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RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 24/7/2012 8:55:17 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7934
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mute

On a related note, I don't think this shameless cash-in has been posted yet:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/fifty-shades-grey-makeover-pride-and-prejudice-350406

Because what classic novels obviously need is more random badly written sex scenes. I'm sure there are very, very few people who read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and thought "some gratuitous sex would really have improved this book". The excerpts in the article are pretty funny, though.


Gay Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson? I would read that.


_____________________________

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Post #: 151
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 25/7/2012 9:08:51 AM   
sharkboy


Posts: 6285
Joined: 26/9/2005
From: Belfast
quote:

ORIGINAL: Scruffybobby

One of the women at  my work is just back off holiday. She read the first book whilst she was off and said it was terribly written, as though by a ten year old. She also said it wasn't dirty enough...


Literary taste and a bit of a perv...think I can gues who scruffy will be targetting at the xmas party this year!

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Post #: 152
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 25/7/2012 9:26:06 AM   
Hobbitonlass

 

Posts: 11919
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Westeros

quote:

ORIGINAL: borstal


quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I have a copy of it, because I figured I should read it if I want to actually form an opinion on it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.



The wife has them and I thought about reading one to offer an opinion based on reading it. Ive decided not too and just think they're shit from what Ive heard and the snippets of dialogue Ive read.

Same here. I went to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square last night (Tuesday nights is where a group of comedians talk about topical stuff, mock the week style) and Fifty Shades was one of the topics. It was hilarious, completely ripped to shreds!!

One of my "friends" who has read and loved the books works in a nail salon (says it all really ) and apparently they threw a Fifty Shades party last weekend and they transformed one of the treatment rooms in to a red room with things like handcuffs hanging from the wall (saw the pics on FB) When she was telling me about it last week I was desperately trying to make non committal noises that would have passed as interest instead of saying "do I look like I'm interested in that shit"

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Post #: 153
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 26/7/2012 3:22:44 PM   
emogeek


Posts: 21823
Joined: 15/4/2006
From: Satan's Trampoline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hobbitonlass


quote:

ORIGINAL: borstal


quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I have a copy of it, because I figured I should read it if I want to actually form an opinion on it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.



The wife has them and I thought about reading one to offer an opinion based on reading it. Ive decided not too and just think they're shit from what Ive heard and the snippets of dialogue Ive read.

Same here. I went to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square last night (Tuesday nights is where a group of comedians talk about topical stuff, mock the week style) and Fifty Shades was one of the topics. It was hilarious, completely ripped to shreds!!

One of my "friends" who has read and loved the books works in a nail salon (says it all really ) and apparently they threw a Fifty Shades party last weekend and they transformed one of the treatment rooms in to a red room with things like handcuffs hanging from the wall (saw the pics on FB) When she was telling me about it last week I was desperately trying to make non committal noises that would have passed as interest instead of saying "do I look like I'm interested in that shit"


WIth regards to the reading of it to form an opinion, I'm reminded of Stewart Lee when talking about "My Booky Wook". It was something along the lines of "You can read My Booky Wook and dismiss it as rubbish. Or you can just dismiss it as rubbish and save yourself the bother of actually having to read it"

As for your "friend" and the 50 Shades party - personally I would have just told them to fuck right off.

_____________________________

The Fear Of Blood Tends To Create Fear For The Flesh

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and then realised you weren't as hungry as you thought you were?

(in reply to Hobbitonlass)
Post #: 154
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 5:10:14 PM   
Harley Quinn


Posts: 5796
Joined: 23/1/2008
From: Arkham
http://fiftyshadesofdave.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/chapter-1-50-shades-of-meh.html#more

a man reads fifty shades and then writes about it.

_____________________________

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."


Owner of the Naughty Milkmaid.


(in reply to emogeek)
Post #: 155
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 5:37:03 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18137
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich

quote:

ORIGINAL: emogeek


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hobbitonlass


quote:

ORIGINAL: borstal


quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I have a copy of it, because I figured I should read it if I want to actually form an opinion on it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.



The wife has them and I thought about reading one to offer an opinion based on reading it. Ive decided not too and just think they're shit from what Ive heard and the snippets of dialogue Ive read.

Same here. I went to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square last night (Tuesday nights is where a group of comedians talk about topical stuff, mock the week style) and Fifty Shades was one of the topics. It was hilarious, completely ripped to shreds!!

One of my "friends" who has read and loved the books works in a nail salon (says it all really ) and apparently they threw a Fifty Shades party last weekend and they transformed one of the treatment rooms in to a red room with things like handcuffs hanging from the wall (saw the pics on FB) When she was telling me about it last week I was desperately trying to make non committal noises that would have passed as interest instead of saying "do I look like I'm interested in that shit"


WIth regards to the reading of it to form an opinion, I'm reminded of Stewart Lee when talking about "My Booky Wook". It was something along the lines of "You can read My Booky Wook and dismiss it as rubbish. Or you can just dismiss it as rubbish and save yourself the bother of actually having to read it"

As for your "friend" and the 50 Shades party - personally I would have just told them to fuck right off.


If there are no abusive men deflowering them it is not a 50 Shades party...


_____________________________

Nothing to see here.



(in reply to emogeek)
Post #: 156
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 9:49:28 PM   
directorscut


Posts: 10881
Joined: 30/9/2005
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2182618/Fifty-Shades-Grey-outsells-SEVEN-Harry-Potter-books-Amazon.html

You people disgust me.

Yes, YOU.

_____________________________



Member of the TMNT 1000 Club.

(in reply to sanchia)
Post #: 157
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 9:50:51 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18137
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich


_____________________________

Nothing to see here.



(in reply to directorscut)
Post #: 158
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 10:16:45 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20118
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia
If there are no abusive men deflowering them it is not a 50 Shades party...



I think I just found something to do on the weekends.


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(in reply to sanchia)
Post #: 159
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 10:17:33 PM   
sanchia


Posts: 18137
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich
But where would you find an abusive man on such short notice.

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Nothing to see here.



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Post #: 160
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 10:20:39 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20118
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia

But where would you find an abusive man on such short notice.


I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.


_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


Bristol Bad Film Club
A place where movie fans can come and behold some of the most awful films ever put to celluloid.

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Post #: 161
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:03:30 PM   
doubtlesswonder


Posts: 2436
Joined: 21/10/2005
From: Yorkshire
I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!


_____________________________

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"Will someone please get this motherfuckin' horcrux outta this motherfuckin' snake."


quote:

homersimpson_esq
"See Mr Grey.
See Mr Grey abuse women.
Run women, run."

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 162
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:13:51 PM   
Harley Quinn


Posts: 5796
Joined: 23/1/2008
From: Arkham

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!



the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."

_____________________________

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."


Owner of the Naughty Milkmaid.


(in reply to doubtlesswonder)
Post #: 163
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:18:28 PM   
homersimpson_esq


Posts: 20118
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield
There's a fanfic waiting to happen. ET IS ALSO GREY...

_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.


Bristol Bad Film Club
A place where movie fans can come and behold some of the most awful films ever put to celluloid.

(in reply to Harley Quinn)
Post #: 164
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:32:25 PM   
directorscut


Posts: 10881
Joined: 30/9/2005
Please leave E.T. alone. Poor bugger did nothing to deserve this.

_____________________________



Member of the TMNT 1000 Club.

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)
Post #: 165
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:39:15 PM   
doubtlesswonder


Posts: 2436
Joined: 21/10/2005
From: Yorkshire
quote:

ORIGINAL: Harley Quinn


quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!



the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."


I like that tells us quite blatantly that she has to drive over 100 miles to interview him at the start, and then in chapter two she drives home and goes straight to work. Ten minutes later, Grey is standing in the shop she works at. DOes nobody care that this guy quite obviously followed her home?


_____________________________

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"Will someone please get this motherfuckin' horcrux outta this motherfuckin' snake."


quote:

homersimpson_esq
"See Mr Grey.
See Mr Grey abuse women.
Run women, run."

(in reply to Harley Quinn)
Post #: 166
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 3:19:18 PM   
emogeek


Posts: 21823
Joined: 15/4/2006
From: Satan's Trampoline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harley Quinn


quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!



the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."


Although, oddly, he does have a scrotum like a face...

A facebook friend has been asking for suggestions for her holiday reading, then finished it with "Mind you, can anything possibly top the 50 Shades Trilogy?"

I put forward the suggestion of "Every other book ever written"....


Strangely enough for a 50 Shades fan when someone is "dissing" (as I believe the kids would say) 50 Shades, she saw the funny side


_____________________________

The Fear Of Blood Tends To Create Fear For The Flesh

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and then realised you weren't as hungry as you thought you were?

(in reply to Harley Quinn)
Post #: 167
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 5:17:16 PM   
kata


Posts: 3204
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Motorville
http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/

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PSN: GeneralLee_UK
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Post #: 168
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 5:56:01 PM   
Hobbitonlass

 

Posts: 11919
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Westeros


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Post #: 169
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 6:31:32 PM   
Harry Tuttle


Posts: 7993
Joined: 12/11/2005
From: Sometime in the future.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kata

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/


quote:

The unrelenting orgasms from his spam dagger pounding my salmon slit made me come so hard, I began sweating like a whore in church.



Spam dagger and salmon slit are so becoming part of my vocabulary now

_____________________________

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Post #: 170
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 6/8/2012 11:32:27 AM   
Chief


Posts: 7773
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee
quote:

ORIGINAL: kata

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/


quote:

"Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his disco stick probed deeper into my oxo orifice. It was bliss having his balony pony slid inside me again; stuffing my municipal cockwash with a 15" spiked vibrator just didn't get my clam-flavoured pothole squirting like it used to. The fucking makes me surge my vertical moisture all over his one-eyed milkman. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus made my vertical moisture trickle like a George Foreman grill. There was love mayonnaise frothing from his devil's bagpipe and I was . We were ready for more.


That has got the be better than the book.

< Message edited by elab49 -- 9/8/2012 8:45:08 PM >

(in reply to kata)
Post #: 171
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 6/8/2012 4:10:30 PM   
emogeek


Posts: 21823
Joined: 15/4/2006
From: Satan's Trampoline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief


quote:

ORIGINAL: kata

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/


quote:

"Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his disco stick probed deeper into my oxo orifice. It was bliss having his balony pony slid inside me again; stuffing my municipal cockwash with a 15" spiked vibrator just didn't get my clam-flavoured pothole squirting like it used to. The fucking makes me surge my vertical moisture all over his one-eyed milkman. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus made my vertical moisture trickle like a George Foreman grill. There was love mayonnaise frothing from his devil's bagpipe and I was  We were ready for more.


That has got the be better than the book.


I've just had to fake a coughing fit in work to mask the fact that I was struggling to stop myself cracking up at this...

< Message edited by elab49 -- 9/8/2012 8:45:39 PM >


_____________________________

The Fear Of Blood Tends To Create Fear For The Flesh

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and then realised you weren't as hungry as you thought you were?

(in reply to Chief)
Post #: 172
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 7/8/2012 6:07:56 PM   
impqueen


Posts: 7474
Joined: 24/7/2006
Britain's best-selling book of all time...



_____________________________

Yes, always.


(in reply to emogeek)
Post #: 173
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 9/8/2012 8:46:32 PM   
elab49


Posts: 54579
Joined: 1/10/2005
Could a little more care be taken to read the full text of the spoof quotes please?  Particularly if the problem parts are highlighted!

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deviation] LIKE AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS TOO. IT MADE ME LAUGH A LOT AND THOUGHT IT WAS WITTY. ALSO I FEEL SLOWLY DYING INSIDE. I KEEP AGREEING WITH ELAB.


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Post #: 174
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 10/8/2012 1:05:31 PM   
Chief


Posts: 7773
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Banshee
Ah, righto. Apologies.

(in reply to MonsterCat)
Post #: 175
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 10/8/2012 11:53:01 PM   
OPEN YOUR EYES

 

Posts: 4380
Joined: 5/2/2012

quote:

ORIGINAL: impqueen

Britain's best-selling book of all time...




(in reply to impqueen)
Post #: 176
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 11/8/2012 8:24:11 PM   
Drone


Posts: 964
Joined: 30/9/2005
I've always been fairly open minded when it comes to literature, and I don't like criticism of popular literature as it always smacks of jealousy and pedancy, but with this series of unintentionally hilarious quotables, all I can say is... E L James lookes pretty much like I imagined she would, based on her "writing". I know it's not nice to judge, but when I saw a picture of the Fifty Shades author, I thought 'yup... no surprise there... probably likes cats... and the fact she wrote books like these really is no great shock.'

(in reply to OPEN YOUR EYES)
Post #: 177
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 12/8/2012 10:42:54 AM   
kata


Posts: 3204
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Motorville

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drone

I've always been fairly open minded when it comes to literature, and I don't like criticism of popular literature as it always smacks of jealousy and pedancy, but with this series of unintentionally hilarious quotables, all I can say is... E L James lookes pretty much like I imagined she would, based on her "writing". I know it's not nice to judge, but when I saw a picture of the Fifty Shades author, I thought 'yup... no surprise there... probably likes cats... and the fact she wrote books like these really is no great shock.'




Is that judging a cover by its book...?

_____________________________

XBL: GeneralLee79
PSN: GeneralLee_UK
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Post #: 178
RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 13/8/2012 5:43:55 AM   
BigKovacs


Posts: 3195
Joined: 6/4/2006
From: Textile Street.

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harley Quinn


quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!



the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."


I like that tells us quite blatantly that she has to drive over 100 miles to interview him at the start, and then in chapter two she drives home and goes straight to work. Ten minutes later, Grey is standing in the shop she works at. DOes nobody care that this guy quite obviously followed her home?



I keep putting his forward to my friends who've read the books and no one seems to care, that's he's a psycho!! This is a really unhealthy and abusive relationship, he's a bully!


_____________________________

Gamertag: Cambo1979.

(in reply to doubtlesswonder)
Post #: 179
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