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Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of Film Thickos

 
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Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of Fil... - 21/3/2006 10:24:56 AM   
Companero


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: London Violenta, UK
After a little bit of Banter on the John Carpenter thread, Stuartbannerman and I thought it high time to devote an entire thread to the Film ThickoTM  - Having worked in videostore during the 90s, I've got tonnes of stories, like the one where the middle-aged lady asked if I had "Alien Erection" (when she clearly meant the fourth film in a certain Sigourney Weaver franchise) or the scores of thick, Chav-like customers that insisted in asking for Cliffhanger by it's tagline ("Is 'Hang On' in yet, mate?").
 
Maybe you were the otherside of the counter when a till jockey made a glaring boob? Now's your chance to tell all

< Message edited by Companero -- 21/3/2006 10:36:35 AM >
Post #: 1
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:37:27 AM   
James2183


Posts: 10544
Joined: 30/9/2005
Ah the good old days.

I lost count the amount of times I was asked to suggest a film to someone where I then recommended a foriegn one. They liked the story idea but the moment I say its subtitled they don't want to know.

You also get the people coming in asking for the latest cinematic release. I think it was Ali that got asked the most for when I was working in a video shop.


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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:42:17 AM   
stuartbannerman


Posts: 1088
Joined: 30/9/2005
I recommended a decent film to someone (cant recall the film) but the reply was
'Im not going to watch a black and white film, ive got a colour TV licence'

Or the dumb idiot that i managed to convince that Apollo 13 was in fact the 13th film in the series..

Or the guy who complaned my VHS was faulty because Schindlers List was playing in Black and White.

I could go on and you know what? I might just do that.....

< Message edited by stuartbannerman -- 21/3/2006 10:44:24 AM >


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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:45:10 AM   
Spiderwoman


Posts: 562
Joined: 6/1/2006
From: Under the stars
Loads of people (mostly family) who didn't understand the Matrix.

And a comment made after American Beauty "did he die then?"

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:47:45 AM   
stuartbannerman


Posts: 1088
Joined: 30/9/2005
'Blair Witch project is shit, it looks like it was filmed on Camcorders'


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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:48:08 AM   
Companero


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: London Violenta, UK
I had a guy return Blade Runner: The Director's Cut siting the copy in question as faulty. When asked him to elaborate on the fault, he replied: "it's got big black bars at the top and bottom of the picture."
 
I explained the widescreen process and was met with a blank look. I finally resorted to drawing a diagram, mentioning that the shaded eareas of the widescreen framing would be lost fullscreen. He nodded in acknowledgement and retorted: "I prefer fullscreen. You get more picture, init. I've got a 29" telly and I want to fill the screen."


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Post #: 6
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:50:13 AM   
Nexus


Posts: 273
Joined: 30/9/2005
On the last day of school, one of the teachers let us watch Gremlins. Halfway through the film, someone said, "this film is shit, it was made when everyone had black-and-white TVs!"...because the characters in the film watched classic black-and-white movies on TV.

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Post #: 7
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:54:18 AM   
stuartbannerman


Posts: 1088
Joined: 30/9/2005
ahh the old 'widescreen sucks because it has less picture' scenario, i remember it well.
I remember someone buying a retail copy from my shop and returning it the other day because it wouldnt work in his machine.....

I removed the cellophane from the cassette and returned it to the customer.



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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 10:55:09 AM   
Companero


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: London Violenta, UK
Not long after being released, a customer returned their copy of Billy Bathgate and mentioned that there were two points in the film where the picture suffered from terrible “interference”. I gave the customer a credit and waited for the shop to empty so that I could check the damaged tape. Sure enough, the picture rolled and appeared to jump several minutes at two points in the film. Upon inspecting the tape itself, I discovered that it had been spliced with selotape.
 I grabbed another copy and checked the two passages in question. Low and behold, there was footage missing and in both scenes, Nicole Kidman appeared full frontal. The person that had rented the film prior to the one that had complained had snipped out the two scenes for his own, repeated viewing “pleasure…”

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Post #: 9
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:00:06 AM   
stuartbannerman


Posts: 1088
Joined: 30/9/2005
I once had a customer return a VHS in its box and when i opened it....i was flooded with a fair bit of coffee (liquid, not coffee grounds)
He had stored the VHS in his lunch bag and not realised that his coffee had leaked into my VHS.


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Post #: 10
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:03:22 AM   
Companero


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: London Violenta, UK
One of the weirdest customers was a bus driver that used to rent soft porn. It was hilarious. He would park his bus full of customers outside the shop, run in and get a film and jump back on his chariot and drive off. He would also do the same when he returned it. If only those old grannies sat staring out of the windows knew

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Post #: 11
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:05:09 AM   
HIGHLANDER


Posts: 1262
Joined: 30/9/2005
Ooooooh, i've got loads of these. I work in ODEON call centre where i get stupid customers everye shift.
I had this one about 2 weeks ago,
Customer:"What time is Ice Age 2 on at Guildford Odeon mate?"
Me: "It isn't out until 31st March"
Customer: "No, i saw adverts on the telly"
Me: "Yes but the release date is 31st March"
Customer: "But why isn't it on now"
Me: BECAUSE IT'S NOT OUT YET IDIOT. DID YOU READ THE PART ON THE ADVERT WHERE IT SAID COMING SOON YOU FUCKING NIMROD!
 
Well my response wasn't exactly like that but i was sure thinking it.
 
Another one i had just last week about the new horror film directed by Quentin Tarintino. I told him there isn't one out at the moment. It's called Grind House and is schedueled to be released at the end of the year.
I found out eventually he was on about hostel but clearly he didn't read it on the advert "Presented by Quentin Tarintino, Directed and produced by Eli Roth.

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Post #: 12
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:07:25 AM   
Companero


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: London Violenta, UK
quote:

ORIGINAL: HIGHLANDER


Another one i had just last week about the new horror film directed by Quentin Tarintino. I told him there isn't one out at the moment. It's called Grind House and is schedueled to be released at the end of the year.
I found out eventually he was on about hostel but clearly he didn't read it on the advert "Presented by Quentin Tarintino, Directed and produced by Eli Roth.


Yep, similar requests were made for Killing Zoe back in the day "You got the new Tarantino film, mate?" Bless.
 
 

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Post #: 13
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:10:34 AM   
Jessica_ca_ca_ca


Posts: 30072
Joined: 4/1/2006
Ok, one for the customers - - I went in to rent 'A Japanese Story', but when I asked the kid behind the counter for it, he responded: "I'm sorry, ma'am, this is a film store, we don't have any books." Then when I mentioned it was actually a film starring Toni Collette, he said, "Ohhh... I forgot Japan had a story."

He wasn't even joking  I think he was high on something, come to think of it.

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Post #: 14
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:21:07 AM   
stuartbannerman


Posts: 1088
Joined: 30/9/2005
I had someone who watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (when it was a new film and had just been released) and upon return the woman asked to reserve the 3rd film (Prisoner of Azkaban) for the following Saturday (wayyyy before they even wrote the script im guessing)


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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:21:15 AM   
Neth


Posts: 4750
Joined: 3/10/2005
In my early teens, I used to work a weekend job at a local video emporium - one of those Calor gas-smelling places with one copy of every film and enough top-shelf grott to make Heff blush.

On one occassion, an respectable looking lady in her sixties rented The Church, and returned it the same afternoon almost in tears. She had rented it on the basis she thought it was about the restoration of an actual church, based purely on the title. She hadn't twigged - by the writhing naked bodies on the cover or the large 18 certificate or by actually reading the back - that it was a Dario Argento-produced horror.

Two boys in the year below me once tried to rent Predator 2 (they were about thirteen) and I refused them about three times in an afternoon. They came back in that evening with one of their older brothers (who still wasn't eighteen), so I slipped a copy of Ferngully into one of the 18-stickered rental boxes and gave them that. Sadly, I wasn't working when they returned it.

One shithead actually returned the pirate copy he'd made of Dave in the rental box. So I called him up and he denied it, despite me having the TDK-labelled cassette with "Dave" badly scrawled on the front of it in my hand. His wife came in the next day and returned the real copy, saying they must have made a mix up. The cheeky bitch asked for their pirate back. Suffice, she didn't receive it, because I'd used it to record Match Of The Day the previous night.

As well as these, I too had several complaints about "widescreen movies being faulty" and "the film isn't in English so I can't watch it... No, I don't want to read the words while I'm trying to look at it."


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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:23:40 AM   
dori


Posts: 502
Joined: 3/2/2006
I convinced this idiot once that they were making a sequel to 'Seven'. I told him it was going to be called 'Eight' !



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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:24:57 AM   
stuartbannerman


Posts: 1088
Joined: 30/9/2005
I had a similar problem with some bible basher renting the church   (these memories are flooding back)
I also had a woman that went mad at me because The Secret life of jeffrey dahmer was violent and sick and would make a point of turning the box around every single time she came in.   I made the point of turning the box the correct way around in plain sight of her - every single time she did her party trick.

I gave up running a video store when i felt myself turning into Basil Fawlty

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:31:26 AM   
Castor Troy


Posts: 7076
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Rocky's graveside
Apart from the usual asking for films that aren't out in the cinema yet, or getting the name wrong (Breakheart Mountain), there was this one woman returning House Of Flying Daggers because it 'wasn't in English'. I said; 'yeah, it's subtitled'. She said; 'but my kids can't watch it' (they were about 13 so I don't see why they can't read). After exchanging it for her I then realised it was a 15 anyway!

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:36:03 AM   
Companero


Posts: 626
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: London Violenta, UK
The company I worked for opened a new store in East Dulwich. All was well. At the tail end of 1997, when the store opened, I had done several eye-catching window displays, one of them was for the Peter Hyams horror films, The Relic.
 
A couple of days later, a colleague of mine was working the late shift when a woman and her daughter approached the counter looking perplexed, to say the least. The older woman was horrified that a company as professional as our was displaying advertising material for The Relic in plain sight of children and that her grandchild had become traumatised after seein it.
 
Mt colleague explained that the posters and sleeves were standard across the industry and if she were to go anywhere, she’d find the same – including the next largest town, Peckham. “That’s exactly why we don’t go to Peckham, she added”.
 
Not one to pander to censorious do-gooders, as soon as my colleague had relayed the story, I was back in the window bays doing displays for Scream and Anaconda.

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 11:51:26 AM   
MOTH

 

Posts: 3479
Joined: 3/10/2005
From: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
I was browsing my local video store a coupla years back, when a bloke rushed in and demanded that the video guy give him the new James Bond film - the one with the word 'Day' in it.

The clerk said that would probably be Die Another Day and directed the man to the right shelf. The man rushed over to the shelf and then came back saying it wasn't the right one - he'd seen that.

Understandably the clerk seemed a little puzzled and asked if he meant The World is Not Enough or Tomorrow Never Dies. "No, no"  the man said " it has the word Day in it".

So both he and the puzzled clerk starting looking through the shelves for inspiration whilst I stood racking my brains for the Bond film he meant. After a few minutes of inane babble from the man he let slip that he thought it had some sort of ice storm in it.
Whereupon the incredulous video clerk slowly asked " Are you sure you don't mean The Day After Tomorrow?"
"That's it!!" exclaimed the man "have you got it?"

And the admirably restrained clerk said "No, it's still on in the cinema and it's not actually a Bond film"
"oh" said the man "well i'll not be bothering with that then" and walked out.

Moron.

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 1:45:23 PM   
ScottiE


Posts: 811
Joined: 27/1/2006
From: The Middle of Nowhere!
I work in  custmer service for a large cable company,. I have had occasions where the deadbeat twats out there have phoned me up. Req for refunds on pay per view movies. for the simple reason that they did not enjoy the film.Some conplained that they did not understand 12 Monkeys,
also so dick requsted a refund because he fell asleep while watchiing his pay per view film. I gave him no refund for being a dick

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Post #: 22
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 2:41:52 PM   
jobloffski

 

Posts: 1896
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: elsewhere
Mullholland doctor? What's Mulholland Doctor?

A moron I overheard near a display for Mullholland Dr.

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 2:44:50 PM   
Skiba


Posts: 4402
Joined: 24/11/2005
From: London
This is why video store workers get a bad name!  This thread is a typical 'I know more about films than you which means you're thick as shit' 

I think you've been a bit harsh on some people here...not everyone is a film expert and have no idea of release dates, Directors/Producers etc...they just want a couple of hours of entertainment

You just need to remember that people in general are stupid but just because you know more about films than they do doesn't mean they are

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RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 2:56:19 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24509
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: Skiba

This is why video store workers get a bad name!  This thread is a typical 'I know more about films than you which means you're thick as shit' 

I think you've been a bit harsh on some people here...not everyone is a film expert and have no idea of release dates, Directors/Producers etc...they just want a couple of hours of entertainment

You just need to remember that people in general are stupid but just because you know more about films than they do doesn't mean they are


yeah i thought that. some of the people are idiots, but sometimes its just they aren't as into films as you are. The whole idea of putting Tarintino Presents on the top of a poster is so that average-people think the latest flick is a QT flick and it gets them in the cinema.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 25
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 2:59:27 PM   
tbird


Posts: 4118
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: the cupboard under the stairs
Working at Odeon for two years while at uni led me to hear many idiotic statements from customers.

The amount of complaints I had from people moaning that "Brotherhood of the Wolf" and "Crouching Tiger" being "bloody foreign" was unbelievable. We had to put up signs on the doors on the way into the screen that read: "Please Note - This film is in a foreign language with subtitles" so that they could change their mind before they sat down if they wanted to.
And they'd always ask "Why can't you show it dubbed?" Er, becuase that would suck and be an insult to the country that made it maybe?



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Post #: 26
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 3:03:35 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24509
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: tbird

Working at Odeon for two years while at uni led me to hear many idiotic statements from customers.

The amount of complaints I had from people moaning that "Brotherhood of the Wolf" and "Crouching Tiger" being "bloody foreign" was unbelievable. We had to put up signs on the doors on the way into the screen that read: "Please Note - This film is in a foreign language with subtitles" so that they could change their mind before they sat down if they wanted to.
And they'd always ask "Why can't you show it dubbed?" Er, becuase that would suck and be an insult to the country that made it maybe?





dubbing is terrible, but yeah most people prefer it. but its thier loss really.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 27
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 3:05:07 PM   
logboy

 

Posts: 332
Joined: 17/10/2005
the 'widescreen' issue has to be a major issue for me, i can remember buying special edition VHS tapes in widescreen and finding them damn hard to track down, and expensive to buy. in recent years, when DVDs suddenly became something to be seen to be buying (rather that just another format from which to watch film from - i know, better in every way, but films is the issue) that someone i would have the displeasure of spending time around said they intentionally bought only fullscreen DVDS - the conversation clearly showed they didnt understand the basic concepts behind film formats, picture quality, TV ratios and basically the compromise needed to watch a film in widescreen. they mentioned they found the black bars distracting - well, if you find them distracting, the films you watch must be drivel : why arent you distracted by the wallpaper behind the TV?

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Post #: 28
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 3:06:18 PM   
goldleader


Posts: 969
Joined: 30/9/2005
I work as a computer tech at a college and the best one we ever had was we took a new PC to a member of staff.  It was installed on their desk and was all sat there wait for them to use.  And the first thing that the women said was "How do i use it then".  Well we are not teachers.  So i said point the mouse on Start so the women picked the mouse up in her hand, as me and one of the other techs looked at each other as if to say what the hell is she doing, and started pointed the actual mouse at the screen as if that was going to make things work.  It was very hard not to laugh.  Upon leaving the office it was decided, between me and the other tech, that the PC should be put back in the box and sent back to Dell because the women was far to stupid to have a computer.  Of course it wasnt sent back it was leaft to collect dust over a 2 year period before she left and someone new started to use it.

< Message edited by goldleader -- 21/3/2006 3:09:31 PM >

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Post #: 29
RE: Stupid Is As Stupid Does... Welcome To The World Of... - 21/3/2006 3:10:10 PM   
jobloffski

 

Posts: 1896
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: elsewhere
quote:

ORIGINAL: Skiba

This is why video store workers get a bad name!  This thread is a typical 'I know more about films than you which means you're thick as shit' 

I think you've been a bit harsh on some people here...not everyone is a film expert and have no idea of release dates, Directors/Producers etc...they just want a couple of hours of entertainment

You just need to remember that people in general are stupid but just because you know more about films than they do doesn't mean they are


Everyone is 'stupid' about one subject or another, regardless of whether they're actually thick in general. And most people, if they're willing to admit it, have chuckled over hearing comments from people who aren't totally clued up on what they're talking about. And it cuts both ways, for instance, I once thought the lead singer of A-ha was called Horton Market, cos I misheard it and felt a right twat when commenting on the stupid name and getting laughed at.

We've all done it, and most of ushave laughed at other people for doing it. It's harmless fun, not 'I'm better than people who don't know what I know' generally, though of course, there'll be some people who get a kick of genuine superiority out of it, but those people are just sad

< Message edited by jobloffski -- 21/3/2006 3:11:11 PM >

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Post #: 30
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