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RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 1/9/2006 6:45:16 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 16900
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich
So it's not very good then.

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Post #: 31
RE: The Wicker Man - 1/9/2006 8:20:28 PM   
Castor Troy


Posts: 7061
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Rocky's graveside
quote:

ORIGINAL: Cruisecontroller

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wilbert


quote:

ORIGINAL: Caster

I managed to get into a screening of the remake of the wicker man the other day, and have to say that i was pretty entertained by it. Being a life time horror movie fan, and having (obviously) seen the original, I was interested to see what this new school would bring to the story. From what I can see on the message boards, it looks like not many of the die-hard wicker fans are too enthused by the idea of a remake, but for the most part their fears can be put to rest (if they will allow). The remake DEFINITELY retains AND even ADDS to the the atmospheric slowly boiling sense of dread and and wonder (I.E. WHAT THE F**K!?!?), leading up to the inevitable ending which left me with a much more haunted feeling that even seeing the original for the first time.

I do have to warn you that if you are not a Nicholas Cage fan, this will not be a role to win you over- there are parts where it is painful to watch him. Everything else is relatively flawless though- if you let yourself get into the movie, you honestly feel as if you are on an isolated island where the "old ways" are still very relevant to society, something that even the original couldn't seem to do if you looked closely enough. The story is definitely fleshed out a bit, and if you're open to a new take on the story I think you'll have a great movie-going experience. I think that the important thing to remember here is that it's a movie- a brief distraction from real life whose purpose is to entertain- NOT a commentary on paganism.

This "remake" actually manages to stand on it's own as a new entry into the horror archives. Does it have its problems? of course it does, what movie doesn't? remake or not. It reminded me of the differences between the original Ringu and the Naomi Watts/ Gore Verbinski version- i think both are outstanding entries into the horror world, both offering many different things. Of course there is always the one that came first, but sometimes the "original" can be re-tooled and have new life breathed into it.

As a side-note- even if you HATE what they've done with the story/actors they chose- the cinematography is absolutely otherworldly here, with very little emphasis on special effects, and much more creative uses of natural landscapes and tricks of light.


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450345/usercomments
Caster! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I hope you've covered your tracks better if you've entered the Empire Thunderdome competition!



I thought I read that review elsewhere today. Maybe its the same person writing on two different messageboards?


The scariest thing is that he's a 'professional' reviewer!


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Post #: 32
RE: The Wicker Man - 1/9/2006 8:23:21 PM   
Castor Troy


Posts: 7061
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Rocky's graveside
This will probably the first Nic Cage film (in chronological order of release) I won't have on DVD since Leaving Las Vegas as I have no interest in seeing it.

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The individual human mind. In a child's ability to master the multiplication table, there is more holiness than all your shouted hosannas and holy holies. An idea is more important than a monument and the advancement of Man's knowledge more miraculous than all the sticks turned to snakes and the parting of the waters.

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Post #: 33
neil labute - why? - 1/9/2006 9:11:27 PM   
craigee

 

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/9/2006
hated the idea of the remake when i first heard about it, especially as it "stars" nicholas "overact or underact and nothing in between" cage, but I became curious when I heard it was being directed by Neil Labute who has, up until now, proven to be an interesting director (even if you hate his stuff it's normally thought provoking) however....

no critics were allowed to review the film before it came out (hoping for a big hitting weekend before the general concensus came in were we?) and now I know why....

This is a painfully bad film, even if you havent seen the original (and I am in no way a purist, but how many more terrible remakes can we take? I've even heard that they are remaking "the birds"! Who the hell has the temrity to think "well hitchcock did an okay job but I can do better"?)

V. Poor acting (return your oscar now Mr Cage - it was a fucking fluke and Ellen Burstyn what were you thinking)
V bad scripting and dialogue
Risible attempts at tension and terror

stick to the non-hollywood domestic brutal satire that we know (and love/hate you for) best Mr Labute

dissapointing and painful - avoid like the plague

I'm giving this one star as there isnt an option for less

Can I have my money back please?

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Post #: 34
RE:The Wicker Man - 1/9/2006 10:32:18 PM   
felix sore foot


Posts: 322
Joined: 21/7/2006
From: Renfrewshire
One can only surmise that Neil Labute took this job in order to get one of his more interesting "small" projects off the ground, which is perfectly understandable considering how difficult it is to get independent films made these days. Sure this is lousy. Hell, worse than lousy, but did anyone REALLY expect otherwise, including the film-makers and backers? If Labute comes up with something half as good as Nurse Betty as a result of being involved in this, I won,t begrudge him taking the cash for this.

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Post #: 35
Hahahaha... - 1/9/2006 11:31:32 PM   
discodave101


Posts: 1884
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Sheffield
...am I wrong for being glad that this film is so bad? All in the hope no more classic films will be ruined by hollywood? Are countless bad remakes worth the odd gem?

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Post #: 36
Oh Dear - 2/9/2006 9:39:34 AM   
pbessant

 

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: portsmouth
Will somebody tell the yanks to leave British stuff alone.
They've knackered a classic tv series (The Avengers) and now - AND I'M NOT SURPRISED AT ALL- screwed up a classic movie. LET'S FIGHT BACK!!!!
All we need is a british director to remake 'ELVIS', set it in Barnsley and let Chico be the star.
Actually that might work.

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Post #: 37
Burn, Hollywood, Burn! - 2/9/2006 12:01:23 PM   
Big Gus

 

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/9/2006
Watching this travesty in a cinema half full of bewildered teenagers, was an infuriating experience. The most painful aspect was the knowledge that many of those who go to see this film in multiplexes across the country will not have seen the brilliant original and will now forever associate The Wicker Man with this inept, pointless remake. Why the 's' in Summerisle, why the obsession with bees and why all the blockbuster shock tactics? All aspects of the beautiful original cast aside for cheap thrills. Don't even mention the tag-on ending. No stars is too good for this hatchet job.

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Post #: 38
RE: Burn, Hollywood, Burn! - 2/9/2006 12:07:40 PM   
Gav

 

Posts: 307
Joined: 1/10/2005
LOL! Well, like I say weeks ago, this film has disaster written all over it. I will watch it at some point, but probably only on DVD.

Mind you, I suspect if the original Wicker Man was released now, it would also garner its fair share of scathing reviews, IMO - Especially from American critics. In many of the reiews at Rottentmomatoes its clear its not just that the critics don't like this version of Wicker Man, they also don't lcare much for the original version - Which once again proves what a bunch of idiots most film critics are.

Myabe this remake fiasco will inspire someone to re-relase the beautiful original. It would be interesting to see how modern cinema audiances respond to it

< Message edited by Gav -- 2/9/2006 12:10:32 PM >

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Post #: 39
Way to go!! - 2/9/2006 12:45:52 PM   
wastedyuthe

 

Posts: 4
Joined: 10/3/2006
"people who haven’t seen the original know it’s the one in which Edward Woodward winds up burned to death inside a giant wicker man."
Well done Kim Newman, for completely ruining the original film for anyone reading your review who hasn't seen it yet. I love the original, but, like many who haven't seen it yet and have now read your review, I too had the ending spoiled by being told what happens at the end before I watched it.
By the sounds of this remake, typical Hollywood rears it's ugly head again and tres to take what we made, and turn it into something better. Why oh why do they bother when they know they will always fail in this task?

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Post #: 40
The Wicker Man - 2/9/2006 2:16:14 PM   
Philconcannon

 

Posts: 135
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: London
Why? That was the question on my mind as I sat down to watch The Wicker Man. Why bother remaking a film which is so well crafted and so much a product of its particular time and place? Of course, Hollywood has never shown a great deal of thought or imagination when revamping films from the past; but even so, a Hollywood version of The Wicker Man never seemed like a good idea. What could writer/director Neil Labute bring to a new version of The Wicker Man which would make its existence worthwhile?

After viewing this startlingly inept remake, I was no closer to answering those questions. The film strips away everything that made Robin Hardy's 1973 film feel so special, and what's left on screen is a ghastly mish-mash of flashbacks, red herrings, bad acting and atrocious storytelling. The film has been given a weird feminist slant which doesn't work in any way, and even when The Wicker Man comes with one of cinema's most chilling endings already as part of the package, Labute and co. still manage to screw it up.

This new take on The Wicker Man follows the original's basic story but doesn't capture any of its soul. Nicolas Cage is traffic cop Edward Malus, and the film opens with him failing to rescue a mother and daughter from a burning car (after a crazily implausible accident). The incident leaves Malus traumatised, and a traumatised Nicolas Cage is not a pretty sight. Right from the start it's quite clear that Cage has been horrendously miscast, and his attempt to act his way out of trouble is painful to watch. The actor has been on a good run of form recently, giving understated and smart performances which display his strengths; but this brash turn, full of face-pulling and fluctuating speech patterns in which he'll turn one line into an croaky drawl while belting out the next at full volume, is a horrible performance which is all wrong for the picture.

But let's get back to the plot, shall we? While taking some time off to recuperate, Malus receives a letter from a old flame who is now living on the remote island of Summersisle, begging him to come to the island and find her ten year-old daughter who has disappeared without a trace. Intrigued, Cage decides to take the plunge, but from the minute he sets foot on Summersisle it's clear he would be well advised to hop right back on that seaplane and get the hell out of there. This is one strange place, and while the original Wicker Man presented us with a community that was just a little odd, and then slowly developed the sense that something dreadful was about to happen, Labute's version tries to give us the creeps right away. It fails.

Neil Labute always seemed like an odd choice to write and direct this version of The Wicker Man, but he tries to make his presence felt by focusing on the sexual politics of Summerisle, which he does with his usual lack of subtlety. The main product on the island is honey, hence the large amount of beehives dotted around the place, and the structure of the human population also somewhat resembles that of a beehive. Sister Summerisle (Ellen Burstyn) acts as queen bee, and the society she lords it over is a matriarchal one in which men are simply mute drones, used only for manual labour and breeding. Perhaps it was the desperate desire to be seen as a fresh take on the story which inspired Labute to go down this route, but it's a major misjudgement. The island's set-up is silly and never for a moment convincing, and it leads to some unpleasant scenes later on. I know these crazy ladies are trying to kill him, but I really don't need to see Nicolas Cage karate-kicking a 23 year-old woman in the face and knocking another woman out with a punch to the temple.

A remake of The Wicker Man seems like a particularly inappropriate outlet for Labute to display his usual tiresome misogyny., and despite the island's strong female presence Labute leaves his actresses adrift without a decent character or line between them. Burstyn is second-billed after Cage, but her role is little more than an extended cameo and she can't match the dignified presence or understated menace Christopher Lee brought to his Lord Summerisle in 1973. Burstyn is also hindered by the badly CGI-d bees which provide a distracting presence during her scenes, especially when they cause a bug-eyed Cage to repeatedly slap himself in a comical fashion. Elsewhere, a coolly effective Molly Parker is probably the pick of the bunch and her scene in the classroom is one of the film's highlights; but Frances Conroy, Leelee Sobieski and Kate Beahan make little impact.

It seems Labute and Cage have completely lost sight of what made the original film such a terrific experience. Robin Hardy's The Wicker Man blended together a number of unlikely elements - religion, sex, folk music, paganism - and gave it a Hammer horror edge to create something truly unique. Edward Woodward's Sergeant Howie was a repressed, pious and officious character who pushily made his investigations round the island, experiencing a deepening sense of outrage at their godless antics but failing to see where his own path was leading; and his resistance of Britt Ekland's temptation sealed his fate. The film is a surprisingly multi-layered examination of faith, and it's this subtext which really drives it and gives the climax its powerful charge. The sight of the deeply religious Howie screaming "Oh God! Oh Jesus Christ!” when he first sees the Wicker Man is a more powerful moment than anything this remake can offer, and when Labute chooses to excise all of these elements in his new version, he's losing the film's raison d'être.

Instead, the film is utterly lacking in tension and atmosphere. Labute tries to generate a bit of drama with frequent shots of Cage jogging around the island like a man who's just missed his bus (or cycling, when it gets really exciting), and he awkwardly shoehorns a number of near-death experiences into the narrative, none of which seem particularly threatening or interesting. The story is clumsily put together, with far too many flashbacks bogging down the narrative, and Labute's constant recourse to cheap jumps and scenes in which Malus mistakenly thinks he spots the girl are insultingly rote. In fact much of The Wicker Man is so clumsy and misguided it provokes unintentional laughter. In the final half-hour Nicolas Cage resorts to running around the island with his arms flapping and eyes bulging while shouting every single line at the top of his voice; and if The Wicker Man does nothing else, then at least the sight of Cage stumbling through the woods dressed as a grizzly bear is guaranteed to brighten up your day.

But what about that ending, how can you possibly mess that up? Well, the central horror of what happens during The Wicker Man's climax is such that the recreation here can't fail to have some sort of impact, and these final moments are indeed the only scenes in the picture which seem alive, which seem to have something genuine at stake. But Labute does his best to destroy the gift finale he has been handed anyway. The sound of Cage being tortured off-screen is hilarious when it should be brutal; but after the Wicker Man had burnt to the ground and the screen had faded to black, I felt it had still retained much of its potency. However, Labute isn't quite finished yet, and we're saddled with a "six months later” coda which is senseless, stilted, badly acted and feels like something tacked on at the last minute just to soften the blow a little. It saps whatever power the climactic scenes had managed to generate, and it's just the last in a long line of terrible decisions which turn this film into a joke.

The original version of The Wicker Man is a classic, and one can only hope this new release will cause those who haven't seen it to seek it out. As for Labute's film? It's a redundant and witless travesty which only deserves one fate - let it burn.

< Message edited by Philconcannon -- 15/10/2006 6:27:14 PM >

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Post #: 41
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 2/9/2006 2:48:45 PM   
Kid A


Posts: 1494
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Newcastle.
quote:

ORIGINAL: satan666

no fuckin stars,what in the name of christ have i just watched this film is FUCKIN terrible YOU CANNOT REPAINT THE MONA LISA when o fuckin when will sillywood realise this,fuck you nic cage you are crap,oscar or not i dont care,oh my god what remake is next,BEWARE EMPIRE READERS AVOID THIS SHITE


Thats a triple heart bypass waiting to happen.

< Message edited by Kid A -- 2/9/2006 2:50:13 PM >


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Post #: 42
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 2/9/2006 3:00:39 PM   
The Todge


Posts: 588
Joined: 30/9/2005
I knew it, I just fuckin knew they would screw this up.

And from the reviews here, it seems I was right.

Ill stick with the untouchable original me thinks.

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Post #: 43
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 2/9/2006 6:41:38 PM   
Mason Verger


Posts: 4724
Joined: 13/1/2006
From: Bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri
It's not wicked, man.

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/wicker_man/



< Message edited by Mason Verger -- 2/9/2006 6:57:07 PM >


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Post #: 44
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 3/9/2006 1:09:21 PM   
Daniel Kelly


Posts: 3096
Joined: 6/4/2006
From: warkham
Is it really that bad????????

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Post #: 45
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 3/9/2006 10:15:22 PM   
Wilbert


Posts: 9511
Joined: 5/10/2005
From: Dublin: Ireland

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daniel Kelly

Is it really that bad????????


It's more totally pointless than totally shit. I've seen many films worse than this but it really isn't good. I am struggling to remember one good scene in the whole film.

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Post #: 46
A classic??? - 4/9/2006 11:38:52 AM   
vikingvampireparrot

 

Posts: 36
Joined: 1/10/2005
I'm sorry, remaking a classic????  I watched the original Wicker Man for the first time recently and it was terrible!  So I would hardly criticise the remake on these grounds!

And sexy???  The naked dancing in the original at first had me in hysterics but quickly became so excruciatingly painful to watch I had to fastfoward past it.

I have not yet seen the remake but really want to in the hope that they have made a better film with the interesting plot the original had.

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Post #: 47
RE: The Wicker Man - 4/9/2006 12:42:04 PM   
Caster


Posts: 5608
Joined: 30/9/2005
I was just trying to balance out the precedings.  Get over yourselves.  I said the review wasn't mine in Movie Musings, if you remember...

http://www.empireonline.com/forum/tm.asp?m=756890

< Message edited by Caster -- 4/9/2006 12:43:37 PM >


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Post #: 48
Re-makes - 4/9/2006 1:24:47 PM   
stevos


Posts: 165
Joined: 5/2/2006
What next- is somebody going to remake Withnail and I. Or put it on the stage with Jude Law...

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Post #: 49
RE: Re-makes - 4/9/2006 1:40:05 PM   
Monkeyshaver

 

Posts: 4734
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: La Planete Des Singe
Robin Hardy talked briefly about the new version yesterday at the special screening of the one & only The Wicker Man(1973). He seemed to be a bit diplomatic but did say they had, as expected, removed everything that, love it or loathe it, made his film such a unique & original experience. Most importantly it takes out all the music, which is such an integral part of the film not only in creating atmosphere but as a narrative device. LaBute seems to have fallen back onto his obsession of gender roles, a matriarchal society has been bolted on to The Wicker Man story in place of the pagan v christian element from original. I've only seen a few clips but it looks like Cage just shouts all the time.  As for Kim Newman's unnecessary spoiler about the original. Why was this not removed from his review before it went to print? Many people are probably only now becoming aware of The Wicker Man thanks to this remake, why spoil it for those that haven't seen it?

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Post #: 50
Wot was cage thinking? - 4/9/2006 7:04:24 PM   
Those_wedontspeak_of


Posts: 46
Joined: 10/10/2005
Was nicolas cage trying 2 turn this in2 a comedy or sumthing? He is a total prat in it and the worst thing in it for me. All he did was shouted erratically, fell over stuff + sed the stupidest things ive ever heard.

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Post #: 51
RE: Wot was cage thinking? - 4/9/2006 9:20:28 PM   
Rgirvan44


Posts: 18934
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Punishment Park
After watching this I have come to the conclusion that Labute really doesn't like woman. At all.

Christopher Lee must still be laughing his head off.

I do have to admit I did get a hearty chuckle out of  'awwww, you broke my legs!'

What a waste of time, talent and money.

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Post #: 52
RE: Wot was cage thinking? - 5/9/2006 12:42:08 AM   
boot

 

Posts: 431
Joined: 24/2/2006
Shite. only went to it cause there was nothing else on at the time i went down to the cinema. more proof of how much a waste of time, money and effort all these remakes are, when they are missing everything that makes the orginals so good. shockingly badly acted, though with the odd funny line near the beginning, for the most part the script was as woefully written as it was delivered. i thought LaBute was over his misogyny, obviously not, though the smacks dealt out to the sisters of the island did raise a chuckle in the cinema, not for their nastiness, just at how rediculous the film had gotten. the leg breaking got the biggest laugh.
it was boring and tiresome, i was just waiting for it to get to the end - where i was half expecting them to some how change the ending, just to get another laugh but they didnt.

SPOILER

one major hole was the aborting - it seemed anyways - of all the new male babies. so how did they expect to carry on procreating later on down the line.
actually this film was so rubbish its plot holes etc dont merit worth thinking about, just like the rest of it.

shame on you neil labute, you have talent, stop wasting it.

(in reply to Rgirvan44)
Post #: 53
RE: Wot was cage thinking? - 5/9/2006 2:19:28 AM   
councilskivvy


Posts: 790
Joined: 21/3/2006
Hey give Cage credit for one thing though, the money peopel wanted a heroic rise from the ashes with guns in hand and have cage go all face off on the women, but he insisted that his character dies, he was changing the whole point of the film for a happy ending version!

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Post #: 54
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 5/9/2006 1:51:46 PM   
Sumintelligentguy


Posts: 3627
Joined: 31/8/2006
I FUCKING LOVED THE FILM!! ITS WAS SOOOOO SCARY!! 5/5 DEFO!

lol i take it back, it was a load of shit, i know, i understand. i havent seen the old one yet but i plan on watching it, but i hear its bloody brilliant


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Post #: 55
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 5/9/2006 2:30:20 PM   
DJ Rob C: Mark II!


Posts: 34811
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Christmas town
I've never seen the original, and whilst this was no masterpiece, it wasn't 'THAT' bad...

Amusing enough for a hour and a half, with some chills maybe, and the ending was still spooky apart from Cage screaming about his legs (biggest laugh I've had in a cinema all year! ), it's middling but it's not completely a disaster.

2/5

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Post #: 56
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 5/9/2006 5:50:26 PM   
Sundance

 

Posts: 961
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Belfast
Well there's two and a half hours of my life I'm never getting back... Awful, awful film. Athough laughing at the unintentionally hilarious parts did distract me from concentrating on the terrible acting and dialogue. The last twenty minutes was almost lifted out of a Simpsons episode with Nicholas Cage running about randomly punching any woman within five feet of him. Just ridiculous. I really like Nicholas Cage too, hope he got paid a lot for this.

As for the spoiler in the review: I know it leaves it open as to whether the director keeps the original ending, but it still would have been better to keep that out of the review. I went to see this with five friends who had never heard of the original film so had no idea about the twist and it was the only part of the film they really liked.

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Post #: 57
RE: oh lord oh jesus christ - 6/9/2006 10:36:42 PM   
Jasper


Posts: 424
Joined: 1/10/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wilbert

It's more totally pointless than totally shit. I've seen many films worse than this but it really isn't good. I am struggling to remember one good scene in the whole film.


I thought the opening scene was okay.

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Post #: 58
RE: Re-makes - 6/9/2006 11:25:35 PM   
Jasper


Posts: 424
Joined: 1/10/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyshaver

]As for Kim Newman's unnecessary spoiler about the original. Why was this not removed from his review before it went to print? Many people are probably only now becoming aware of The Wicker Man thanks to this remake, why spoil it for those that haven't seen it?


Sometimes Empire writers deliberately cause harm to people who don't deserve it. It's a mild form of sadism, which usually strikes people who spend too much time in an office, excluded from thrills found in the outside world. These thrills may include sex, sports, parties, holidays and so on.

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Post #: 59
The Wicker Man ( Or, should i say-The Wooden Man ), in ... - 6/9/2006 11:55:06 PM   
Pink Pirate

 

Posts: 1
Joined: 6/9/2006
THE WOODEN MAN......
I read the 2006 reviews, i braced myself, and admitedly got a bit excited when i saw the huge cinema posters, of the burning Wicker Man..
I love the original film, i always have. It was one of the first and best British horror movies i have ever seen. It frightened the wits out of me as a kid. As an adult, i went to FairIsle once to do a gig ( ooh i sound talented-like a real musician ! ), and even the thought of spending the night in FairIsle scared the bejesus out of me. I remember telling my best friend i'd phone him to let him know how the gig went, if my fingers weren't too burnt....
You see, it's a film that has lived with me, and even the sight of a roughly made animal mask, sends shivers down my police uniform.

But i digress, it's 2006 and they have re-made one of my favourite films. I look forward to it because, Nicholas Cage is said to be a HUGE fan of the original, and it's british counterparts. I must admit to being slightly put off by the fact that it's to be set in America, and without the infamous Summerisle apples.
You don't have to look too far to understand the symbolism of the apple, and i don't feel it works to well with a honey replacement. Still, they get to link it with the SummerSisle ( "SUMMERSISLE" ?) queen bee, and the insipid use of the endearment 'Honey' to his estranged daughter. If some creepy little kid was about to burn me to death as a sacrifice, i don't think i'd be using that particular endearment.
So, here we have the salad eating, caring highway policeman. He spends his day giving out parking tickets, and fetching dollies for over indulged, and over acting brats.
I'm sitting in the cinema, trying not to let on that i hate it already. I adjust my position, scrabble with the shared popcorn and view on..
It's getting worse, he's blagged his way onto the island and is met by three strange women, with a burning ( geddit ? ) desire to quote Shakespeare's Macbeth at any moment. They shoogle t

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