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How To Survive Potential Apocolypses

 
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How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:24:01 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse? We've planned for zombie apocolypses like most people, but have you planned too much for that one, and going to look stupid when its a different apocolypse that you are ill equipped to deal with?

With vampires, clearly the best policy is to implement a "no inviting Christopher Lee over the threshold" rule, starting immediately. Sorry Christopher Lee, but I can't take that chance I'm afraid.

Werewolves, obviously you just need to get some silver in the house, basically.

Come share you game plan, then there are potentially more surviviors when the worst happens.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.


Post #: 1
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:28:51 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.

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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:30:47 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
Surely let one bite you and become a hot young sex object.

That's what normally happens when you get bitten by a vampire, right? That and ending up in any number of mediocre films and TV shows. But it's a salary.

But that's what I'm banking on on getting rid of my belly goitre, anyway. A million sit-ups, crunches and "mountain climbing" exercises has done fuck all, and being bitten by a vamp is cheaper than surgery.

Werewolves and zombies have never really been sexy, but vampires have. Even if you end up looking like a shoulder, your vampire charisma will attract all the beautiful women.

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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:30:57 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.


That's the Gears of War apocolypse.

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Team Ginge
WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 4
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:34:02 PM   
clownfoot


Posts: 7914
Joined: 26/9/2005
From: The ickle town of Fuck, Austria

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.


That's the Gears of War apocolypse.


Isn't it for when a volcano erupts?

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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:35:48 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: clownfoot


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

So how are you going to survive the vampire apocolypse?


Duck and cover.


That's the Gears of War apocolypse.


Isn't it for when a volcano erupts?


If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 6
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:36:39 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii


Hand on cock, and/or balls.

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Post #: 7
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:37:25 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

Surely let one bite you and become a hot young sex object.


[photo of Kristen Stewart]

quote:


Werewolves have never really been sexy

[photo of Taylor Lauter]

quote:

but vampires have. .


[photo of Robert Pattinson]

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WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 8
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:38:30 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii

Hand on cock, and/or balls.



Exactly - you don't want to be remembered forever as cowering under a desk.



< Message edited by Rhubarb -- 16/11/2012 12:39:08 PM >


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quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 9
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:40:00 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18137
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii


Hand on cock, and/or balls.


Yours or someone elses?


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Post #: 10
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:40:33 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

Surely let one bite you and become a hot young sex object.


[photo of Kristen Stewart]

quote:


Werewolves have never really been sexy

[photo of Taylor Lauter]

quote:

but vampires have. .


[photo of Robert Pattinson]



You got me.

Although I defend my werewolves comment - they've only become sexy in the last couple of years and largely thanks to Twilight (which I have NOT seen, I should add).

And loads of people find R-Patz (or whatever we call him) and that young anorexic boy with long hair the epitome of walking sex.

So yeah - I have no idea what my point is.

< Message edited by great_badir -- 16/11/2012 12:41:09 PM >


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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:40:57 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots
We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!




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Post #: 12
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:42:09 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
R-Patz has got inspiring hair, in fairness.

_____________________________

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WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



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Post #: 13
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:43:42 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia
quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb
If a volcano erupts, I suggest striking an interesting pose in case you get incased in the ash like Pompeii


Hand on cock, and/or balls.


Yours or someone elses?


Depends, really. If you want to leave a bit of mystery for future archeologists, then definitely someone else's. Even better if you make sure they don't want you to hold it/them.

But if you want to be seen as "the man who's last act in life was to have a Thomas" (Tank as opposed to Tit), then your own.

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Post #: 14
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:44:18 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!





We can only go by what we know though, as a broad plan, Shifty. And as a generation so overloaded with pop culture, it makes sense to use that to our advantage. The older generations will be screwed with their lack of over-analyising books and movies.

_____________________________

Team Ginge
WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



(in reply to Shifty Bench)
Post #: 15
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:47:14 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
I understand what Shifty means, though - "real" vampires (as in those who lead a vampire lifestyle in real life without going as far as sucking blood from necks) are all pasty-faced emos who don't shower and look like they haven't slept for a year.

...which is kind of how R-Patz and the young boy look to me...

So I still don't know what my point is.

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Post #: 16
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:49:28 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
The alien apocolypse scenario is easily dealt with, thanks to Mars Attacks!, though it means keeping a Tom Jones CD nearby at all times, just in case.

_____________________________

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WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



(in reply to great_badir)
Post #: 17
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:51:22 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
Don't forget the computer virus and the common cold as well.


...I've decided my point is that I would probs prefer to be turned into a turd monster when the apoopalypse happens. People would leave me alone then.

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Post #: 18
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:51:37 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!





We can only go by what we know though, as a broad plan, Shifty. And as a generation so overloaded with pop culture, it makes sense to use that to our advantage. The older generations will be screwed with their lack of over-analyising books and movies.


But a lot of the text and films contradicts other stuff. Can they fly or not? Do they sleep in coffins or hanging upside down in a cave like bats? Do you really have to kill the head vampire and if so does that mean whoever they turned will become human again? We should prepare for all eventualities.

You have got me worried about the vampire apocalypse now Rhub. I wasn't worried about the zombie one, all I have to do is be faster than other people and considering the majority of people on my street are pensioners, I think I'll be fine. The vampire apocalypse opens up so many questions, though, we are not prepared for it! We need a plan in advance so the dirty bloodsucking scum don't get their way!


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Post #: 19
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:53:29 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
all I have to do is be faster than other people


But you've neglected a couple of the 80s Italian zombie flicks and new-wave zombies where they are all fast, dexterous and slightly intelligent.


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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:56:55 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
all I have to do is be faster than other people


But you've neglected a couple of the 80s Italian zombie flicks and new-wave zombies where they are all fast, dexterous and slightly intelligent.



But they're Italian, they always have to be different. I'm in Scotland, all our zombies will be slow, lazy and won't give a fuck.

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Extended Edition Podcast- Episode 46:Threads Of Destiny (Star Wars Fan Film)

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Post #: 21
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 12:59:45 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
But they're Italian, they always have to be different. I'm in Scotland, all our zombies will be slow, lazy and won't give a fuck.


True.

Plus your zombies will also be too busy whisking up batter for the deep fryer.

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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:01:19 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench
But they're Italian, they always have to be different. I'm in Scotland, all our zombies will be slow, lazy and won't give a fuck.


True.

Plus your zombies will also be too busy whisking up batter for the deep fryer.


Now you're just being silly and using a stereotype.....




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Post #: 23
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:08:01 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
Well, I stay in Glasgow with a mate at least twice a year. So that obvs (obviously) makes me part Scottish. So I can say things like that.


In all seriousness, though, every time I go up I'm surprised by how few obese people I see walking round. I swear it's worse down here. Either that, or up there there are more "remove the walls of my house" cases.

I was also disappointed to learn that the only place near my mate that did stornoway suppers closed last year and the nearest one now is in Govan. But he won't take me to Govan.

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RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:09:18 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14550
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

The alien apocolypse scenario is easily dealt with, thanks to Mars Attacks!, though it means keeping a Tom Jones CD nearby at all times, just in case.


Slim Whitman, surely?

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Post #: 25
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:15:08 PM   
Rhubarb


Posts: 24508
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: No Direction Home
quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench


quote:

ORIGINAL: Rhubarb

quote:

ORIGINAL: Shifty Bench

We are all thinking as though 'real' vampires are as sexy as the ones in books and films. Maybe they have been 'sexed up' and real vampires are hideous slobs. Also, we are assuming that the rules that apply in books and films also apply in real life. How do we actually know they can't enter a house unless invited? The fact is, the first part of the vampire apocalypse will be a learning curve and by that time, most of us will be dead anyway because we all thought we knew the rules......

IT'S COMMON SENSE PEOPLE!!!!!





We can only go by what we know though, as a broad plan, Shifty. And as a generation so overloaded with pop culture, it makes sense to use that to our advantage. The older generations will be screwed with their lack of over-analyising books and movies.


But a lot of the text and films contradicts other stuff. Can they fly or not? Do they sleep in coffins or hanging upside down in a cave like bats? Do you really have to kill the head vampire and if so does that mean whoever they turned will become human again? We should prepare for all eventualities.

You have got me worried about the vampire apocalypse now Rhub. I wasn't worried about the zombie one, all I have to do is be faster than other people and considering the majority of people on my street are pensioners, I think I'll be fine. The vampire apocalypse opens up so many questions, though, we are not prepared for it! We need a plan in advance so the dirty bloodsucking scum don't get their way!



That's why I made this thread - I think we are underprepared. We need to determine the most likely eventualities and ways around them.

_____________________________

Team Ginge
WWLD?


quote:

ORIGINAL: FritzlFan

You organisational skills sicken me, Rhubarb.



(in reply to Shifty Bench)
Post #: 26
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:23:17 PM   
clownfoot


Posts: 7914
Joined: 26/9/2005
From: The ickle town of Fuck, Austria
So, what do we do when the inhabitants from the planet of the nymphomaics decide to attack? Bonk them to death?

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Post #: 27
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:24:36 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots

quote:

ORIGINAL: clownfoot

So, what do we do when the inhabitants from the planet of the nymphomaics decide to attack? Bonk them to death?


It would be the only way to make sure....

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Extended Edition Podcast- Episode 46:Threads Of Destiny (Star Wars Fan Film)

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Post #: 28
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:25:19 PM   
great_badir


Posts: 4662
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: A breaking rope bridge in the middle of the jungle
We just let whatever happens happen.

But bear in mind that they will almost certainly eat us afterwards. And I don't mean a good nympho eat us. I mean proper devouring and digesting. Like spiders. The bitches.

< Message edited by great_badir -- 16/11/2012 1:26:11 PM >


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Post #: 29
RE: How To Survive Potential Apocolypses - 16/11/2012 1:26:40 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots

quote:

ORIGINAL: great_badir

We just let whatever happens happen.

But bear in mind that they will almost certainly eat us afterwards. And I don't mean a good nympho eat us. I mean proper devouring and digesting. Like spiders. The bitches.


But in Clowny's scenario, they'd be dead......

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Post #: 30
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