How much is a pint of milk?
How much does it cost? Well, that’s a good question. I’m going to go with $2.35. I’m a little off? (Laughs)
On a scale of one to ten, how famous are you?
I’d say about a two, compared to a President. I’m just saying in the scheme of things, you got Gandhi and me. There’s gotta be something in between.
What’s your favourite animal?
Kitty-cats. People think they’re stuck-up, but it’s the people who are idiots. Cats are perfectly, completely formed creatures. They don’t need our help as much. If we don’t feed ’em, they’ll go eat a rat or something. They don’t need ya.
What’s your favourite word?
No. It’s the most powerful word in the English language.
What’s your favourite joke?
My favourite joke is called The Stuffed Chief Of Policemen, and it’s a very long joke with a terrible pay-off. It doesn’t work in print. It doesn’t work, even when you tell it!
Do people quote your own lines back at you?
They do. Mostly, though, they want me to say it for them live. My response is, rent the movie. I’m not your little monkey. “Gimme some sugar, baby,” is right up there and I know that that line is effective because a guy came up to me and thanked me for that line. He was working in Beijing, China, and he had the line translated into Mandarin and went into a bar and used it on a Chinese girl and he got laid. It works all around the world.
When did you last walk out of a movie?
Oh boy, better question — when did I last go to a movie? I don’t really go because it reminds me of work. I see actors looking at their marks and being cute.
Have you ever used your celebrity to get something for free?
No, because I loathe that. I really hate it. It’s embarrassing when people just give you stuff. It’s the worst kind of hypocrisy, in my experience. Actors make all this money — then why don’t you pay for your own shit? You like that big, fancy watch? Buy it, big shot!
Have you ever worn sunglasses indoors?
Boy, if I did, it was for a movie. Normally, I think it’s a jackass thing to do.
The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
Beatles, for sure. The Stones, I think, have about four good songs. Beyond that, they’re just kinda mishy-mashy. I don’t think I could sit down and listen to an hour of The Beatles but they’ve got some songs that are just great rock ’n’ roll.
What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?
I blew my hamstring two years ago fighting a stuntman. If you’ve ever blown a hamstring, the reason why they call you ‘hamstrung’ is because you cannot walk. I went, “Christ, am I ever going to be able to walk again?” You can’t put weight on it, you can’t do anything. But having done so many dumb things in movies, I’m glad it was the worst of it. I haven’t got anything that fucks you up in years to come.
What’s your nickname?
Some people call me The Chin, but that’s mostly fans. My friends call me Dumbass, I think.
Window or aisle?
Aisle. I don’t like being jammed in, where you gotta climb over somebody to use the loo. If you’re on the aisle, the only problem is that everybody who walks by you bumps into you.
3D or not 3D?
3D if they get rid of the stupid glasses. When that happens, we’ll talk. I did Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, and it was very effective, but I don’t know that everything has to be in 3D.
Which film have you seen more than any other?
I would say stuff I’ve worked on, like The Evil Dead. I’ve seen that more than any other movie, working on the sound, working on the editing, looking at the dailies,
going to screenings. I’ve hosted dozens and dozens of screenings of that movie. I know every frame, for sure.
Where do you go when you die?
I think it’s going to be a whole different thing than anybody thought. Everyone’s going to get it wrong and that’s the last laugh. You’re going to get somewhere and there’ll be a goat standing there and that’s going to be it. I’m not afraid of it.
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