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RE: Emotional Affairs - 24/6/2013 7:40:59 PM   
steffols


Posts: 7689
Joined: 3/10/2005
From: Jungleland

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

I would say something but apparently nobody would be able to tell if I was being serious or not.

(insert emoticon here)


Very witty. I was only pointing something out Shift, theres no need to get catty.

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Post #: 61
RE: Emotional Affairs - 24/6/2013 7:48:34 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8276
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kpYm-6nuE

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Post #: 62
RE: Emotional Affairs - 24/6/2013 7:54:39 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots
quote:

ORIGINAL: steffols


quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

I would say something but apparently nobody would be able to tell if I was being serious or not.

(insert emoticon here)


Very witty. I was only pointing something out Shift, theres no need to get catty.


I wasn't, just messing around

< Message edited by Shifty Bench -- 24/6/2013 8:11:17 PM >


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Post #: 63
RE: Emotional Affairs - 25/6/2013 10:22:51 AM   
Dannybohy


Posts: 1374
Joined: 7/1/2009
"The person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say 'No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship,' the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends." ~ Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally

its in the movies so it must be true!.

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Post #: 64
RE: Emotional Affairs - 25/6/2013 12:16:24 PM   
horribleives

 

Posts: 5067
Joined: 12/6/2009
From: The North

quote:

ORIGINAL: rawlinson


quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b




Lucy Davis. So pretty. So lucky as well, imagine if she got her father's looks.


Could be worse, she could've got his sense of humour.

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Post #: 65
RE: Emotional Affairs - 25/6/2013 7:08:46 PM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005
I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8

(in reply to horribleives)
Post #: 66
RE: Emotional Affairs - 25/6/2013 7:21:05 PM   
Olaf


Posts: 23703
Joined: 26/2/2007
From: 41N 93W

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8


You got friendzoned mate, deal with it.

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Post #: 67
RE: Emotional Affairs - 26/6/2013 9:54:03 PM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005
Friendzoned would be nice. There wouldn't be any need to go cold turkey on her.

(in reply to Olaf)
Post #: 68
RE: Emotional Affairs - 26/6/2013 10:06:38 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Still don't understand.

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Post #: 69
RE: Emotional Affairs - 27/6/2013 7:55:42 PM   
Valanya


Posts: 1424
Joined: 30/9/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8


You got friendzoned mate, deal with it.


I really, really hate the term 'friendzoned'.

That is all.

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Post #: 70
RE: Emotional Affairs - 28/6/2013 1:16:33 AM   
Olaf


Posts: 23703
Joined: 26/2/2007
From: 41N 93W

quote:

ORIGINAL: Valanya


quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8


You got friendzoned mate, deal with it.


I really, really hate the term 'friendzoned'.

That is all.


I actually agree, I was just being delightfully flippant. About 98% of 'friendzones' are constructed by the jilted party in order to construct a falsely empowering narrative for themselves when really the jilter's(?) really just not interested in a specific way. The mythical 'emotional affair' depicted in the above videos is incidentally an attempt to do the exact same thing.

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Post #: 71
RE: Emotional Affairs - 28/6/2013 12:04:24 PM   
Valanya


Posts: 1424
Joined: 30/9/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Valanya


quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8


You got friendzoned mate, deal with it.


I really, really hate the term 'friendzoned'.

That is all.


I actually agree, I was just being delightfully flippant. About 98% of 'friendzones' are constructed by the jilted party in order to construct a falsely empowering narrative for themselves when really the jilter's(?) really just not interested in a specific way. The mythical 'emotional affair' depicted in the above videos is incidentally an attempt to do the exact same thing.


Don't worry, I didn't think you were being serious I think the men on this forum have a little bit more taste than that.

Well, for the mostpart.

Well, some of them do.



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Post #: 72
RE: Emotional Affairs - 2/7/2013 8:21:42 AM   
MovieAddict247


Posts: 3751
Joined: 5/6/2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: Valanya


quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8


You got friendzoned mate, deal with it.


I really, really hate the term 'friendzoned'.

That is all.


I concur.

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Post #: 73
RE: Emotional Affairs - 2/7/2013 11:00:38 AM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Valanya


quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

I think these videos explain the situations well in a few minutes.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFepIUJCJ7c

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6o3lcO2NR8


You got friendzoned mate, deal with it.


I really, really hate the term 'friendzoned'.

That is all.


I actually agree, I was just being delightfully flippant. About 98% of 'friendzones' are constructed by the jilted party in order to construct a falsely empowering narrative for themselves when really the jilter's(?) really just not interested in a specific way. The mythical 'emotional affair' depicted in the above videos is incidentally an attempt to do the exact same thing.



A very interesting theory and most likely true in a lot of situations. However surely it's not impossible for friends to fall for each while in a commited relationship/s. However it's interesting to hear people questioning what are emotional affairs and do they exists? In my situation I don't think the friend/cheater believes she wasn't doing anything wrong. The result is a destroyed friendship and a lack of trusts.

(in reply to Olaf)
Post #: 74
RE: Emotional Affairs - 2/7/2013 1:08:38 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee
Watch out you don't get her emotionally pregnant. Stay safe.

(in reply to steffols)
Post #: 75
RE: Emotional Affairs - 2/7/2013 1:10:58 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14562
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.


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quote:

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Post #: 76
RE: Emotional Affairs - 2/7/2013 1:20:36 PM   
clownfoot


Posts: 7919
Joined: 26/9/2005
From: The ickle town of Fuck, Austria

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Still don't understand.


Yeah, to paraphase Ugly Kid Joe is this some kind of young people/hipster shit that old people don't get?

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Post #: 77
RE: Emotional Affairs - 2/7/2013 1:59:31 PM   
Olaf


Posts: 23703
Joined: 26/2/2007
From: 41N 93W

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

A very interesting theory and most likely true in a lot of situations. However surely it's not impossible for friends to fall for each while in a commited relationship/s. However it's interesting to hear people questioning what are emotional affairs and do they exists? In my situation I don't think the friend/cheater believes she wasn't doing anything wrong. The result is a destroyed friendship and a lack of trusts.


People will certainly 'fall' for other people while in relationships, and it's very common practice - if anything, I'd say most people in relationships will notice someone more attractive than their significant other at some point - but basic logic would dictate that it's not infidelity if they choose not to pursue it. Choosing to not pursue the other person is actually an active assertion of fidelity to the existing partner, but your vision of the emotional affair would seek to void that agency in order to falsely empower yourself, having misread the original situation. There's an inherent sense of entitlement in what you describe - this woman likes you but is not 'putting out', so she must be emotionally abusing you and destroying your trust. (this is where the comparison to the friendzone comes in, because it's built on a similar sense of entitlement).

I don't doubt that something like an 'attempted affair' can happen (ie someone looks to cheat on their partner with someone, that third party isn't interested, etc). But the fact that you class this as an 'emotional affair' instead of an actual affair would suggest to me that your friend didn't actually do anything wrong, beyond perhaps being a naturally flirty person or something (if even that, the details are fuzzy). If the situation was flipped - ie someone likes you more than you like them and they misinterpreted your interactions with them - that doesn't sound like something you deserve to take the blame for.

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Post #: 78
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 12:41:20 PM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Olaf



I don't doubt that something like an 'attempted affair' can happen (ie someone looks to cheat on their partner with someone, that third party isn't interested, etc). But the fact that you class this as an 'emotional affair' instead of an actual affair would suggest to me that your friend didn't actually do anything wrong, beyond perhaps being a naturally flirty person or something (if even that, the details are fuzzy). If the situation was flipped - ie someone likes you more than you like them and they misinterpreted your interactions with them - that doesn't sound like something you deserve to take the blame for.


I do understand what you are saying but my situation appears to be different. I know I haven't been fourthcoming with my personal information and I would like to keep it that way. However a co-worker did say to me he thought there was chemistry between me and my friend. He even went further and said he said he thought we having sex behind her boyfriend back. Now this conversation took place before things became really intense and now I'm regretting not crossing my line.
A few months ago I went on a relationship forum and put forward my problems. Some of the posters weren't helpful and saying just ignore her. However others who read my situation and did agree there was something going on and she is attached to me. One poster said I may of fell in love with her and another said she may of fell in love with me.

Sadly the situation has got more complicated.


Her boyfriend has a 16 year old daughter?

Her boyfriend is older than I thought and must be in his forties. So I'm originally right I thought he was her dad and she was interested in me.

Late thirty man or older hitting on her when she was 18

When they split, he threatened to sell their dog.

They got their own place now and make it worst at that time she tried to become friends with me again.

When they were thinking of getting their own place together is when things became really intense for us.

Right now I'm emotionally torn to pieces and maybe it was a mistake not going for it. If only I had snopped around her earlier and gather the information. If only I had accepted her invites to spend time with each other outside work.

(in reply to Olaf)
Post #: 79
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 12:52:23 PM   
elab49


Posts: 54597
Joined: 1/10/2005
I'm not sure any of that suggests anything really, other than you're pretty obsessed with her.

Workmates are irrelevant - idiots say that about any male/female friendships. I got it all the time a couple of jobs ago as my closest friend (in and out of work, but met and clicked with at work) was male. But thickheads can't get that through their skulls.

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Post #: 80
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 1:33:09 PM   
rick_7


Posts: 6151
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: The internet
I haven't been in Off Topic for a while. No idea what's going on. It seems a bit like the film Friends with Benefits, except everyone is crying.

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Post #: 81
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 4:05:22 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee

quote:

ORIGINAL: rick_7

I haven't been in Off Topic for a while. No idea what's going on. It seems a bit like the film Friends with Benefits, except everyone is crying.


It's probably like that but without the sex. I think.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah

If only I had snopped around her earlier and gather the information.


Yup. Every good relationship starts with covert surveillance and going through their bins for old letters.

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Post #: 82
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 4:27:59 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18239
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief



Yup. Every good relationship starts with covert surveillance and going through their bins for old letters.



Mine do. That and long lens photos.

Disclaimer: Sanchia has not in fact ever been a stalker.

< Message edited by sanchia -- 3/7/2013 4:29:14 PM >


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Post #: 83
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 4:33:24 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia

Disclaimer: Sanchia has not in fact ever been a stalker.


That's exactly what a pro stalker would say.

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Post #: 84
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 4:34:04 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia
Mine do. That and long lens photos.


In fact, you could say you're having a long distance relationship.

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Post #: 85
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 4:53:22 PM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: elab49

I'm not sure any of that suggests anything really, other than you're pretty obsessed with her.





That's correct and it's a problem I need to overcome.

The co worker I had mention earlier is a very good friend of mine and we knew each other for many years. He was fully aware of the confusion I was facing. Most of the time he was actually winding me up . However like I said he believe there is something going on with me and my friend.

Her boyfriend has suspicions about us. Not hard to imagine why because she used to say hello to me when she was acompanied by him. However this stopped and all I get is secret looks from her. According to her she doesn't have time to say hello, except when he isn't next to her.

End of the day I don't need this shit. The best thing to do is aviod her and stop all contact with her. Just how does some parents allow their 18 year old daughters allow a late thirty plus man with children to fuck her all the time?

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Post #: 86
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 5:04:23 PM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief




Yup. Every good relationship starts with covert surveillance and going through their bins for old letters.



Yes trust and happiness doesn't work when there is 40+ year old bloke and multiple children.

(in reply to Chief)
Post #: 87
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 5:51:46 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8276
Joined: 31/7/2008

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah
Just how does some parents allow their 18 year old daughters allow a late thirty plus man with children to fuck her all the time?


Er, I'm not sure that's what you need to focus on. For a start, they may not have known about it. Second, it's not in any way illegal; in fact it's not even all that uncommon (although I'd feel a bit weird about it - honestly, what the fuck would I have in common with an 18-year-old?). A mate of mine is nearly 40 and his girlfriend is 22 - does that make him a bad guy? Thirdly, 18-year-olds have a habit of doing what they want no matter what their parents may think. Fourthly, the fact he has kids is completely irrelevant.

quote:

End of the day I don't need this shit. The best thing to do is aviod her and stop all contact with her


Exactly. It's obvious she doesn't feel the same way, though maybe likes the attention a bit. Neither are good for you, and not particularly conducive to a healthy friendship either.

Basically: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edh2QvtX8ss

(in reply to Ghidorah)
Post #: 88
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 6:44:42 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18239
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich
The neighbour of a friend of mine had his 16 year old daughter date a 38 year old man and ended up pregnant by him. unsavory yes, illegal no (he wasn't her teacher etc. just some creep who hanged around with girls who were not even the age of majority). this is something which happens. Look at a lot of film stars who either date or marry women a lot younger (Clint Eastwood has a wife who was 31 when they married he was 56, George Clooney often dates women more than 20 years his junior, 51 year old Doug Hutchinson of Green mile fame married 16 year old Courtney Stodden in 2011). I myself briefly dated a 24 year old when I was 36.

At the end of the day Ghidorah this whole thing seems to be causing you a lot of pain and emotional distress and you need to find some way to deal with it because it is not going to get better if you hang onto that pain and keep poking at it to keep it raw. An easy thing to say I know but you appear to be suffering because of it and that is not a good thing.

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Post #: 89
RE: Emotional Affairs - 3/7/2013 6:48:51 PM   
Ghidorah

 

Posts: 2924
Joined: 6/10/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ghidorah
Just how does some parents allow their 18 year old daughters allow a late thirty plus man with children to fuck her all the time?


Er, I'm not sure that's what you need to focus on. For a start, they may not have known about it. Second, it's not in any way illegal; in fact it's not even all that uncommon (although I'd feel a bit weird about it - honestly, what the fuck would I have in common with an 18-year-old?). A mate of mine is nearly 40 and his girlfriend is 22 - does that make him a bad guy? Thirdly, 18-year-olds have a habit of doing what they want no matter what their parents may think. Fourthly, the fact he has kids is completely irrelevant.

quote:

End of the day I don't need this shit. The best thing to do is aviod her and stop all contact with her


Exactly. It's obvious she doesn't feel the same way, though maybe likes the attention a bit. Neither are good for you, and not particularly conducive to a healthy friendship either.

Basically: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edh2QvtX8ss



The problem is she made moves on me after the 40 year old started fucking her. We became friends, we clicked and got on very well. She wants me around STILL.

(in reply to superdan)
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