Register  |   Log In  |  
Sign up to our weekly newsletter    
Follow us on   
Search   
Forum Home Register for Free! Log In Moderator Tickets FAQ Users Online

Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore

 
Logged in as: Guest
  Printable Version
All Forums >> [On Another Note...] >> Off Topic >> Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:22:56 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hello everyone! I'm Sir Roger Moore, the star of films like 'The Curse of the Pink Panther', 'Sherlock Holmes in New York' and 'The Wild Geese'. You probably know me best as suave, womanising secret agent James Bond, but did you also know that I've also been happily married for ten years? That's why I want to pass on some advice to you all about how to get a woman, how to keep her - and how to keep her satisfied! Follow these tips and you'll be getting plenty of 'Octopussy'!

1. Don't appear too keen. Don't ever assume that the lady is your equal (god forbid!).

2. A good hearty pat on the backside is still the best way to make your move.

3. While we all know that women cannot tell jokes, it is always polite to laugh anyway.

4. Ladies prefer a man who doesn't need or desire a condom.

5. Velour is always fashionable.

6. A woman will admire you if you come first.

7. Always order for the lady. Otherwise you will be there all night!


RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!
Post #: 1
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:27:18 PM   
Scruffybobby

 

Posts: 4365
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: My House
Thanks Sir Roger for the sage advice, could I trouble you though for your advice on how to turn the mistress of a billionaire megalomanic bent on world domination? I think it could come in really handy one day

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 2
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:31:38 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hello 'Scruffybobby'! My best advice to you is to always wear a tuxedo - I'll bet it 'suits you'!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to Scruffybobby)
Post #: 3
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:34:43 PM   
Rgirvan44


Posts: 19053
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Punishment Park
Sir Roger

I am a 40 year old who is obbessed with your movies. I hate these new movies with their flashy nonsense and allowing woman to be more than eye candy.

I am so alone. What can I do to change my life?

_____________________________

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.


(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 4
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:35:26 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20120
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield


This will end well.

_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


Bristol Bad Film Club
A place where movie fans can come and behold some of the most awful films ever put to celluloid.

(in reply to Rgirvan44)
Post #: 5
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:41:53 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hello there 'Rgirvan44' - what a funny name that is! It's difficult to know what best to tell you, as you seem like my kind of fellow, but perhaps you could pretend that you're a secret agent to get the ladies. It worked for me, after all!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 6
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:44:15 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 12192
Joined: 30/9/2005
Dear Sir Roger,

Why is God?

Yours,

A fan who doesn't mind that your hair isn't jet black and is actually brown and had to be dyed and cut in such a way to hide the fact that your hair was receding and wasn't the absolute pure black that Bond has to have or else he cannot possibly be Bond and would sometimes change shade several times in the same movie & was helpfully covered up occasionally with a small hair piece.

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 7
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:44:47 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14582
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
Dear Sir Roger,

I'm recently single again for the first time in ten years and am considering turning to dating sites to meet any future laydeez.

What is the best thing to put on my profile?

Many thanks,

matty_b


_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 8
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:47:27 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20120
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
Dear Roger,

Should Bond be black?

_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


Bristol Bad Film Club
A place where movie fans can come and behold some of the most awful films ever put to celluloid.

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 9
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:48:11 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20120
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
Dear Rog,

Is Martin Short?

_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


Bristol Bad Film Club
A place where movie fans can come and behold some of the most awful films ever put to celluloid.

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 10
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:50:56 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hello 'Matty', I hope you're well. My first inclination is to be against dating websites, because it's harder to get the lady drunk that way. If you must though, I would recommend putting the name of your favourite James Bond actor in a prominent position (most people would say me, if I may be so bold). If you get lucky, you'll meet a nice lady who's up for a good Rogering! Good luck!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 11
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:51:24 PM   
Rebel scum


Posts: 3483
Joined: 2/1/2006
Dear Sir Roger

Is Vad3r beyond all hope?

_____________________________

"We are not safe! A dark menace rises to the east! Duckies go quack! Cows go moo! I want ice cream. Verily, will you two hobbits join my quest?"

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 12
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:52:38 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hello 'Hood_Man'! I can't help you with theological enquiries, but that's certainly a word I hear a lot in the bedroom!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to Rebel scum)
Post #: 13
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:52:41 PM   
Scruffybobby

 

Posts: 4365
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: My House

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sir Roger Moore

Hello 'Scruffybobby'! My best advice to you is to always wear a tuxedo - I'll bet it 'suits you'!

RM


Thanks for that Sir Roger - and may I say that I really enjoyed your "Bond on Bond" book and that Micahel Winner film you made with Michael Caine. That was awesome.

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 14
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:56:12 PM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ
Dear gentle knight Sir Roger,

What's the most romantic place on the planet a man can romance a lady in? I think Rio de Janerio has that exotic feel to it, but Macau looked absolutely sensual in Skyfall.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to Rebel scum)
Post #: 15
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:56:16 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hi there 'rebel scum' - I'm not familiar with this 'vad3r' character, but I once got a blowjob from a lady called Hope in the back of an Alfa Romeo back in 1974. There wasn't much that was beyond her, I can tell you!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 16
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 10:56:41 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14582
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sir Roger Moore

Hello 'Matty', I hope you're well. My first inclination is to be against dating websites, because it's harder to get the lady drunk that way. If you must though, I would recommend putting the name of your favourite James Bond actor in a prominent position (most people would say me, if I may be so bold). If you get lucky, you'll meet a nice lady who's up for a good Rogering! Good luck!

RM


Thank you, Sir Roger.

Rest assured, you'll be at the forefront of my mind if this works.


_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 17
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 11:01:06 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Hello 'Deviation'! I'm going to be a traditional old sod and suggest Paris. Wine and dine a lady by the bank of the Seine, and she'll be desperate to see your Eiffel Tower!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 18
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 11:04:08 PM   
Deviation


Posts: 27284
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Enemies of Film HQ

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sir Roger Moore

Hello 'Deviation'! I'm going to be a traditional old sod and suggest Paris. Wine and dine a lady by the bank of the Seine, and she'll be desperate to see your Eiffel Tower!

RM


Thanks Sir Roger, and don't worry Sir Roger, the traditional and the old is sometimes the best way.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dpp1978
There are certainly times where calling a person a cunt is not only reasonable, it is a gross understatement.

quote:


ORIGINAL: elab49
I really wish I could go down to see Privates

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 19
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 11:15:18 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7938
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Dear Roger,

Do you care where they put the gun barrel?

Confused from Kent.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to Deviation)
Post #: 20
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 11:24:11 PM   
Sway


Posts: 9085
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Albuquerque
Dear Mr Moore,

As per no. 7 of your tips, what would you order for me and why?



_____________________________

"I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger! A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!"



(in reply to MonsterCat)
Post #: 21
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 11:28:23 PM   
Hood_Man


Posts: 12192
Joined: 30/9/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sir Roger Moore

Hi there 'rebel scum' - I'm not familiar with this 'vad3r' character, but I once got a blowjob from a lady called Hope in the back of an Alfa Romeo back in 1974. There wasn't much that was beyond her, I can tell you!

RM



Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, you're the best

I wasn't lookin', but somehow you found me
I tried to hide from your love light
But like heaven above me, the spy who loved me
Is keeping all my secrets safe tonight

And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why'd you have to be so good?

The way that you hold me whenever you hold me
There's some kind of magic inside you
That keeps me from runnin', but just keep it comin'
How'd you learn to do the things you do?

And nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby, baby
Darling, you're the best
Baby, you're the best
Baby, you're the best

(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 22
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 29/12/2012 11:34:02 PM   
Sir Roger Moore


Posts: 19
Joined: 29/12/2012
Sway: I think wine is a good lady drink. Though I always find some car battery acid is a good way to get a night motoring!

Monstercat: I've had my own gun barrel in so many places, I've lost count. I'll put it wherever the ladies tell me to, if you get my meaning!

RM

_____________________________

I played James Bond from 1973 to 1985. Some people think I was in the role for a few years Moore than I should have been!

(in reply to Sway)
Post #: 23
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 12:33:51 AM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24509
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
Sir Roger, I wish you were here when that girl called me "m8" in a text message and I asked the forum for help, I might be having sex with her right now instead of telling you about it.

_____________________________

Team Ginge
WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



(in reply to Sir Roger Moore)
Post #: 24
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 1:06:02 AM   
Pigeon Army


Posts: 14612
Joined: 29/1/2006
From: Pixar HQ, George Lucas' Office.
Dear Sir Moore,

I am moving to a new city and know very few people there. How do I go about meeting ladies in this city?

Cheers, love your work,

Pigeon Army.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rinc
She's supposed to be 13! I'd want her to be very attractive though


quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pigeon Army
Stop being mean to Deviation

No.

(in reply to Rhubarb)
Post #: 25
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 1:47:47 AM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24509
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home


_____________________________

Team Ginge
WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



(in reply to Pigeon Army)
Post #: 26
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 8:24:29 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18336
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich
Much of the clothing you wore in The Persuaders was fab. If I emulate your style will I be as successful with the ladies?



< Message edited by sanchia -- 30/12/2012 8:26:55 PM >


_____________________________

Nothing to see here.



(in reply to Rhubarb)
Post #: 27
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 8:58:58 PM   
Mister Coe

 

Posts: 1561
Joined: 20/10/2012
Sir Roger, there was a series of childrens books in the 70's or 80's called 'Roger Moore and the Crimefighters' (or something like that) and I always believed that you were personally involved with those books and I wanted to fight crime because YOU told me that it was the right thing to do.
e out with
The last time I got involved in an unpleasant situation (some drunk guys attacking a defenseless guy), I ended up in hospital.

Did you have any involvement in those books or did that message you sent me (or DIDNT send me!) was something crap that you just got paid for? I mean, a cheesy picture on some shit books, how much did you get paid for that? Are you happy with that? My nose was broken! I had a fractured eye socket!

Also, you did a Christmas movie with Katie Mcgrath. Katie Mcgrath is my dream girl. You owe it to me to sort me out with a date with Katie!

Of course, you might not be the REAL Roger Moore...


_____________________________

Say what now?

(in reply to sanchia)
Post #: 28
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 9:30:44 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18336
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich


_____________________________

Nothing to see here.



(in reply to Mister Coe)
Post #: 29
RE: Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore - 30/12/2012 10:07:04 PM   
Mister Coe

 

Posts: 1561
Joined: 20/10/2012

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia




Thanks Sanchia, I loved those books! And you have the greatest gif on all these boards!

_____________________________

Say what now?

(in reply to sanchia)
Post #: 30
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [On Another Note...] >> Off Topic >> Love Advice With Sir Roger Moore Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts


 
Movie News  |  Empire Blog  |  Movie Reviews  |  Future Films  |  Features  |  Video Interviews  |  Image Gallery  |  Competitions  |  Forum  |  Magazine  |  Resources
 
Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition 2.4.5 ANSI

0.109