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RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing!

 
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RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 4:47:23 PM   
galvatron


Posts: 1296
Joined: 1/10/2005
The teacher is totally in the wrong... I'm a teacher and it's unnaceptable and they should throw the book at him.

On the social media front. I refuse to add any pupil, former or otherwise, on Facebook (plenty try) even though some of my colleagues do add ex pupils. I just don't think it's right. Though hypocritically I have one of my former teachers on Facebook but added him about 6 years after I left school and regularly see him down the pub so perhaps a little different!

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Post #: 31
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 6:15:31 PM   
steffols


Posts: 7689
Joined: 3/10/2005
From: Jungleland
I think a fair few of us here can probably say at one point in their school lives had crushes on teachers. I had a massive crush on my English teacher to the point I couldn't even look at him. He wasn't even that attractive, it was the way he spoke to us like adults and his respect that I fell for him. Thats a big part of it. This guy is probably the first man in Megans life to treat her not as a little girl, but as a full grown woman and she has gone crazy with it.

I put myself in the shoes of Megans family. My little brother is a few months shy of his 15th birthday and if he up and left with a woman 15 years his senior who was put in a position of trust over him, I would be so furious I wouldn't be able to contain it. There is no way in hell my little brother is old enough to maturely deal with the emotions of an adult. For a 30 year old to think that of a 15 year old girl, no matter how well she manages to come over as mature, is old enough to make her own mind up about these sort of decisions, he needs serious help.

I wouldn't throw him in with the filthy paedo picture that all of us have of an old man at a playpark, but there is something definitely disturbing about his decision. His callousness is what gets me the most. Megan hasn't called home which must mean he isn't encouraging her too. He has left a wife and unborn child to deal with the fallout of this mess and he has left two parents beside themselves with worry about their child. He obviously cares for no one but himself. Not even for Megan. Very dangerous man.

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Post #: 32
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 6:31:54 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18328
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich
Legally, as a teacher, it is illegal for him to make any approach towards a pupil if they are under 18 years of age as it is deemed to be taking advantage of a position of authority or power. As an adult he should have been mature enough to know exactly what he was doing and to have made certain that he never got in a position where this could have developed. At the end of the day he destroyed his own life and that of those around him for what is essentially a selfish reason. The disturbing thing I find is how many comments I have seen elsewhere painting her as some sort of succubus and declaring how good it is he has done this thing and they wish they could "pull some 15 year old"(ironically the same people who have previously been shouting from the rooftops that paedophiles should be hanged from the nearest tree or even those who might be paedophiles).

He may not be a paedophile but at the same time he is an exceptionally selfish individual whom has betrayed many individuals.

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Post #: 33
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 7:35:47 PM   
Brooksy84


Posts: 461
Joined: 25/1/2010

quote:

ORIGINAL: steffols

I think a fair few of us here can probably say at one point in their school lives had crushes on teachers. I had a massive crush on my English teacher to the point I couldn't even look at him. He wasn't even that attractive, it was the way he spoke to us like adults and his respect that I fell for him. Thats a big part of it. This guy is probably the first man in Megans life to treat her not as a little girl, but as a full grown woman and she has gone crazy with it.

I put myself in the shoes of Megans family. My little brother is a few months shy of his 15th birthday and if he up and left with a woman 15 years his senior who was put in a position of trust over him, I would be so furious I wouldn't be able to contain it. There is no way in hell my little brother is old enough to maturely deal with the emotions of an adult. For a 30 year old to think that of a 15 year old girl, no matter how well she manages to come over as mature, is old enough to make her own mind up about these sort of decisions, he needs serious help.

I wouldn't throw him in with the filthy paedo picture that all of us have of an old man at a playpark, but there is something definitely disturbing about his decision. His callousness is what gets me the most. Megan hasn't called home which must mean he isn't encouraging her too. He has left a wife and unborn child to deal with the fallout of this mess and he has left two parents beside themselves with worry about their child. He obviously cares for no one but himself. Not even for Megan. Very dangerous man.


This is probably the best analysis of the whole scenario I've read yet. The moment the bulb in his head finally blinks on and he realises just what the situation is for him then things may take a turn for the worse. I imagine he will already have filled her head with an "it's us against the world" mentality; who can say what else he can talk her into once the walls start closing in. She's got a lot still to live for, he hasn't. Scary thought.

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Post #: 34
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 7:45:16 PM   
ThunderwingDoomslayr

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 20/7/2012

quote:

ORIGINAL: DancingClown

Yes, he is a pedophile. .


I'm sorry to be pedantic about this understandably sensitive and difficult topic, but no he is not a paedophile - he's an Ephebophile. Paedophilia is when someone is sexually attracted to a prepubescent child - ephebophilia refers to the sexual preference for mid-to-late adolescents.


Having been a 15 year old girl (albeit many years ago now!) who actively pursued an older man, I know that not all 15 year old girls are 'victims' and she could very possible have approached him. Before anyone accuses me of 'victim blaming' I do not for one second condone the actions of a man who should have know better than to indulge any of these ridiculous fantasies, and the very fact that he has abandoned his wife after one year of marriage to run away with someone who was under his duty of care makes him a shitebag of the highest order. I'm just a bit sceptical that she will be wanting to come home anymore than he does right now.

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Post #: 35
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:18:39 PM   
Brooksy84


Posts: 461
Joined: 25/1/2010
I daresay she won't. Kids and teenagers very rarely want to do what's best for them or what's sensible. But a man twice her age encouraging her to do the wrong thing and taking advantage of her naivity does make her a victim, even if she doesn't realise it.

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Post #: 36
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:33:53 PM   
ThunderwingDoomslayr

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 20/7/2012
I appreciate what you're saying Brooksy but you're assuming that he is/was the one encouraging her, when that might not actually be the case. Hold off on the flaming torches for a sec though;

As I said, when I was that age I chased an older man with the very clear intention that it was more than hand holding I was after - and it was me and only me that was coming up with some (in hindsight, frankly ridiculous) suggestions including going across the border to a country where the age of consent was lower. In my case, I was unsuccessful as the man in question wasn't a complete moron. This happened over 20 years ago now and I still don't feel like I can in any way be described as a victim, a naive bloody idiot yes but certainly not a victim.

I am not saying this is the case for these two, my point is merely that we don't know anything about the characters of these two other than what we're being fed in the media.

(in reply to Brooksy84)
Post #: 37
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:41:50 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots
The fact is, though, he's an adult, she's a child. It doesn't really matter if she came on to him or not, he, as an adult and as a teacher, should have said no. He's still in the wrong, no matter how you look at it.

< Message edited by Shifty Bench -- 27/9/2012 8:50:27 PM >


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Post #: 38
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:45:49 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8307
Joined: 31/7/2008
I feel quite comfortable judging the character of a 30-year-old teacher who leaves behind a wife and child to run away with a 15-year-old schoolgirl to another country. Whether she pursued him relentlessly or not, it was his responsibility and duty to act appropriately. Unless it turns out he has mental health issues which escaped diagnosis all this time, it is unfeasible that he wouldn't know full well the seriousness of the situation he has created.

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Post #: 39
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:49:44 PM   
ThunderwingDoomslayr

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 20/7/2012
Couldn't agree with you and superdan more shifty - he is the one in the wrong without a shadow of a doubt. Can't understand why anyone would essentially wilfully throw away their career and relationship.

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Post #: 40
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:52:02 PM   
Shifty Bench

 

Posts: 15398
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Land of the Scots
He is, as is a running gag around here, a cunt.

Welcome to the forums

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Post #: 41
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 8:59:45 PM   
Fluke Skywalker


Posts: 9540
Joined: 23/4/2006
From: the dark side of the sun
He's gonna get it when he returns - they have to crack down superhard on this kind of thing to dissuade other classroom lotharios from following suit.

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Post #: 42
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 9:05:31 PM   
ThunderwingDoomslayr

 

Posts: 5
Joined: 20/7/2012
Thanks Shifty - I'm a long time lurker finally come out of the shadows! And yes agreed, magnitudinous (is that even a word?! I'm claiming it regardless!) cunt.


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Post #: 43
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 9:19:38 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18328
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich

quote:

ORIGINAL: ThunderwingDoomslayr

Couldn't agree with you and superdan more shifty - he is the one in the wrong without a shadow of a doubt. Can't understand why anyone would essentially wilfully throw away their career and relationship.


I think he has thrown away even more than just a career and a relationship but an entire life. Essentially for this to work they would need to disappear and never be found which makes him in particular a very dangerous individual if he feels they may be getting close to being found as it makes the potential for spontaneous and very dangerous action a distinct likelihood as at the end of the day what has he go to lose but the girl (and she is most definitely still a girl) he is with.

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Post #: 44
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 10:10:44 PM   
donethinking


Posts: 431
Joined: 24/4/2012
From: Haggisland
was there ever a case like this where the duo lived happily ever after ?

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Post #: 45
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 27/9/2012 10:24:45 PM   
SWOTBM


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Post #: 46
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 12:09:42 AM   
kumar


Posts: 5230
Joined: 2/10/2005

If and when they come back, this guy is going to get fucked and rightly so. Abused his position as a teacher, cheated on his own wife (bbc website) and has not done this girl any favours in life at all.

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Post #: 47
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 9:37:24 AM   
MrsFinkelstein


Posts: 184
Joined: 29/2/2012
I've been following this case with interest, it certainly raises a lot of issues.

The guy strikes me as a complete, immature tool frankly. 30 years old, with responsibilities: a job, wife, baby on the way, mortgage, but who still wants to be an artist and be 'cool'. I can picture him being one of those teachers who the kids at the time think is fantastic as he 'relates' to them, and then when they look back after 5-10 years realise he was an idiot. I don't however, view him as a paedophile. Regardless, he will be on the Sex Offenders Register as a Schedule 1 offender at the end of this. Life will be fucked.

I saw his parents appealing on the news last night, and they looked destroyed by this.

Apparently the French are treating this as a missing persons case as their age of consent is 15, my gut feeling is that they will be elsewhere now. The worry being is that they feel cornered and do something stupid. Him because he knows he fucked up big time, and her because shes young, immature and sure she's in 'lurvve' and no one else understands them.

I work in Sexual Health and work at at a Young Persons clinic. Age of consent is a very grey area. We work within the boundaries of the Fraser Competencies, sometimes called the Gillick Competencies. We regularly see 15 years attend for contraception, and I don't even blink, it's the 13 year olds I worry about. The 15 year olds often have older boyfriends, and while they may look older than their age (like Megan in this case), are generally still fairly immature emotionally when you actually talk to them. I often wonder, other than the obvious, what the hell do these guys see in these girls???? It's all about having someone who looks up to you and who you can tell what to do IMO.

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Post #: 48
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 9:54:10 AM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsFinkelstein
I often wonder, other than the obvious, what the hell do these guys see in these girls???? It's all about having someone who looks up to you and who you can tell what to do IMO.


I said this to my Mrs last night, as a 31 year old guy myself, I don't see how you could find anything attractive about someone so young. It even felt creepy saying that.

Where everyone is saying this could end badly, are you thinking one or two suicides?

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Post #: 49
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 10:24:39 AM   
MrsFinkelstein


Posts: 184
Joined: 29/2/2012
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief


quote:

ORIGINAL: MrsFinkelstein
I often wonder, other than the obvious, what the hell do these guys see in these girls???? It's all about having someone who looks up to you and who you can tell what to do IMO.


I said this to my Mrs last night, as a 31 year old guy myself, I don't see how you could find anything attractive about someone so young. It even felt creepy saying that.

Where everyone is saying this could end badly, are you thinking one or two suicides?


I feel a bit dramatic for even considering it, and I do think it's highly unlikely...............BUT, my impression is that they (especially him) are both very immature, and that they may be caught up in this "us against them, and our love is just so misunderstood, and it's just like Romeo and Juliet" mentality that they may do something incredibly stupid.

< Message edited by MrsFinkelstein -- 28/9/2012 10:25:43 AM >

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Post #: 50
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 11:46:40 AM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee
It is a bit OTT but you never know!

Also, how aware do you think they are of the shit storm it's created over here? I mean, if they've switched their phones off and are wrapped up in what ever they are doing. I doubt the French media will be covering it as much as the UK.

(in reply to galvatron)
Post #: 51
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 11:56:03 AM   
elab49


Posts: 54624
Joined: 1/10/2005
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief

It is a bit OTT but you never know!

Also, how aware do you think they are of the shit storm it's created over here? I mean, if they've switched their phones off and are wrapped up in what ever they are doing. I doubt the French media will be covering it as much as the UK.


Is it possible for any modern 15yo to stay off the net?


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quote:

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Post #: 52
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 12:27:17 PM   
jcthefirst


Posts: 4429
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From: Bangor
I remember watching a Channel 5 afternoon movie like this.

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Post #: 53
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 12:33:23 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee

quote:

ORIGINAL: jcthefirst

I remember watching a Channel 5 afternoon movie like this.


How did it end?

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Post #: 54
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 12:43:13 PM   
jcthefirst


Posts: 4429
Joined: 6/10/2005
From: Bangor
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief


quote:

ORIGINAL: jcthefirst

I remember watching a Channel 5 afternoon movie like this.


How did it end?


Everyone learned an important lesson.

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Post #: 55
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 12:44:54 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee
So no prison or suicide for anybody?

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Post #: 56
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 1:14:32 PM   
elab49


Posts: 54624
Joined: 1/10/2005
Since they've been found I guess prison still a poss.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation] LIKE AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS TOO. IT MADE ME LAUGH A LOT AND THOUGHT IT WAS WITTY. ALSO I FEEL SLOWLY DYING INSIDE. I KEEP AGREEING WITH ELAB.


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Post #: 57
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 1:25:24 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7778
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee

quote:

ORIGINAL: elab49

Since they've been found I guess prison still a poss.


I was talking about JC's film! But yes, still appropriate for the subject at hand.

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Post #: 58
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 28/9/2012 2:04:31 PM   
tarantinofan

 

Posts: 1194
Joined: 1/10/2005
They found them. He wasn't breaking the law in France but I suppose since the relationship started here he can be prosecuted here.

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Post #: 59
RE: Megan Stammers and her teacher still missing! - 30/9/2012 1:37:27 AM   
Goodfella


Posts: 17397
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: North Devon
I think I speak for everyone when I say I'm glad she's been found and has now returned home (although it still amazes me where the media will get that they were able to get snapshots of her boarding a private plane on a private airstrip, supposedly undisclosed). Forrest will most likely have a swift extradition back to the UK, possibly as early as Tuesday, and his French solicitors comments are bemusing to say the least. "He's a very charming boy. He was arrested whilst honestly looking for work in Bordeaux."

I imagine this is going to throw up plenty of background noise now that they have been found and court proceedings start. I don't mean to be cynical but we've learnt a bit more about Megan's homelife this week and it is not exactly the perception of comfortable. It took over 48 hours to locate her genetic father despite his daughter's face being slapped all over every national newspaper and television station for nearly two days, she has her stepfather's name but according to several news outlets he doesn't even live in the family home and her relationship with her mother is one that has been reportedly going downhill for some time.

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