JESUS QUINTANA
You pull any of your sheet out there in the lanes an' I'll take that gun off you, shove eet up yore ass an' pull the trigger till eet goes 'Cleeck.'

THE DUDE
Jesus.

JESUS QUINTANA
You said eet, man. Nobody focks with The Jesus!

(Aw, c'mon. Everyone knows what film that's from, surely)

JULIE HAGGERTY
Surely you can't be serious?

LESLIE NIELSEN
I am serious. And don't call me 'Shirley.'

(in reply to chris kilby)

DR LEONARD 'BONES' McCOY
For God's sake, Jim. You don't ask The Almighty for his ID!

(in reply to chris kilby)

Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Flyin' through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops, boy.

Let the Wookiee win.

That's no moon. It's a space station.

What an incredible smell you've discovered!

Boring conversation anyway!

When I left you I was but a learner. Now I am the master.

May The Force be with you.

(Not bad for someone who can't write, eh? )

(in reply to chris kilby)

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MAYOR VAUGHN
Martin, it's all psychological. You yell barracuda, everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell shark, we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.

CHIEF BRODY
That's some bad hat, Harry.

QUINT
Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.

BEN GARDNER
When we get them silly bastards down in that rock pile, it'll be some fun, they'll wish their fathers had never met their mothers. When they start takin' their bottoms out and slamming into them rocks, boy! Get away from there, ya goddamn fool, you! What's the matter with you? You wanna swamp us, ya crazy son of a bitch?

MATT HOOPER
This is no boat accident

Well, this is not a boat accident! And it wasn't any propeller; and it wasn't any coral reef; and it wasn't Jack the Ripper! It was a shark.

MAYOR VAUGHN
Fellows, let's be reasonable, huh? This is not the time or the place to perform some kind of a half-assed autopsy on a fish.

MATT HOOPER
I think that I am familiar with the fact that you are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and BITES YOU ON THE ASS!

Mr. Vaughn, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks, and that's all.

ELLEN BRODY
Martin hates boats. Martin hates water. Martin... Martin sits in his car when we go on the ferry to the mainland. I guess it's a childhood thing. It's a... there's a clinical name for it isn't there?

CHIEF BRODY
Drowning.

QUINT
Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women.

Here lies the body of Mary Lee; died at the age of a hundred and three. For fifteen years she kept her virginity; not a bad record for this vicinity.

Cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Shark's in the water. Our shark.

[sings]

Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies. Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain. For we've received orders for to sail back to Boston. And so nevermore shall we see you again.

QUINT
You know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'. The ocean turns red, and despite all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces.

CHIEF BRODY
You're gonna need a bigger boat.

(Jaws.What else? Still Spielberg's best film. )

(in reply to chris kilby)

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ROBOCOP
(After shooting a perp in the balls)
Your move, creep.

Come quietly or there will be... trouble.

CLARENCE BOEDICKER
(THE greatest screen villain in the history of the cinema. FACT!)
Just give me my fuckin' phone call.

Cops don't like me.

I don't believe it! YOU BURNED THE FUCKIN' MONEY...! It's as good as marked you assh*le, you stupid, stupid assh*le!

Shut the fuck up and do it!

Bitches, leave.

Can you fly, Bobby?

CLARENCE BOEDICKER
I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not making myself clear. I don't want to fuck with you, Sal. But I got the connections. I got the sales organization. I got the muscle to shove enough of this factory so far up your stupid wop ass that you'll shit snow for a year.

SAL
Frankie, blow this cocksucker's head off.

CLARENCE BOEDICKER
Oooh. Guns, guns, guns. C'mon, Sal. The Tigers are playing... tonight. I never miss a game.

PRISONER
I'm what you call a repeat offender. I repeat, I will offend again! I get my orders from a higher source.

SGT. REED
Shut up, asshole.

Lewis, come over here when you're done fucking around with your suspect.

DICK JONES
I had a guaranteed military sale with ED209! Renovation program! Spare parts for 25 years! Who cares if it worked or not!

BOB MORTON
The Old Man thought it was kind of important... Dick.

JOE COX
You mind if I... zip this up?

TV ADVERT DAD
That's it, buster. No more military aid!

KEVA ROSENBERG
(UMEMPLOYED PERSON)
It's a free society. Except there ain't nothing free, because there's no guarantees. You know? You're on your own. That's the law of the jungle. [LAUGHS IN A MANNER WHICH COULD ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS 'STONED OOT HIS NUT']

ROBOCOP
Dead or alive, you're coming with me!

BIXBY SNYDER
I'd buy that for a dollar!

(I'd like to see some nutless, pointless fucking bullshit remake top any one of those. Fat fucking chance! I would like Dredd to be at least half as good as this though - the best Dredd movie ever made. Or ever likely to be made...)

(in reply to boaby)

DANNY
I haven't even told my father about the scholarship I didn't get. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.

TY
What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.

DANNY
I notice you don't spend too much time there.

TY
I'm not sure where they are.

You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.

You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.

No one likes a tattletale, Danny... except of course, me.

A flute without holes isn't a flute. And a donut without a hole is a danish.

Be the ball.

(in reply to chris kilby)

AL CZERVIK
Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh...? Oh, it looks good on you though.

You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.

He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife.

Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?

(in reply to chris kilby)

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I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. Guess I was wrong. You're not smarter, Walter... you're just a little taller.


We're both rotten.

Only you're a little more rotten.

(Double Indemnity, of course.)

(in reply to directorscut)

(in reply to chris kilby)

Either you bring the water to L.A. or you bring L.A. to the water.


'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.


GITTES
Why are you doing it? How much better can you eat? What could you buy that you can't already afford?

CROSS
The future, Mr. Gittes! The future. Now, where's the girl? I want the only daughter I've got left. As you found out, Evelyn was lost to me a long time ago.

GITTES
Who do you blame for that? Her?

CROSS
I don't blame myself. You see, Mr. Gittes, most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place, they're capable of ANYTHING.


He's rich! Do you understand? He thinks he can get away with anything.


Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown.

(in reply to donethinking)

(in reply to chris kilby)

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KITTY:

You've sent your boys out, haven't you? It's written on your face. Every step they take, like so many valentines, delivering bouquets. Do you send a love note, Mick, with the flowers? What does it say?

LILY CARVER:
Kiss me, Mike. I want you to kiss me. Kiss me. The liar's kiss that says I love you, and means something else.

(in reply to chris kilby)

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(in reply to donethinking)

SONNY
You're making me very nervous, Richard.

RICHARD
Well you should be. If I were you, i'd get in that fookin' car and i'd get out of here man. I'd gather them goonies and get whatever you've got comin' mate... 'cause i'm gonna fooking hit you all.

SONNY
I don't like being threatened, Rich'.

RICHARD
I'm not threatening you mate. It's beyond fooking words. I watched over you when you were asleep and I looked at your fooking neck and I was that far away from slicing it.

[INDICATES THE PALM OF HIS HAND]

You're fooking there mate!

[CLENCHES HIS FIST]

So get in that car... and FOOK OFF!

(in reply to st3veebee)

(in reply to chris kilby)

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VILOS COHAAGEN
Who gives a shit what you believe? In thirty seconds you'll be dead, and I'll blow this place up and be home in time for Corn Flakes.

(in reply to st3veebee)