Samuel L. Jackson is spread across the internet like a roll of kitchen towel on a patch of spilt milk. He’s back in the headlines with his indignant objection to being confused with Laurence Fishburne when a foolish journalist could have sworn he was Laurence Fishburne, and as a result we decided that it is our duty to sift through the Samuel L. Jackson-related YouTubery – not even counting Tom Hiddleston impersonating Samuel L. Jackson as Loki or the TV edit of that line from Snakes On A Plane – and serve up 10 of the finest, funniest, weirdest cuts of prime SLJ for your watching pleasure.
P.S. This feature is not for swearing scaredy-cats. You have been warned, motherfucker.
Swear words: 2
You may not have realised it, but there was a hole in your existence marked “Samuel L. Jackson as a baby talking about video games”, and this is the only thing that will fill it. Thank you, Spike’s Video Game Awards. Thank you, CGI wizards who made this happen. Thank you, Samuel L. Jackson.
See also: Samuel L. Jackson as a Jedi Angry Bird, from the same awards ceremony.
Swear words: 6
As well as pretty much every other actor you can think of, Samuel L. Jackson stars in Jimmy Kimmel’s Hollywood-spanning spoof, Movie: The Movie, and you can watch it in all its nine-minute glory here. But since it’s such a big project, Movie: The Movie needed serious promotional efforts, and Samuel L. Jackson was called upon for help. In the superskit, Samuel L. Jackson plays an airplane pilot, which explains the get-up, but not his attitude towards all his colleagues.
Swear words: 0
A muted, passive Samuel L. Jackson joins forces with a muted, passive Tobey Maguire to make you, and Zach Galifianakis, feel a bit awkward. There are no f-bombs, or mother f-bombs, or any other bombs, but there is Arcade Fire and a very weird plug for The Campaign’s home entertainment release. Really, the biggest takeaway is how good Samuel L. Jackson looks in a grey hoodie, grey tracksuit trousers and grey beanie hat combo.
Swear words: 2
You’ve hired Samuel L. Jackson to host your awards show, so the only sensible thing to do is put a pink wig on his shiny dome and ask him to sing Nicki Minaj’s ‘Beez In The Trap’. But if the resulting performance is too short for you, rest assured that the internet has your back. You can choose from the 10 minute long version here or, for the serious Jackson aficionado, there is a 10 hour mix here.
Swear words: 18
Best-selling "children's book for adults" Go The Fuck To Sleep was written by Adam Mansbach, illustrated by Ricardo Cortés and read by Samuel L. Jackson. The full Audible audiobook version, channeling the soul-cry of frustrated parents everywhere, only clocks in at four and a half minutes, but when there are so many expletives involved – and it’s read by the king of cursing – it’s very much worth your time. Incidentally, to see Kevin Pollak read some of Go The Fuck To Sleep with the voice of Christopher Walken, click this way.
See also: Samuel L. Jackson telling voters to “Wake the fuck up!” in advance of the 2012 American elections.
Swear words: None
The lesson that all journalists learnt from this video interview is that if you’re going to ask Samuel L. Jackson a question about “the N word”, you better have the balls to say the relevant word. No-one wants to be staring down Samuel L. Jackson’s steely glare as he responds to your question faster than a speeding bullet: “No, nobody, none? The word would be…?” You get the impression that this isn’t the first time he’s hairdryered a fool for making just this motherfucking mistake.
Swear words: None
As he’s appeared in so many films with so many people, you’ve got to forgive Samuel L. Jackson if he fails to remember the names of certain co-stars he’s worked with over the years. What’s less forgivable is Ellen’s inability to work out who Samuel L. Jackson is referring to when he says “Taxi Driver”. De Generes! Come on! Incidentally, if you like this game, you should buy the iPhone version called “Heads Up!”.
Swear words: None (though the thank you message has a dozen)
When Bryan Cranston delivered the “I am the one who knocks / I am the danger” speech in Breaking Bad, he made it one of those goosebump-enducing moments of TV history you will never forget. Samuel L. Jackson makes a pretty good go of it too, recording his take on a laptop to raise money for an Alzheimer’s charity. In the end, he made millions for the very good cause, and in return agreed to read out a monologue written by a generous Redditor. The resulting video kicks off with “We did it, internet. We fucking did it!” and then turns into a pledge to quit acting and devote his life to vigilantism: “YO! KNOCK THAT MOTHERFUCKING CRIME OFF!”
Swear words: 1 (from Hathaway)
Slavery and 19th century France aren’t typical comedy topics, but in the hands of Django Unchained’s most wretched villain and Miss Misérables herself, they somehow become pretty darn funny. It’s all thanks to a revolutionary new comic concept called a “Sad-Off”, where two famous folk battle it out to decide who appears in the sadder film. How do tuberculosis-afflicted singing prostitutes really measure up to slaves? You need to watch it if only to see Anne Hathaway smash up a “gingerbread plantation” with her fists.
See also: another Funny Or Die skit called “Everything Is Samuel L. Jackson’s Fault”
Swear words: None
David Blaine may have his Harrison Fords and Katy Perrys on his show, but Dynamo has Samuel L. Jackson, and for the purposes of this list, that’s far more impressive. Also impressive is the mirror trick Dynamo pulls on him, which we still can’t work out (but from the looks of the comment section on the clip’s YouTube page, you probably can).