Five Dwayne Johnson Projects That Could Have Been...

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Last week Dwayne Johnson proudly announced that his next project - a film called Teddy Bear - is based on a painting for children that he likes. This might seem like an odd way to approach an idea for a film, but it was a long road to that "Eureka!" moment for Johnson. We trawled through his bins and discovered that he'd abandoned five projects based on paintings by kids before he hit on the idea of instead investigating paintings for kids: here we can present the projects that fell by the wayside.

1. The Birds And The Boats

Plot: Johnson stars as John Sailor, who sets off in a boat on a round-the-world voyage with his family when he's made redundant from his job as a cupcake designer. Surviving a freak storm, the Sailors find themselves in a world populated by weird avian creatures, giant jumping fish and flying steamers. When the villainous Man In The Sun (Adam Sandler) tries to destroy this peaceful place, John Sailor must punch him repeatedly until his knuckles burn in order to save his family and new-found friends. Also starring Michael Caine as the wise old salmon.

Reason abandoned: Johnson and Sandler fell out over who came up with the line "You sun of a bitch".

2. M: The Winged Serpents

Plot: Taking a few liberties with the remake licence, Johnson stars as Jimmy Quinn in this multi-million dollar re-imagining of Q: The Winged Serpent. When a flock of flying Ms attack New York, Johnson enlists the help of Rainbow Joe, an animated daffodil who can project rainbows from his stamen. Jimmy and Joe manage to fight back the marauding, flying letters, but only when the skyscrapers of New York city grow legs of their own and start leaping into the air to attack the Ms.

Reason abandoned: It was discovered that the kid who painted this was a 32-year-old LSD addict.

3. Parsnip Of Power

Plot: Dwayne Johnson stars as Farmer Bob in this heart-warming family film about a man trying to grow the world's biggest parsnip. Despite sacrificing time with his family to tend to the titanic tuber, Bob eventually convinces his wife and daughter to help him haul the vast vegetable out of the ground in order to enter it into the village fête. But what's this? It's that blasted Man In The Sun again, only this time played by Will Ferrell because of the previous disagreement with Adam Sandler! What will the solar slimeball get up to this time?

Reason abandoned: It's about a frickin' parsnip.

4. Mr. Mingy's Thingy

Plot: Johnson is Mike Mingy, a normal, down-to-earth, massively-ripped guy who lives with his wife, three kids and, uh, dingo in rural Wyoming. One day he discovers a yellow, dome-shaped object with strange red markings in his yard, and the phenomenon becomes known as Mr. Mingy's Thingy. Scientists from all over the world come to investigate in the hope that Mr. Mingy's Thingy is a sign of extraterrestrial life, but it eventually transpires that it's just a big mushroom. Mr. Mingy cooks it for his family, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Reason abandoned: Potential encouragement of drug use among minors.

5. Journey To The Centre Of The Erf

Plot: Dwayne Johnson stars as Dr. Pierce Jones, a specialist in the field of vulcanology. When his daughter Ayesha paints a top-down view of a volcano he's never seen before, he whisks his family away to locate the mysterious mountain. After years of searching and various improbable adventures, the volcano in question is found, and it appears to provide a gateway to another planet: Erf. The inhabitants of Erf prove to be selfish, arrogant and self-destructive, and in a final twist it's revealed that Dr. Jones and his family were, in fact, on Earth all along. Nobody is surprised.

Reason abandoned: It's just complete rubbish.

N.B. All of the above projects may be figments of our imagination.