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The Watch - 22/8/2012 3:59:30 PM   
Empire Admin


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Ayoade, Stop This! - 22/8/2012 3:59:30 PM   


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I cannot forgive you or O'Dowd for being in any film until I get the fifth season/finale of the IT Crowd. I liked Submarine though.

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RE: Ayoade, Stop This! - 22/8/2012 4:49:53 PM   

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Jonah Hill as the weird angry one? No fucking way! How does this man keep reinventing himself?!?!

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Rogen, Stop This! - 24/8/2012 9:52:39 PM   


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Seth Rogen is a talentless moron. I don't know how that guy made it as an actor and he laughably thinks he can write now. Well he can't. He completely ruined The Green Hornet and now his name is on The Watch, I'll give it a miss.

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The "Don't" Watch! - 27/8/2012 7:44:52 PM   


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From: Edinburgh
Ah... Now I see how this is one of the unfuniest comedies ever made (Keith Lemon side), Seth Rogen had a hand in it. Surely he has made enough money on other crap he has written/ produced/ starred in! The guy just has no talent! Saying that I am bored to the teeth of seeing Vaughn, Stiller and Hill play the same character in every film they are in. Not to mention the non-funny Ayoade. Highlight of the film was when myself and the other three punters in the screen walked out. Utter tosh!!

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bizarre - 27/8/2012 10:02:32 PM   


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There seems to be about 4 films in one here. Some scenes/sub plots felt like they belonged in a totally different film.

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RE: bizarre - 28/8/2012 10:08:13 PM   
Dr Lenera


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In the small town of Glenview, Ohio, Evan Trautwig is an active participant in the community and the senior manager of the local Costco store. His life is disrupted when the store’s night security guard is murdered. The local police have no leads and show no interest in investigating further. Determined to find the killer and bring him to justice, Evan decides to form a Neighbourhood Watch. However, he only manages to recruit three other guys, and they seem to want to use the group as an excuse to drink and have fun, much to Evan’s annoyance. While driving on patrol they accidentally hit a strange metallic orb that acts as a highly destructive weapon, and later, after some more killings, encounter an alien in the woods who is certainly not benevolent…..

The Dictator and Ted made me somewhat regain my faith in movie comedy, which, to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, ain’t like it used to. It seems that comedic films are either just for very small children, sappy rom-coms or crude exercises in vulgarity for teenage boys, the latter kind seeming to dominate at the moment thanks to Judd Apatow and his like. Now of course I’m not saying I don’t like vulgar humour; the two films I mentioned at the start of this paragraph had that in abundance, and they used to make tons of smutty films of the kind they’re making now back in the 80’s, but they were often actually likeable and well written. Most recent comedies leave me cold and I wonder if there will ever be a return to real wit and humour aimed at mature adults. The Watch is the latest charmless, dumb so-called comedy to come out of Hollywood, a sort of The Hangover [which admittedly was surprisingly good] meets Ghostbusters, but none of the quality of either.

I don’t know why I did it. The trailer for The Watch was hardly impressive, considering that they are supposed to select especially funny bits of the film to show in trailers, but like an idiot I went to see the film and within fifteen minutes knew I was onto a loser. The opening scene is quite promising. Evan leaves work and says to his security guard he can help himself to a couple of things. The guard gets totally drunk and messes around, set to one of those awful misogynist rap ‘songs’ where the women are ‘hoes” and “bitches”, until we have relief from the ear-assaulting garbage when he is killed by an unseen monster, his blood spattering all over a door. In fact the whole ‘serious’ element of the film does sometimes create a feeling of fear, but is undone by non-stop pillaging of ideas from much better films [aliens who look like the ones from the Alien films but can also wear the skins of humans] and sheer stupidity [in their alien form, they are far larger than humans yet can still wear their skins].

Of course the majority of the movie centres around our four charmless heroes, who are characterised by; is lonely and avoiding sex with his wife because he is infertile; is fun loving but also obsessed with his daughter’s sex life; is very aggressive and has a liking for knives and guns, and just, well, thinks about sex a lot; that last is pretty much how Richard Ayoade’s character is characterised. Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn play variations on their usual roles but it’s hard to tell if we are supposed to laugh at their ‘issues’ or whether said issues are supposed to add a bit of serious weight to the film. In any case, the majority of the film’s humour, indeed the majority of the whole film, just consists of chat, and occasional incidents, involving things like cum, piss and dicks. In fact, there is so much penis-centred humour that the film threatens to almost become a bizarre exercise in homo-eroticism, but then of course the supremely talentless Seth Rogen, who co-wrote this piece of rubbish but I suppose is preferable behind the camera than in front of it, has indulged a penis fetish in previous work.

The occasional line is amusing but for the most part The Watch, like many recent comedies, just seems to think that things to do with genitals and sex are so funny in themselves that they don’t need additional laughs. Out of the cast Jonah Hill is just unpleasantly scary in a role which is supposed to be hilarious [the tedious and offensive sight of just one more ‘funny’ gun nut in a film could actually drive me to shooting someone], and Richard Ayoade seems to give the impression he doesn’t know what he is doing in the film. The Watch is thoroughly tiresome stuff. It doesn’t even have much pace, and the constant potty- mouthed talk not only becomes very boring but is mostly delivered by a cast who seem just as fed-up with it as I was. This is the sort of concept people like Abbot and Costello would have used back in the 40′s and it would have been ten times funnier and not needed a single rude word. The last shot of The Watch has our heroes walking in slow motion in a supposedly heroic or cool way, but I couldn’t wait to see the back of them, and that’s bad coming from somebody who used to be a bit of a Ben Stiller fan.

Rating: 3/10


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RE: Rogen, Stop This! - 29/8/2012 4:47:32 PM   
Shifty Bench


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Seth Rogen is a talentless moron. I don't know how that guy made it as an actor and he laughably thinks he can write now. Well he can't. He completely ruined The Green Hornet and now his name is on The Watch, I'll give it a miss.

He has always been a writer, though. He wrote for TV shows (including Undeclared a decade ago) then films including Superbad and Pineapple Express.I am not defending his writing, by the way, just stating that Rogen writing is not a new occurrence

< Message edited by Shifty Bench -- 29/8/2012 4:48:05 PM >


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Post #: 8
RE: The Watch - 29/8/2012 5:02:06 PM   

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It was ok, seen far worse.

The Watch's biggest crime is the sheer mediocrity of it all, it's occasionally chucklesome, but never laugh out loud funny or completely awful either, it's just ok. The four leads are pretty much what you'd expect, so if you're not a Stiller/Vaughn/Hill/Ayoade fan then you need not apply.

Two stars is about right to be fair, if you're a fan of the cast or this type of setup you'll probably find something to enjoy, everyone else should keep moving.



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Post #: 9
What's with all the hate, folks? - 30/8/2012 7:19:04 PM   


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Joined: 27/6/2012
The Watch is a very fun movie, not unlike any other comedy of its type. I don't get what the problem is: it's a fun ride and makes you laugh. It's not a masterpiece, btu there's nothing really wrong with it. I get the feeling people are trashing it for the sake of it...

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Post #: 10
RE: The Watch - 31/8/2012 2:13:22 PM   
Castor Troy

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I loved it. Vaughn was the best I've seen him in ages and Hill was great too. The aliens were surprisingly effective and you can never have too many slow-mo/hip-hop shots.



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Post #: 11
*shrugs* Far better than I'd feared... - 2/9/2012 11:37:32 PM   

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From: Oxford, UK
I can't work out if it's in spite of its faults, or because of them that I enjoyed The Watch. I chuckled frequently throughout and guffawed three or four times, and the audience around me did the same, so it was doing something right.
The film does try its hand at having a subtext about duty, friendship, and relationships. It's probably best if you ignore this, as it's been done so much better in the past by other movies. But at the same time, bonus points go to them for attempting it. Without that second layer, what are we left with? Lesbian Vampire Killers, that's what...


More reviews and rambling like that ^^^ at: >>> <<<

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Post #: 12
- 3/9/2012 11:36:22 AM   


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Not quite as bad as Empire suggests, but a two star "fair" rating seems about right. Some nice moments but also feels a little by the numbers with no particular USP.

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Post #: 13
- 3/9/2012 11:36:27 AM   


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Not quite as bad as Empire suggests, but a two star "fair" rating seems about right. Some nice moments but also feels a little by the numbers with no particular USP.

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Post #: 14
Painful - 10/9/2012 9:53:40 AM   


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One of the worst films i've ever seen. We can't think of anything funny to say so lets a) shout, b) talk too much about nothing by giving something about 4 different terminoligies (every vince vaughan movie) or c) talk about willies or sex. How these all signed up to this shower of #### i will never know. and its a 15 as well, surely this should have been an 18, its just as bad as any Porkies movie from the 80's even though its apparently about an Alien Invasion. These films are embarassing to watch and people are forced into laughing through desperation of waiting so long for 1 joke in a so called "comedy".

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Post #: 15
RE: Painful - 11/11/2012 7:01:08 AM   

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The Watch

Right I saw this on a long haul flight from Indonesia so forgive me if I possibly didn't look upon it too favourably haha. Oh have I just done the review? need I go on?

This is one of those films that is split, it starts off really well with Stiller doing what he does best which is a parody of sorts. The warm cozy suburban life of Stiller's character is both amusing and easily the best section of the whole film. Add to the fray the always funny and shameless Vaughn whose brash loud outbursts can be hilariously awkward to watch, a loose cannon of comedy.

Hill boosts the fun factor more with his slightly psychotic wildcard of a character that lives with his mother, nice twist. All together they are a great trio, not too original in creativity character wise as we've seen them do this before but fun none the less. The last dude played by Ayoade tends to stick out like a sore thumb really, I know that's the idea but he never really fits in, he's just...there. Never heard of the actor either, maybe they should of used Carell or Rogen.

So the early sequences which show the guys doing their regular stuff is cool, there is a nice eerie feel to it which kinda reminded me of 'The Burbs'. It all goes down hill once the alien factor turns up and pretty much ruins everything. We go from a kooky neighbourhood type flick to a daft 'MIB' type romp and it just doesn't fit right if you ask me.

The whole alien invasion thing isn't funny nor is it good enough to be classed as an 'action romp', its just weak. It could of been so much better if they used the creepy neighbour's route despite that being a rip of the film I mentioned. The film is also unnecessarily vulgar with a lot of swearing that just isn't needed, swearing won't make the film funnier guys. Even the films original poster looked like something from 'District 9'.

Effects are satisfactory with your stupid looking flashy CGI laser beams and plastic looking aliens with obligatory tentacles. Gets stupider towards the end as it completely turns into a different kind of beast...such a waste. Overall the flight didn't effect how disappointed I was with this, could of been so damn good.

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Post #: 16
Crap - 6/1/2013 4:54:59 PM   

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From: Oxford
I have just turned the dvd off after about 25 minutes of nothing. Hated Vaughn, hated Hill, especially hated the cops (exactly the same as in Superbad - which I also hated). Love these comments though, everyone seems to agree with me about Rogen and his mini-me Hill.

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Post #: 17
- 25/4/2013 2:54:22 AM   


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From: Oxford
This was by no means a good film, but moments did make me laugh - especially Vaughn (who I am not a massive fan of, yet thought he was one of the best things about this film). Watchable but a wasted opportunity with same old same old characters, plot and messages.

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Post #: 18
RE: - 4/6/2013 11:26:55 PM   


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I remember thinking when this was out in the cinema, how much it was advertised. Trailers on tv a lot. Posters everywhere. Now I have seen why. Complete and utter shit. I kept watching hoping it would get better, considering the cast. It didn't. Shit.

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Post #: 19
RE: The Watch - 1/7/2013 6:41:49 PM   

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From: USA
I am quite confused by this film, If any of you are familiar with the Hulu made show, The 9 to 5'ers, I feel this is a true evolution of that show, Costco saw that show and thought if Subway can do it, why not Costco! The easiest movie to predict and the comedy was dryer than a dryer sheet. You'd think with such big names you could pull out some intelligent comedy, but it seems as if it was just a cash cow. I know for a fact all of these actors are smart and talented, so why, oh why? Such a misuse of talent that truly feels like the intelligence is lowering in the country at an alarming rate, Idiocracy is on it's way.


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my shit review of 'The Watch' - 6/9/2013 12:19:35 AM   


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Following the horrific murder and de-skinning of the security card at the Costco where Evan (Ben Stiller) works, he calls together a team of locals willing to help him where the police have failed. This team turns out to be more than the high strung Evan bargained for; a violent police force reject (Jonah Hill), an over enthusiastic, booze loving father (Vince Vaughan) and a curious, sexually voracious British migrant (Richard Ayoade). Various obligatory scenes of bonding follow and group dynamics are established. Much to Evan’s frustration, he is unable to maintain order and assert control in the way he has grown accustomed to in his various community societies. The three recruits start cracking beers, puns and dick jokes galore- indeed, humour of the penis size variety is allowed to run riot.

The pace finally picks up after half an hour as the foursome, now calling themselves ‘The Watch’, happen upon an alien weapon which they believe is linked to the murder. They hide it from the police and endeavour to track down the other worldly killers. The aliens themselves are a sort of Xenomorph/District 9 Prawn hybrid. Skeletal and slimy, they serve their purpose but are entirely forgettable. Aliens aside, the main draw is obviously in the comedic leads. Stiller is on mid-life crisis auto pilot; Vaughan saves a couple of scenes with his tangential rants but a sub plot involving his rebellious daughter irritates. Ayoade is extremely out of place and is given largely unintelligent dialogue. Hill’s portrayal of delusional, trigger happy Franklin gets the best laughs but even then his finest improvisational work – used to great effect in This Is The End- has been cut out of the film and onto the DVD blooper reel.

An obvious track list of rock and hip hop has been slapped on and in a display of next level product placement all of the major plot points revolve around Costco. With a bigger budget and bigger stars, Akiva Schaffer’s second feature does not impress and his underrated debut Hot Rod demonstrated he is best when directing his fellow SNL stars. Overall ‘The Watch’ fails to deliver on the laughs that are very much expected from such a talented cast and the writer/director for The Lonely Island. In fact, the musical comedy trio enjoy an excellent cameo, and it is not unfair to say that Schaffer should have stuck with them.

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Post #: 21
pants - 9/10/2014 2:08:25 PM   


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It did have a couple of amusing moments at times but the sci fi horror did not mix well with the attempts at comedy...rubbish really!

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Post #: 22
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