Monk With No Name is the last in a long line of warriors who defend the mystical and deadly Scroll of the Ultimate from evil. Now, he has to fend off neo-Nazi attackers who want to rule the world, while training street bum Kar to become his eventual replacement.
Empire is celebrating The Matrix this issue, and rightly so. Yet sometimes that movie's influence on a whole host of lesser, lame-brained movies is lamentable - and never more so than here, an early contender for Worst Movie of 2003.
After all, the plot - some mystical bollocks about finding The One (and if you thought Keanu was a stretch in that department, try Seann William Scott for size) - is Matrix-lite. And don't get us started on the lo-grav fight scenes, scuppered by dreadful choreography, shocking bluescreen work and quite appalling editing, which suggest that first-timer Hunter just didn't get the coverage he needed.
His dialogue scenes are just as bad, hanging a decent cast out to dry. But the real tragedy here is the waste of Hong Kong legend Chow Yun-Fat, clearly struggling with sub-Yoda platitudes in an alien language.
It's painful to watch, especially when you consider that this was produced by his good chum, John Woo. With friends like that
How's this for a poster quote: The Finest One-Star Movie Of The Year! Complete Crap! Empire.