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The Quotes Of 2014

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There is no greater pleasure for a film fan than quoting truly memorable dialogue. Or, in the case of the Empire office, misquoting it beyond all recognition.

2014 delivered some absolute belters for us to mangle, from the keyboards of renowned wordsmiths like Dan Gilroy, Wes Anderson, James Gunn and the Coen Brothers. Some are cheesy, some are hilarious, some are moving, some are even slightly terrible - but they all lodged in our head and refused to leave.

Here, with some suggestions crowdsourced via our Twitter feed and Facebook page, are 50 of the best, starting with a quote so utterly preposterous that we've barely stopped saying it since. And yes, we get it right. Most of the time.

THE QUOTE OF THE YEAR

“MY FACE IS MY
WARRANT”
TITUS WELLIVER SPILLS ON THE YEAR'S MOST EXTRAORDINARY LINE...

WORDS: CHRIS HEWITT

Titus Welliver - My face is my warrant

T here's not a lot to write home about when it comes to watching Transformers: Age Of Extinction, which is why it's almost entirely absent from all our Review Of The Year lists. But then Titus Welliver's sunglasses-wearing government goon pulls into Mark Wahlberg's farm with intention to do harm, and the year's most outrageous, jawdroppingly daft, and ridiculously awesome line comes with him. Challenged by Wahlberg to produce a warrant, Welliver's James Savoy simply points at his grizzled grill and growls, 'my face is my warrant'. Empire caught up with the renowned character actor – and star of the forthcoming Amazon show, Bosch – and asked him for the story of that line.

"That was not a scripted line. I improvised that line. Many years ago I was attending a show. Everyone was going out inbetween acts to the VIP area where they could smoke cigarettes, and Jack Nicholson happened to be out there. When it was time to come back inside for the show, the security guards were being very tight in saying, 'make sure you have your badges out'. Nicholson, of course, is the one guy who doesn't have his badge on. The guy says, 'sir, where is your badge?' And Nicholson says, 'my face is my badge'. That's always made me laugh.

It wasn't calculated. The line just came out of my mouth. Mark is the consummate professional – he didn't go, 'hey, that's not what the script says'. He didn't bat an eye. And fortunately, Michael Bay liked it. One of the nice things with Bay is that there was an openness for improvisation. I'm a writer, and I have tremendous respect for writers, having studied with David Mamet and worked so much with David Milch, but I know when a line won't come out of my mouth. But I don't think there was even a line there originally. I don't think Savoy said anything.

It's totally changed the demographic of fanbase I have. I now have eight and twelve and fifteen year olds coming up to me and saying that, which cracks me up. There's a shirt out there with a picture of Savoy and underneath it says, 'my face is my warrant'. It gives me a bit of a tickle in my stomach. Do I get any money for that? I get nothing. Just the smile."


“Bruce Wayne? Who's that? Sounds like a cool guy...”

    • Batman (Will Arnett), The Lego Movie*

    “She has no idea. If I had a blacklight, this place would look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

    • Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), Guardians Of The Galaxy*

“You don't want the bumpers. Life doesn't give you bumpers.”

    • Mason Sr. (Ethan Hawke), Boyhood*

“What. The. Fuck.”

    • Anna (Maika Monroe) echoes the audience's thinking completely with the year's best last line, The Guest*

“If you want to win the lottery, you have to make the money to buy a ticket.”

    • Lou Bloom (Jake Gyllenhaal) outlines one of his favourite mottos, Nightcrawler*

“You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilisation left in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity. Indeed that's what we provide in our own modest, humble, insignificant... oh, fuck it.”

    • M. Gustave (Ralph Fiennes), The Grand Budapest Hotel*

    The Grand Budapest Hotel“You drank Ian. You drank Ian.”

    • Adam (Tom Hiddleston) reacts to some bad news, Only Lovers Left Alive*

“So, you always were an asshole."

    • Logan (Hugh Jackman), X-Men: Days Of Future Past*

“That's certainly a startling opening line.”

    • Father James (Brendan Gleeson) responds to 'I first tasted semen when I was seven years old', Calvary*

“Choke me with that dead cat.”

    • SexyKitten (Kristen Wiig), Her*

“Why's there always some cunt with a guitar?”

    • Jay (James Buckley), The Inbetweeners 2*

“On your feet, maggot.”

    • Cruel Sergeant (Terence Maynard) , Edge Of Tomorrow*

“I'll tell you what - I'm never eating at Benihana again. I don't care whose birthday it is.”

    • Donny (Jonah Hill), The Wolf Of Wall Street*

“Let's carpe some fucking diem!”

    • James Leighton-Masters (Freddie Fox), The Riot Club*

“I feel like grabbing you by the ears right now and screaming, 'I'm not fucking interested.' But I'm going to go home and do some accounting instead.”

    • Lou Bloom, Nightcrawler*

    “I'll tell you what God's given you. He's put a bullet in you, and he's abandoned you out here to me.”

    • Eric (Guy Pearce) gives it to Robert Pattinson straight, The Rover*

“Would it be alright if I showed the children the whoring bed?”

    • Mrs. H (Uma Thurman), Nymphomaniac*

“You fight much harder than you fuck.”

    • Artemisia (Eva Green), 300: Rise Of An Empire*

“You're stuffed, bear.”

    • Millicent Clyde (Nicole Kidman), Paddington*

“Werewolves, not swearwolves!”

    • Anton (Rhys Darby), What We Do In The Shadows*

“Hail Hydra!”

    • Assorted, Captain America: The Winter Soldier*

“This is how it works man, the one with the gun gets to tell the truth.”

    • Dwight (Macon Blair), Blue Ruin*

“And how about Liam Neeson showing up earlier? Do you have any idea how hard it is getting Liam Neeson? He doesn't have a phone, and we got him!”

    • The Narrator (Bill Kurtis) sounds genuinely impressed, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues... Continued*

“Best job I've ever had.”

    • The crew of Fury, Fury*

    “You can't get rid of the Babadook.”

    • Samuel (Noah Wiseman), The Babadook*

    “You two are the most fucked up people I've ever met, and I deal with fucked up people for a living.”

    • Tanner Bolt (Tyler Perry), Gone Girl*

“Deploy the algorithm!”

    • Charlie XO (Jon Sklaroff), Captain America: The Winter Soldier*

“I want you to drain every ounce of their blood - even if it kills them!”

    • Eric (William Fichtner), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles*

“I can't explain why virgin blood tastes better. I guess it's like a sandwich, it just tastes better if you know nobody else has fucked it.”

    • Vladislav (Jemaine Clement), What We Do In The Shadows*

“Give the fucking guy some water, he's black, he's been through a lot.”

    • Schmidt (Jonah Hill), 22 Jump Street*


“Nothing goes over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it.”

    • Drax (Dave Bautista), Guardians Of The Galaxy*

“We used to look up and wonder about our place in the heavens. Now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt.”

    • Cooper (Matthew McConaughey), Interstellar*

“Everyone wants Atticus Finch until there's a dead hooker in the bathtub.”

    • Hank Palmer (Robert Downey Jr.), The Judge*

“You know, I think I do remember you now. Yeah... We came to you a long time ago seeking your help. And I'm gonna say to you what you said to us then: fuck off!”

    • Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) actually gets this Wolverine line wrong (he'd fit right in at Empire Towers), X-Men: Days Of Future Past*

“Fucking centaurs!”

    • Hercules (Dwayne Johnson), Hercules*

“Why don't you just take a jerk, you hike!”

    • Joel (Paul Rudd), They Came Together*

“We're so cute I want to punch us in the face.”

    • Amy Dunne (Rosamund Pike), Gone Girl*

“If you ever do it again, which as a favour to women everywhere you should not, but if you do, you should be wearing condom on condom, and then wrap it in electrical tape. You should just walk around, always, inside a great big condom, because you are shit.”

    • Jean (Carey Mulligan), Inside Llewyn Davis*

    “You're dizzy because you played Russian roulette with your vagina.”

    • Nellie (Gaby Hoffman), Obvious Child*

“When you're in a battle with an enemy that's so much bigger, so much stronger than you, to find out you had a friend you never knew existed, well, that's the best feeling in the world.”

    • Dai (Paddy Considine), Pride*

“I AM The Hague!”

    • Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), The Expendables 3*

“Dai, your gays have arrived!”

    • Gwen (Menna Trussler), Pride*

“I don't want to survive, I want to live.”

    • Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor), 12 Years A Slave*

“Brook your ire, sir!”

    • J.M.W. Turner (Timothy Spall), Mr. Turner*

“Killing a priest on a Sunday. That'll be a good one.”

    • Father James (Brendan Gleeson), Calvary*

“Posh cunts telling thick cunts to kill poor cunts. That's the army for you.”

    • Eamon (Richard Dormer), '71*

“Everybody good? Plenty of slaves for my robot colony?”

    • TARS (Bill Irwin), Interstellar*

“Apes! Together! Strong!”

    • Caesar (Andy Serkis), Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes*