that's less obviously spoiled.
Why it’s a spoiler: The whole film revolves around whether or not Luke Skywalker will renounce the dark side and become a Jedi, or fall for the easier path. But the title sort of gives away which way he goes. See also: Revenge Of The Sith and Attack Of The Clones.
Why it’s a spoiler: In case the poster and tagline didn’t make it obvious enough, the Phoenix takes flight.
Why it’s a spoiler: The French title for The Shawshank Redemption, Les Évadés, translates as The Escapees, succinctly reveals that both Andy Dufresne (Tim Robbins) and Ellis Boyd “Red” Redding (Morgan Freeman) get to leave Shawshank, one way or another.
Why it’s a spoiler: Apparently ‘The Mighty Ducks’ was too ambiguous a title, and the film was renamed for its UK video release to reassure prospective buyers that the Ducks do, in fact, win the day. In case you thought the bad guys were going to win. In a kids movie.
Why it’s a spoiler: After some enthusiastic decapitations, Jason does indeed go to Hell. However, the title is at once a huge spoiler and hugely misleading: he may go to Hell, but this was unfortunately not the final Friday.
Why it’s a spoiler: After much prevaricating and some business with a Ring, the King – Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) after a good beard trim and some deep conditioning treatment – does in fact return.
Why it’s a spoiler: By the end of this episode, it’s revealed that it’s not lawyer Maggie Lizer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) who is blind, but rather her seeing-eye dog, Justice.