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HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF MILK?
SIMON PEGG

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Simon Pegg

On a scale of one to ten, how famous are you?
It depends. At Comic-Con, walking the floor, I’m definitely nine. Walking down Oxford Street, I’m three.

What one thing do you do better than anyone else?
Simon Pegg films.

Who were you in your first school play?
The Pied Piper Of Hamelin. It was a meaty role. I had to basically rid the town of some rats and then dupe the same town into giving me all their children. It’s quite sinister, that story. Basically, I played a brightly dressed paedophile at the age of seven.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?
I ate a rotten Brazil nut one Christmas. It was the most decayed, rotten piece of nut flesh I’ve ever had in my life. Actually, just put “nut flesh”. They can take from that what they will…

What’s your favourite animal?
Dogs. Without question. I love dogs.

How much is a pint of milk?
I know that this is going to be about me having lost the plot and going all sorts of Hollywood. So I went to check. It’s a dollar 50.

Have you ever knowingly broken the law?
I don’t know. What’s the statute of limitations on animal rape?

What’s your favourite word?
Riboflavin. It’s an ingredient in Weetabix.

What’s your favourite joke?
A man goes into a pet shop and says, “I’d like to buy a wasp.” The owner says, “We don’t sell wasps.” The man says, “You’re a fucking liar, I saw one in the window!”

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
I think an arm. So if anyone ever came up to me and asked me that question again, I could run away!

When were you last naked outdoors?
Very recently. Minnie, my dog, barks at foxes and it’s annoying for our neighbours. I came out of the shower and she was barking and I ran into the garden to stop her. Arse pollution is better than noise pollution.

Window or aisle?
Aisle. Once you’ve seen out the window, there’s not much else to see. You want to get to the toilet. If someone’s asleep next to you, you can feel trapped. If you’re next to the aisle, you can just fuck off. But I don’t travel that way anymore. I always travel in a big glass throne in the very front of the plane! On the wing of my own plane!

What’s your earliest memory?
Going down to see Sinbad And The Eye Of The Tiger at the ABC Cinema in Gloucester. I enjoyed it very much.

What’s your favourite video-game?
I might have to say Tetris. There are games I’ve played through which I love but have never played again. Tetris, I’ve been playing since it first came out on the Game Boy and I’ve had it on every platform I’ve owned. I love it. But in terms of narrative games, I’d say Half-Life 2.

Do people ever quote your lines back at you?
All. The. Fucking. Time! “You’ve got red on you”, I get that a lot. Someone did shout, “Get off me, you bummer!” once, which is from Spaced. I think. Kids quote Ice Age back at me. It’s really funny — children’s brains are like sponges.

What’s the best thing you’ve stolen from a hotel?
My room. I gradually snuck out the contents of a hotel room and now have it in my house. And I smuggled my old bedroom back into the room. It’s got a picture of Carrie Fisher on the wall.

What’s your favourite thing about your hometown?
Gloucester. It’s a relief to get there sometimes. It’s like when you’ve been underwater a long time and you come up. “Aaaaaah.” I used to hate it when I was a teenager because it was where I was from, man, and I didn’t want to go back. But I love it now. It’s green and it’s quiet. Unless you go into town on a Saturday night and get murdered.

What’s your nickname?
Peggy. That’s what I get called most. Peggster to a lesser extent. If I could choose one, Peggster is slightly self-aggrandising. It’s a bit cool. Peggy’s nice.

What’s your screensaver?
I’ve got this amazing thing on the Apple G5, which is a mosaic that takes all your photographs and makes a mosaic of them into one photograph. It’s fucking amazing.

If you could go back in time, when would you go to and why?
To just before this interview. (Laughs)

Ever worn sunglasses indoors?
No. I can’t. Even though sometimes I’ve wanted to. I just can’t in all good conscience pull it off. Jack Nicholson is the only person who can pull it off, because he’s earned it.

The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
Beatles. They’re The Beatles. They were the first and only band, really. It’s the most extraordinary… The Rolling Stones are fantastic and are amazing musicians. There’s something mystical about The Beatles, the coming together of Lennon and McCartney, the shortness of their life and extraordinary diversity of their material. They’re just utterly, utterly brilliant. People always see The Beatles as clean-cut, but that’s not true. The Beatles were dirty as fuck.

On a scale of one to ten, how hairy is your arse?
The whole arse, or the anus area? Oh, the bumcrack? I’d say five. It’s nice, it’s neat. It’s attractive.

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