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RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 24/7/2012 8:55:17 PM

MonsterCat

Posts: 6221
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mute

On a related note, I don't think this shameless cash-in has been posted yet:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/fifty-shades-grey-makeover-pride-and-prejudice-350406

Because what classic novels obviously need is more random badly written sex scenes. I'm sure there are very, very few people who read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and thought "some gratuitous sex would really have improved this book". The excerpts in the article are pretty funny, though.

Gay Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson? I would read that.

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Films watched in 2013

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Post #: 151

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 25/7/2012 9:08:51 AM

sharkboy

Posts: 6031
Joined: 26/9/2005
From: Belfast

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scruffybobby

One of the women at my work is just back off holiday. She read the first book whilst she was off and said it was terribly written, as though by a ten year old. She also said it wasn't dirty enough...

Literary taste and a bit of a perv...think I can gues who scruffy will be targetting at the xmas party this year!

_____________________________

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Post #: 152

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 25/7/2012 9:26:06 AM

Hobbitonlass

Posts: 11519
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Westeros

quote:

ORIGINAL: borstal

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I have a copy of it, because I figured I should read it if I want to actually form an opinion on it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.

The wife has them and I thought about reading one to offer an opinion based on reading it. Ive decided not too and just think they're shit from what Ive heard and the snippets of dialogue Ive read.

Same here. I went to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square last night (Tuesday nights is where a group of comedians talk about topical stuff, mock the week style) and Fifty Shades was one of the topics. It was hilarious, completely ripped to shreds!!

One of my "friends" who has read and loved the books works in a nail salon (says it all really

) and apparently they threw a Fifty Shades party last weekend and they transformed one of the treatment rooms in to a red room with things like handcuffs hanging from the wall (saw the pics on FB)

When she was telling me about it last week I was desperately trying to make non committal noises that would have passed as interest instead of saying "do I look like I'm interested in that shit"

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Post #: 153

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 26/7/2012 3:22:44 PM

emogeek

Posts: 21724
Joined: 15/4/2006
From: Satan's Trampoline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hobbitonlass

quote:

ORIGINAL: borstal

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I have a copy of it, because I figured I should read it if I want to actually form an opinion on it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.

The wife has them and I thought about reading one to offer an opinion based on reading it. Ive decided not too and just think they're shit from what Ive heard and the snippets of dialogue Ive read.

Same here. I went to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square last night (Tuesday nights is where a group of comedians talk about topical stuff, mock the week style) and Fifty Shades was one of the topics. It was hilarious, completely ripped to shreds!!

One of my "friends" who has read and loved the books works in a nail salon (says it all really ) and apparently they threw a Fifty Shades party last weekend and they transformed one of the treatment rooms in to a red room with things like handcuffs hanging from the wall (saw the pics on FB) When she was telling me about it last week I was desperately trying to make non committal noises that would have passed as interest instead of saying "do I look like I'm interested in that shit"

WIth regards to the reading of it to form an opinion, I'm reminded of Stewart Lee when talking about "My Booky Wook". It was something along the lines of "You can read My Booky Wook and dismiss it as rubbish. Or you can just dismiss it as rubbish and save yourself the bother of actually having to read it"

As for your "friend" and the 50 Shades party - personally I would have just told them to fuck right off.

_____________________________

The Fear Of Blood Tends To Create Fear For The Flesh

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and then realised you weren't as hungry as you thought you were?

(in reply to Hobbitonlass)

Post #: 154

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 5:10:14 PM

Harley Quinn

Posts: 5768
Joined: 23/1/2008
From: Arkham

http://fiftyshadesofdave.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/chapter-1-50-shades-of-meh.html#more

a man reads fifty shades and then writes about it.

_____________________________

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."

Owner of the Naughty Milkmaid.

(in reply to emogeek)

Post #: 155

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 5:37:03 PM

sanchia

Posts: 16716
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich

quote:

ORIGINAL: emogeek

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hobbitonlass

quote:

ORIGINAL: borstal

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I have a copy of it, because I figured I should read it if I want to actually form an opinion on it, but I haven't been able to bring myself to read it yet.

The wife has them and I thought about reading one to offer an opinion based on reading it. Ive decided not too and just think they're shit from what Ive heard and the snippets of dialogue Ive read.

Same here. I went to the Comedy Store in Leicester Square last night (Tuesday nights is where a group of comedians talk about topical stuff, mock the week style) and Fifty Shades was one of the topics. It was hilarious, completely ripped to shreds!!

One of my "friends" who has read and loved the books works in a nail salon (says it all really ) and apparently they threw a Fifty Shades party last weekend and they transformed one of the treatment rooms in to a red room with things like handcuffs hanging from the wall (saw the pics on FB) When she was telling me about it last week I was desperately trying to make non committal noises that would have passed as interest instead of saying "do I look like I'm interested in that shit"

WIth regards to the reading of it to form an opinion, I'm reminded of Stewart Lee when talking about "My Booky Wook". It was something along the lines of "You can read My Booky Wook and dismiss it as rubbish. Or you can just dismiss it as rubbish and save yourself the bother of actually having to read it"

As for your "friend" and the 50 Shades party - personally I would have just told them to fuck right off.

If there are no abusive men deflowering them it is not a 50 Shades party...

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Nothing to see here.

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Post #: 156

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 9:49:28 PM

directorscut

Posts: 9862
Joined: 30/9/2005

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2182618/Fifty-Shades-Grey-outsells-SEVEN-Harry-Potter-books-Amazon.html

You people disgust me.

Yes, YOU.

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Member of the TMNT 1000 Club.

(in reply to sanchia)

Post #: 157

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 9:50:51 PM

sanchia

Posts: 16716
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich

_____________________________

Nothing to see here.

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Post #: 158

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 10:16:45 PM

homersimpson_esq

Posts: 19969
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia
If there are no abusive men deflowering them it is not a 50 Shades party...

I think I just found something to do on the weekends.

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TREK WARS

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Post #: 159

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 10:17:33 PM

sanchia

Posts: 16716
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Norwich

But where would you find an abusive man on such short notice.

_____________________________

Nothing to see here.

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Post #: 160

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 10:20:39 PM

homersimpson_esq

Posts: 19969
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield

quote:

ORIGINAL: sanchia

But where would you find an abusive man on such short notice.

I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.

_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.

TREK WARS

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Post #: 161

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:03:30 PM

doubtlesswonder

Posts: 2329
Joined: 21/10/2005
From: Yorkshire

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!

_____________________________

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"Will someone please get this motherfuckin' horcrux outta this motherfuckin' snake."

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"See Mr Grey.
See Mr Grey abuse women.
Run women, run."

(in reply to homersimpson_esq)

Post #: 162

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:13:51 PM

Harley Quinn

Posts: 5768
Joined: 23/1/2008
From: Arkham

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!

the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."

_____________________________

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."

Owner of the Naughty Milkmaid.

(in reply to doubtlesswonder)

Post #: 163

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:18:28 PM

homersimpson_esq

Posts: 19969
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Springfield

There's a fanfic waiting to happen. ET IS ALSO GREY...

_____________________________

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne.

TREK WARS

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Post #: 164

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:32:25 PM

directorscut

Posts: 9862
Joined: 30/9/2005

Please leave E.T. alone. Poor bugger did nothing to deserve this.

_____________________________

Member of the TMNT 1000 Club.

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Post #: 165

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 2/8/2012 11:39:15 PM

doubtlesswonder

Posts: 2329
Joined: 21/10/2005
From: Yorkshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harley Quinn

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!

the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."

I like that tells us quite blatantly that she has to drive over 100 miles to interview him at the start, and then in chapter two she drives home and goes straight to work. Ten minutes later, Grey is standing in the shop she works at. DOes nobody care that this guy quite obviously followed her home?

_____________________________

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"Will someone please get this motherfuckin' horcrux outta this motherfuckin' snake."

quote:

homersimpson_esq
"See Mr Grey.
See Mr Grey abuse women.
Run women, run."

(in reply to Harley Quinn)

Post #: 166

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 3:19:18 PM

emogeek

Posts: 21724
Joined: 15/4/2006
From: Satan's Trampoline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harley Quinn

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!

the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."

Although, oddly, he does have a scrotum like a face...

A facebook friend has been asking for suggestions for her holiday reading, then finished it with "Mind you, can anything possibly top the 50 Shades Trilogy?"

I put forward the suggestion of "Every other book ever written"....

Strangely enough for a 50 Shades fan when someone is "dissing" (as I believe the kids would say) 50 Shades, she saw the funny side

_____________________________

The Fear Of Blood Tends To Create Fear For The Flesh

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and then realised you weren't as hungry as you thought you were?

(in reply to Harley Quinn)

Post #: 167

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 5:17:16 PM

kata

Posts: 3031
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Motorville

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/

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Lovely detective work.

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Post #: 168

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 5:56:01 PM

Hobbitonlass

Posts: 11519
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Westeros

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Post #: 169

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 3/8/2012 6:31:32 PM

Harry Tuttle

Posts: 7525
Joined: 12/11/2005
From: Sometime in the future.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kata

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/

quote:

The unrelenting orgasms from his spam dagger pounding my salmon slit made me come so hard, I began sweating like a whore in church.

Spam dagger and salmon slit are so becoming part of my vocabulary now

_____________________________

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Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for kung-fu treachery!

Blood Island. So called because it's the exact shape of some blood

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Post #: 170

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 6/8/2012 11:32:27 AM

Chief

Posts: 7016
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: The Kingdom, Scotland

quote:

ORIGINAL: kata

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/

quote:

"Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his disco stick probed deeper into my oxo orifice. It was bliss having his balony pony slid inside me again; stuffing my municipal cockwash with a 15" spiked vibrator just didn't get my clam-flavoured pothole squirting like it used to. The fucking makes me surge my vertical moisture all over his one-eyed milkman. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus made my vertical moisture trickle like a George Foreman grill. There was love mayonnaise frothing from his devil's bagpipe and I was . We were ready for more.�

That has got the be better than the book.

< Message edited by elab49 -- 9/8/2012 8:45:08 PM >

(in reply to kata)

Post #: 171

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 6/8/2012 4:10:30 PM

emogeek

Posts: 21724
Joined: 15/4/2006
From: Satan's Trampoline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chief

quote:

ORIGINAL: kata

http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/

quote:

"Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his disco stick probed deeper into my oxo orifice. It was bliss having his balony pony slid inside me again; stuffing my municipal cockwash with a 15" spiked vibrator just didn't get my clam-flavoured pothole squirting like it used to. The fucking makes me surge my vertical moisture all over his one-eyed milkman. Now, I've seen more helmets than Hitler, but the sight of his eight inches of throbbing pink jesus made my vertical moisture trickle like a George Foreman grill. There was love mayonnaise frothing from his devil's bagpipe and I was We were ready for more.�

That has got the be better than the book.

I've just had to fake a coughing fit in work to mask the fact that I was struggling to stop myself cracking up at this...

< Message edited by elab49 -- 9/8/2012 8:45:39 PM >

_____________________________

The Fear Of Blood Tends To Create Fear For The Flesh

Have you ever been halfway through eating a horse and then realised you weren't as hungry as you thought you were?

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Post #: 172

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 7/8/2012 6:07:56 PM

impqueen

Posts: 6779
Joined: 24/7/2006

Britain's best-selling book of all time...

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Yes, always.

Mr Clever!

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Post #: 173

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 9/8/2012 8:46:32 PM

elab49

Posts: 51617
Joined: 1/10/2005

Could a little more care be taken to read the full text of the spoof quotes please? Particularly if the problem parts are highlighted!

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Post #: 174

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 10/8/2012 1:05:31 PM

Chief

Posts: 7016
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: The Kingdom, Scotland

Ah, righto. Apologies.

(in reply to MonsterCat)

Post #: 175

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 10/8/2012 11:53:01 PM

OPEN YOUR EYES

Posts: 3469
Joined: 5/2/2012
From: Living on Lynch's quiff

quote:

ORIGINAL: impqueen

Britain's best-selling book of all time...

_____________________________

?eeffoc emos ekil uoy dluow

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Post #: 176

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 11/8/2012 8:24:11 PM

Drone

Posts: 959
Joined: 30/9/2005

I've always been fairly open minded when it comes to literature, and I don't like criticism of popular literature as it always smacks of jealousy and pedancy, but with this series of unintentionally hilarious quotables, all I can say is... E L James lookes pretty much like I imagined she would, based on her "writing". I know it's not nice to judge, but when I saw a picture of the Fifty Shades author, I thought 'yup... no surprise there... probably likes cats... and the fact she wrote books like these really is no great shock.'

(in reply to OPEN YOUR EYES)

Post #: 177

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 12/8/2012 10:42:54 AM

kata

Posts: 3031
Joined: 30/9/2005
From: Motorville

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drone

I've always been fairly open minded when it comes to literature, and I don't like criticism of popular literature as it always smacks of jealousy and pedancy, but with this series of unintentionally hilarious quotables, all I can say is... E L James lookes pretty much like I imagined she would, based on her "writing". I know it's not nice to judge, but when I saw a picture of the Fifty Shades author, I thought 'yup... no surprise there... probably likes cats... and the fact she wrote books like these really is no great shock.'

Is that judging a cover by its book...?

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Post #: 178

RE: Fifty Shades of...... - 13/8/2012 5:43:55 AM

BigKovacs

Posts: 3144
Joined: 6/4/2006
From: Textile Street.

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: Harley Quinn

quote:

ORIGINAL: doubtlesswonder

I'm two chapters in and I'm bored already. I've been amusing myself by playing spot the Twilight character and counting how many times per chapter she refers to how attractive the bloke is. She seems to have a weird obsession with his fingers, too, and she only just met him.

I never really liked first person stories. The Hunger Games is the only series written from that POV that I've enjoyed, and I'm really not looking forward to reading the sex scenes in that POV!

the link to the blog I posted mentions her fixation with his fingers alot.

"Once again there are a few mentions of his long fingers, specifically his index finger. It now seems as if Christian is E.T, the only difference being that Christian does not have a face like a scrotum."

I like that tells us quite blatantly that she has to drive over 100 miles to interview him at the start, and then in chapter two she drives home and goes straight to work. Ten minutes later, Grey is standing in the shop she works at. DOes nobody care that this guy quite obviously followed her home?

I keep putting his forward to my friends who've read the books and no one seems to care, that's he's a psycho!! This is a really unhealthy and abusive relationship, he's a bully!

_____________________________

Gamertag: Cambo1979.

(in reply to doubtlesswonder)

Post #: 179