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Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About

 
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Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 1:44:52 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20120
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
1. "My Bat Is Yellow" (Fridrik Devnt, 1968) - Brilliant Finnish film about a man's obsession with tyres.

2. "Welkom" (Daniel Fargargender, 1957) - Troubling tale of a family of serial rapists. And their dog.

3. "Jesus and the Wensleydale Contingency" (Philip Deakin [disowned], 1974) - Frankly obscene film which defies any explanation.

4. "Dans Mort" (Piérre Ferat, 1943) - Early French noir which focuses on a malformed dwarf solving crimes with the help of an overweight albino. Ahead of its time.

5. "Cairo, Ahoy!" (Selwyn Smythe, 1969) - a cash in on the success of the Carry On! films, but which actually manages to be witty. Hasn't aged a day.

Anyone found any more lost treasures that even rawlinson doesn't know about?

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Post #: 1
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 1:56:27 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.


They all sound magnificent.

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 2
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 1:57:26 PM   
elab49


Posts: 54623
Joined: 1/10/2005
How did you find a dwarf film that Rawlinson hasn't seen 

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation] LIKE AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS TOO. IT MADE ME LAUGH A LOT AND THOUGHT IT WAS WITTY. ALSO I FEEL SLOWLY DYING INSIDE. I KEEP AGREEING WITH ELAB.


Annual Poll 2013 - All Lists Welcome

(in reply to rawlinson)
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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:01:09 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20120
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
Amazing what you find when you're bored on lunch at work...

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:06:33 PM   
garvielloken


Posts: 1189
Joined: 23/10/2011
When I first read the post I got all excited and went looking for Dans Mort on dvd. Damn you Homer!

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:08:02 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.


I'm beginning to suspect I have something of a reputation.

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Post #: 6
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:08:43 PM   
Rebenectomy


Posts: 5629
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From: 10-0-11-0-0 by 0-2
I think when I nominated War of the Buttons in the HOF rawlinson hadn't seen it at that point. Am I right?

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:27:53 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.
Yeah, it was all sounding vaguely familiar, but watching it didn't bring back any memories.

Although Homer did ask for treasures, I'm not sure Buttons counts.

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:32:46 PM   
Rebenectomy


Posts: 5629
Joined: 20/1/2008
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Cock off

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:37:27 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20120
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield

quote:

ORIGINAL: garvielloken

When I first read the post I got all excited and went looking for Dans Mort on dvd. Damn you Homer!


Haha, I wondered if anyone would IMDb any of the titles...

And as if Jesus and the Wensleydale Contingency doesn't sound like the best thing ever!



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That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


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Post #: 10
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:46:57 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.
I found a website recently that had invented a bunch of exploitation films and given them full reviews. I'll never truly feel happy knowing that I won't ever get to see Deadly Fist of the Hedgehog.

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 11
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:52:17 PM   
garvielloken


Posts: 1189
Joined: 23/10/2011

quote:

ORIGINAL: rawlinson

I found a website recently that had invented a bunch of exploitation films and given them full reviews. I'll never truly feel happy knowing that I won't ever get to see Deadly Fist of the Hedgehog.




Do you have a link by any chance? I'm at work and bored out of my mind.



_____________________________

Exactly six miles north of Skagg Mountain in the Valley of Pain, there lives an evil devilmonster. His name is Bingo Gas Station Motel Cheeseburger With A Side Of Aircraft Noise And You'll Be Gary Indiana.

Razzle them, dazzle them. Razzle dazzle them.



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Post #: 12
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 2:54:51 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.
http://theexploitationproject.wordpress.com/

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Post #: 13
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 3:03:06 PM   
garvielloken


Posts: 1189
Joined: 23/10/2011
Cheers.

Just looking through some of the titles is hilarious. Someone needs to make Schizofrantic Kung Fu asap.

_____________________________

Exactly six miles north of Skagg Mountain in the Valley of Pain, there lives an evil devilmonster. His name is Bingo Gas Station Motel Cheeseburger With A Side Of Aircraft Noise And You'll Be Gary Indiana.

Razzle them, dazzle them. Razzle dazzle them.



(in reply to rawlinson)
Post #: 14
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 5:07:42 PM   
rawlinson

 

Posts: 45002
Joined: 13/6/2008
From: Timbuktu. Chinese or Fictional.
Someone needs to fund these films.
Post #: 15
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 5:39:25 PM   
Gimli The Dwarf


Posts: 78034
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Central Park Zoo

quote:

ORIGINAL: homersimpson_esq

And as if Jesus and the Wensleydale Contingency doesn't sound like the best thing ever!





You have no idea how much I wish this was real.

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Fellow scientists, poindexters, geeks.

Yeah, Mr. White! Yeah, science!

Much more better!

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 6:06:01 PM   
Harry Tuttle


Posts: 7999
Joined: 12/11/2005
From: Sometime in the future.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gram123

6. "18 Tinned Horses" (Hamish Blevin, 1979) - Gritty documentary about the substance abuse rife amongst pre-teen Pennsylvania cowboys.

7. "Magma, Schmagma!" (Ronson Pannyhammer, 1968) - Body horror. Ernest Borgnine and Lionel Stander meet with dark forces in the bowels of an underground volcano, haunted by a family of shameful ghosts.

8. "Médecin Pantalons Serrés Va à l'Ouest" (Enjavins Berryl-Gardener, 1989) - Superior comedy sequel. When the errant physician becomes obsessed with his own imaginary mentally handicapped sister, heads really begin to turn. French subtitles.

9. "Stop! Or My Discomfort Will Worsen!" (Brönda Dødsky, 1992) - Straight-to-video gorefest starring Rue McClanahan in the Tutti Bomowski role. Swedish subtitles for the hard of hearing.

10. "Ddyrnau Deg anafwyd ychydig" aka "Cymru Flying Fist" aka "Flying Fists of Mild Trauma" (Wang Pugh, 1980) - Kung Fu epic set in Neath. Shorthand subtitles.




The above translates to Fists Fair Injured Few.

The correct translation is "Dyrnau Hedfan o Trawma Ysgafn".

Sorry [/pedant] [/killjoy]

< Message edited by Harry Tuttle -- 22/1/2013 6:07:16 PM >


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Post #: 17
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 6:24:35 PM   
SadFace

 

Posts: 1816
Joined: 1/1/2008
From: Derbyshire / Leicester

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gram123

6. "18 Tinned Horses" (Hamish Blevin, 1979) - Gritty documentary about the substance abuse rife amongst pre-teen Pennsylvania cowboys.

7. "Magma, Schmagma!" (Ronson Pannyhammer, 1968) - Body horror. Ernest Borgnine and Lionel Stander meet with dark forces in the bowels of an underground volcano, haunted by a family of shameful ghosts.

8. "Médecin Pantalons Serrés Va à l'Ouest" (Enjavins Berryl-Gardener, 1989) - Superior comedy sequel. When the errant physician becomes obsessed with his own imaginary mentally handicapped sister, heads really begin to turn. French subtitles.

9. "Stop! Or My Discomfort Will Worsen!" (Brönda Dødsky, 1992) - Straight-to-video gorefest starring Rue McClanahan in the Tutti Bomowski role. Swedish subtitles for the hard of hearing.

10. "Ddyrnau Deg anafwyd ychydig" aka "Cymru Flying Fist" aka "Flying Fists of Mild Trauma" (Wang Pugh, 1980) - Kung Fu epic set in Neath. Shorthand subtitles.




I just let out a massive guffaw at the title of that one alone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: rawlinson

That's the most wrong I've ever seen someone be on this forum. And both Gimli and Elab post here.
Post #: 18
RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 6:40:57 PM   
MovieAddict247


Posts: 3751
Joined: 5/6/2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: SadFace


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gram123

6. "18 Tinned Horses" (Hamish Blevin, 1979) - Gritty documentary about the substance abuse rife amongst pre-teen Pennsylvania cowboys.

7. "Magma, Schmagma!" (Ronson Pannyhammer, 1968) - Body horror. Ernest Borgnine and Lionel Stander meet with dark forces in the bowels of an underground volcano, haunted by a family of shameful ghosts.

8. "Médecin Pantalons Serrés Va à l'Ouest" (Enjavins Berryl-Gardener, 1989) - Superior comedy sequel. When the errant physician becomes obsessed with his own imaginary mentally handicapped sister, heads really begin to turn. French subtitles.

9. "Stop! Or My Discomfort Will Worsen!" (Brönda Dødsky, 1992) - Straight-to-video gorefest starring Rue McClanahan in the Tutti Bomowski role. Swedish subtitles for the hard of hearing.

10. "Ddyrnau Deg anafwyd ychydig" aka "Cymru Flying Fist" aka "Flying Fists of Mild Trauma" (Wang Pugh, 1980) - Kung Fu epic set in Neath. Shorthand subtitles.




I just let out a massive guffaw at the title of that one alone


Same!


18 Tinned Horses sounds like one I'd have liked. Shame.

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 6:53:54 PM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
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From: Enemies of Film HQ
Machuca, I didn't even have to invent one.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

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RE: Films Even rawlinson Doesn't Know About - 22/1/2013 7:40:43 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
Jappatong Phallagappagang (Yokulmonng Kellaprivattong, 1974) - loosely translated as ‘Transsexual Bank Robber', this gentle Thai and Filipino co-production looks at the tender friendship which strikes up between a terminally ill transsexual bank robber and one of his/her hostages, a 10 year old boy. Often criticised for being a blatant rip-off of Dog Day Afternoon, Jappatong was actually made a year before and loosely based on the same source news story. All copies of the film were burnt as they left the developers.

Who's the Daft Apeth Now, Pikan? (Norman Normanly, 1942) - also-ran Northern war time comedy which featured Will Hay-alike Stanley Smurthington in his career defining and destroying role as cheeky Private Patsy Purvess, in a film version of the popular radio series ‘Not Up My Back Alley, You Don’t’. The story concentrates on Patsy and his pals as they try to sell soap rations to the Gestapo in exchange for state secrets. Sadly, Smurthington committed suicide by throwing himself off a double decker bus weeks after Pikan was released when film emerged of him accidentally killing one of director Normanly’s prostitutes.

Small Soldiers (Yurgl Yevgennie, 1986) – no, not that ‘Small Soldiers’, Yevgennie’s Israeli guerrilla war film centres on a group of mercenary dwarves who are tasked with rescuing Israel’s most famous family of tall people from a maniacal despot intent on destroying the nation’s telecommunications. Heavily influenced by the films of Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Small Soldiers remains the most violent film ever made with over 4000 graphic on screen deaths. It is still banned outright in over forty countries, and has had at least 3 hours cut from its 7 hour running time in most others. Several cast and crew members, including three dwarves, were tragically killed on set when eleven tanks lost control during a key action sequence. On viewing the film fully uncut shortly before it was released, late British director Michael Winner was reported to have left the screening room crying and vomiting. In an interview conducted later that week, Winner’s personal assistant said that the director was still visibly upset, whilst also revealing that Winner had vomited so much, his restaurant review notebook could not even be opened, let alone read, as it was so saturated with vomit. Six months later, Winner was finally able to speak in front of other people and said “my next films will be fairy tales for children”.

Bouef, Bap, alours! (Francois Millemeux-de-saint, 1950) – this long forgotten slice of proto French new wave was not released until 1960, when the genre had become popular amongst chin-stroking intellectuals with beards and no moustaches. A young couple (played by Emillie de Rosonsonson and Gervavre Pontieusac) holidaying in St Tropez decide to rob a jewellers for no reason, and then go on the run trying to fence their spoils across the country. A mixture of black and white, sepia and three-strip technicolour, the film is most famous for its unedited single take 16 minute sequence shot in sonochrome, where the couple sit side by side staring directly at the camera saying the names of people they’ve known since birth, whilst their charge sheet is typed up (off screen) by the detective who caught them.

Faen Helvete Fittetryne! [trans. ‘Fucking Hell Cuntface!’] (Bobo Estvenssonn, 1991) – the second, and most superior, film in the Cuntface trilogy, ‘Faen Helvete’ is one of Norway’s most popular films and Cuntface one of its most popular cultural characters. Faen Helvete carries on immediately from where the first Cuntface film (‘Manndige pikk med mye hår, Fittetryne’ [Joost van der Ververanderdanderhoeven, 1990]) finished, as Cuntface is left alone to take on Norway’s lethal ice fishing industry. The final Cuntface film, ‘Slingrefitte Vs. Fittetryne’ (Bo Oerst-hur-vandervesterjooen, 1993) was one of Norway’s biggest box office disasters and was released to savage critical reviews, with Jan Van Den Vanden Jan Jansson, Norway’s most respected film critic, calling it “an insult to at least six generations of my family” and “shit”.

Nankin komoriuta, rarabai [‘Nanking Lullaby’, AKA ‘Rape My Nan, King’ in China] (Yosimoju Kajumato, 1963) – light hearted Japanese romantic comedy musical with a dash of slapstick set against the backdrop of the 1937 Nanking massacre. Promising young officer Jun Takahata (played by 60s Japanese heart throb and skiffle star Yoji Futomuto) falls in love with a poor Chinese waitress (played by later disgraced hardcore porn star Yippi Nangnang) after her entire family are brutally slaughtered by Takahata’s company. Much to his senior officers’ chagrin, Takahata takes in the waitress as two cultures hilariously collide, with the two hating each other at first, but gradually being attracted to each other as they reveal more of their characters through numerous vividly shot song and dance routines. More famous these days as Kim Jeong-Il’s favourite film of all time.

Look at the Size of My Knob (Alfred Hitchcock, 1978) – contrary to popular belief, ‘Family Plot’ was not Hitchcock’s last film. Towards the end of ‘Family Plot’s’ shoot, Hitchcock, fed up with working on tightly budgeted thrillers and mysteries, began work on an expensive bawdy comedy starring Robin Askwith and Bernard Bresslaw as door-to-door door knob salesmen. Recognising in Askwith a natural comical bent missing for most of his career, Hitchcock crafted the film especially around Askwith’s onscreen persona. In a shocking turn of events, Hitchcock would direct Askwith in a highly pornographic scene which offended now-dead pornstar John Holmes to the extent that he immediately quit the porn industry and became a homeless drug addict. Knob was received terribly by critics, and made a paltry £150 (against its budget of £15million) at the box office. The film has since been erased from all records mentioning Hitchcock.


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