Classic Scene #4: Five Easy Pieces

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BOBBY: I’d like a plain omelet, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee and wheat toast.

WAITRESS: No substitutions.

BOBBY: What do you mean? You don’t have any tomatoes?

WAITRESS: Only what’s on the menu. You can have a Number Two. A plain omelet. It comes with cottage fries and rolls.

BOBBY: Naw, I know what it comes with, but its not what I want.

WAITRESS: Well, I’ll come back when you make up your mind.

BOBBY: Wait a minute, I have made up my mind. I’d like a plain omelet, no potatoes on the plate, a cup of coffee and a side order of wheat toast.

WAITRESS: I’m sorry, we don’t have any side orders of toast. I’ll give you an English muffin or a coffee roll.

BOBBY: What do you mean you don’t make side orders of toast? You make sandwiches, don’t you?

WAITRESS: Would you like to talk to the manager?

BOBBY: You’ve got bread? And a toaster of some kind?

WAITRESS: I don’t make the rules.

BOBBY: Okay, I’ll make it as easy for you as I can. I’d like an omelet. Plain. And a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast. No mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.

WAITRESS: A Number Two. Chicken sal san. Hold the butter, the lettuce and the mayonnaise. And a cup of coffee.

BOBBY: Yeah. Now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich and you haven’t broken any rules.

WAITRESS: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?

BOBBY: I want you to hold it between your knees.

WAITRESS: You see that sign sir? Yes, y’all have to leave. I’m not taking any more of your smartness and sarcasm. (Bobby puts on his sunglasses)

BOBBY: You see this sign? (He violently swipes everything off the table.)