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Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review

 
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Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 17/5/2012 8:14:10 PM   
Rgirvan44


Posts: 19037
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Punishment Park
Ten years yesterday, Attack of the Clones was released. Let us celebrate the best thing to have come out from it. Here is to another ten years of the review being constantly brought up, in what is now known as Hewitt's Law!

Attack of the Clones
Ten years after The Phantom Menace, the Galactic Republic is under threat from charismatic separatists, forcing Naboo Senator Padme Amidala to seek protection in the guise of Jedi Padawan Anakin Skywalker, while Obi-Wan Kenobi discovers a secret Clone Army…

In 1999, this very magazine awarded The Phantom Menace four stars. Going by that rationale, Attack of the Clones deserves, oh, twenty. Pity we can only give five. OK, Clones isn't the greatest film ever. It's not even the greatest Star Wars film ever, falling short of close relative The Empire Strikes Back. Yet it outstrips TPM completely, gives Return of the Jedi a run for its money and Steven Spielberg thinks it's better than A New Hope. Make no mistake, Star Wars is back.

For a man supposedly oblivious to TPM's critical pasting, Lucas' fifth instalment feels like it was made by a fanboy committee. There's more action, more humour and more humanity (McGregor's Obi-Wan is more confident and cynical; while Portman's Padme is less regal; more sexy). On the flip-side, there's no midi-chlorians and - hurrah! - barely any Jar Jar. Meanwhile, obviously suffused with confidence again, Lucas directs capably, showing off his visual skills (breathtakingly beautiful shots are legion), while letting the increasingly dark story develop unhindered.

TPM may have been just for kids, but thanks to its frequent decapitations and murky tone, Clones skews a lot older. It's not as simple as white hats, black hats anymore: the proto-Stormtrooper Clones are here - oh, the irony! - led into battle by Yoda; while - in a burst of mischievous genius - the loathed Jar Jar inadvertently sets in motion the Clone Wars. Lucas also bravely consigns his nominal baddies -
Jango Fett and Christopher Lee's imposing Count Dooku - to the background, allowing him to focus on Anakin's fall from grace. [Spoiler warning!] The Tusken Raider slaughter and Anakin's subsequent hate-fuelled confession is the most emotionally-charged Star Wars sequence since Empire's climax; thankfully the glowering, preening Christensen delivers a suitably tortured performance. Episode III awaits.

It's not all perfect: the central romance never escapes its plot device origins; the dialogue is still clunky, non-fans might get horribly lost, and the mid-section lacks a little pace. As for ILM's remarkable wall-to-wall CG (most of the walls are CG) such hyper-reality means AOTC occasionally resembles the most expensive Babylon 5 episode ever made.

Then again, the climactic battle, featuring Jedi's kicking-ass and - hey! - clones attacking, is a mind-boggling fusion of technology and entertainment that eclipses anything seen before in the fantasy genre. Hell, in any genre. And then, along comes Yoda's astonishing, crowd-pleasing battle with Count Dooku. A showdown that is - inarguably - the Star Wars saga's greatest single moment, and for that, all past indiscretions are forgiven. Welcome back, George.

Our lack of faith was disturbing, but Clones is the anti-Phantom Menace - funny, complex and enormous fun. See it, and start queuing again. This time for Episode III.


_____________________________

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.

Post #: 1
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 17/5/2012 8:39:48 PM   
Olaf


Posts: 23659
Joined: 26/2/2007
From: 41°N 93°W
The lesson to be learned from reading this: some things deserve to be endlessly mocked for ten years. Yoda vs. Dooku as inarguably SW's greatest moment = jimmiesrustled.jpg

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RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 17/5/2012 9:02:31 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
lol he gave a rubbish film 5/5 and he's still not hearing the end of it.

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Post #: 3
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 18/5/2012 1:07:38 AM   
Spaldron


Posts: 10485
Joined: 6/10/2006
From: Chair
quote:

And then, along comes Yoda's astonishing, crowd-pleasing battle with Count Dooku. A showdown that is - inarguably - the Star Wars saga's greatest single moment, and for that, all past indiscretions are forgiven.




< Message edited by Spaldron -- 25/5/2012 1:57:25 AM >


_____________________________

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
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Post #: 4
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 18/5/2012 7:59:51 AM   
jonson


Posts: 8916
Joined: 30/9/2005
I'm not really a Star Wars fan, but 3 things are correct here.
It's better than The Phantom Menace
It's better than Return of the Jedi
And it was great fun.
It's certainly no 5 star film but I'd give it 4 for sheer entertainment. IMO.

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Post #: 5
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 24/5/2012 4:51:46 PM   
Chris Hewitt

 

Posts: 1613
Joined: 30/9/2005
Christ, whoever wrote that review should be fired/killed/stranded on Geonosis with nothing to aid him but a faulty lightsaber and some Bantha doodoo.

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Post #: 6
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 24/5/2012 6:20:23 PM   
jackcarter


Posts: 1825
Joined: 12/1/2006
Takens incredible ONE (*) star was a greater crime than AOTCs *****

whoever gave it that did not have a particular set of skills in awarding correct ratings!

(in reply to Chris Hewitt)
Post #: 7
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 25/5/2012 2:00:15 AM   
Spaldron


Posts: 10485
Joined: 6/10/2006
From: Chair

quote:

ORIGINAL: Chris Hewitt

Christ


Blasphemer.

_____________________________

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked and behold, a pale horse
And his name that sat on him was Death
And Hell followed with him.

(in reply to Chris Hewitt)
Post #: 8
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 25/5/2012 9:52:37 PM   
directorscut


Posts: 10597
Joined: 30/9/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rgirvan44

The Tusken Raider slaughter and Anakin's subsequent hate-fuelled confession is the most emotionally-charged Star Wars sequence since Empire's climax; thankfully the glowering, preening Christensen delivers a suitably tortured performance. Episode III awaits.




Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.






Really?

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Post #: 9
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 11:17:53 AM   
Cool Breeze


Posts: 2193
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: The Internet
I really enjoyed AOTC.I dont think it deserves 5 stars, but id give it four easily.I saw it three times in the cinema.

As for a real 5 star review atrocity, Superman Returns is it.God that was a shit movie!

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Post #: 10
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 12:29:45 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Superman Returns, for all its myriad flaws, is a sincere and good hearted film made by a genuinely talented director.

Attack of the Clones is a soulless, vapid, badly acted and written bucket of two month old cum directed by an artistically bankrupt businessman masquerading as a film-maker. George Lucas is quite possibly one the worst directors of all time, and A New Hope was a flash in the pan.

He's basically a marginally more talented Edward D Wood Jnr. for the modern age, and I'm glad he's seemingly given up directing. Now if only Michael Bay would follow his lead and retire with the millions he has made with his misogynist clap-trap, this world would be a much better place to live-in.

EDIT - Actually, the Wood comparison is rather disrespectful to Wood. Ed was a terrible director, but at least he had a passion for film-making and a genuine love of genre movies.

< Message edited by MonsterCat -- 26/5/2012 1:03:43 PM >


_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

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Post #: 11
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 3:04:39 PM   
Cool Breeze


Posts: 2193
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: The Internet
quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Superman Returns, for all its myriad flaws, is a sincere and good hearted film made by a genuinely talented director.

Attack of the Clones is a soulless, vapid, badly acted and written bucket of two month old cum directed by an artistically bankrupt businessman masquerading as a film-maker. George Lucas is quite possibly one the worst directors of all time, and A New Hope was a flash in the pan.

He's basically a marginally more talented Edward D Wood Jnr. for the modern age, and I'm glad he's seemingly given up directing. Now if only Michael Bay would follow his lead and retire with the millions he has made with his misogynist clap-trap, this world would be a much better place to live-in.

EDIT - Actually, the Wood comparison is rather disrespectful to Wood. Ed was a terrible director, but at least he had a passion for film-making and a genuine love of genre movies.


While i agree that Bryan Singer is a genuinely talented director, his Superman film was a complete misfire.He may have had good intentions, but the film was just deathly dull,miscast,overlong, and plane rescue aside,lacking any decent action (An absolute crime for a superhero film).Enough has been writen about the ridiculous child subplot that i wont even get into how wrong that was.He couldnt decide whether he was making a sequel,a remake,a reboot or whatever.No wonder the film ended up being such a mess.

I also disagree about your comments about George Lucas.Hes responsible for providing some of the greatest films ever made and for pushing the boundaries of special effects forward more than any other filmaker in the last four decades.

< Message edited by Cool Breeze -- 26/5/2012 3:06:37 PM >


_____________________________

'' Iv played Oskar Schindler, Michael Collins, Rob Roy Mcgregor, even ZEUS for gods sake! No one is going to believe me to be a green grocer! ''

(in reply to MonsterCat)
Post #: 12
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 3:24:12 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
He pushed the boundaries of special effects? Big deal. Doesn't mean a thing when he has the directorial skills of a lobotomised chimp.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to Cool Breeze)
Post #: 13
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 3:40:39 PM   
directorscut


Posts: 10597
Joined: 30/9/2005
quote:

nough has been writen about the ridiculous child subplot that i wont even get into how wrong that was.


A man and a woman having a child?



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Post #: 14
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 3:55:29 PM   
matty_b


Posts: 14445
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

He pushed the boundaries of special effects? Big deal. Doesn't mean a thing when he has the directorial skills of a lobotomised chimp.


I would generally agree with this, but am at a loss to explain how he turned out American Graffiti.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


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Post #: 15
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 3:59:56 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8042
Joined: 31/7/2008

quote:

ORIGINAL: jonson

I'm not really a Star Wars fan, but 3 things are correct here.
It's better than The Phantom Menace
It's better than Return of the Jedi
And it was great fun.
It's certainly no 5 star film but I'd give it 4 for sheer entertainment. IMO.


Every single point here is wrong, on a level so great that I might have to go out and punch a swan.

(in reply to jonson)
Post #: 16
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 26/5/2012 4:03:45 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

He pushed the boundaries of special effects? Big deal. Doesn't mean a thing when he has the directorial skills of a lobotomised chimp.


I would generally agree with this, but am at a loss to explain how he turned out American Graffiti.


In the interests of fairness, it's not too bad but I'm not particularly fond of it either.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

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Post #: 17
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 10:53:46 PM   
Cool Breeze


Posts: 2193
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: The Internet
So was there a 10th anniversary '' celebration '' of Empires FOUR(!) star review of Pearl Harbour last year?

Should we '' celebrate '' their THREE(!) star review of Batman and Robin for its 15th anniversary? ( Yes beleive it or not they gave it a positive review on its initial release).

_____________________________

'' Iv played Oskar Schindler, Michael Collins, Rob Roy Mcgregor, even ZEUS for gods sake! No one is going to believe me to be a green grocer! ''

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Post #: 18
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 10:55:49 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Do you need some cream for being so butthurt over this?

< Message edited by MonsterCat -- 30/5/2012 11:05:43 PM >


_____________________________

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Films watched in 2013

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Post #: 19
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 11:08:57 PM   
Cool Breeze


Posts: 2193
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: The Internet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Do you need some cream from being so butthurt over this?


No.But thanks for the offer.

My point is that people need to get over the review.Chris obviously really enjoyed AOTC and if he gave it 5 stars then thats his opinion and hes welcome to it.Disagree with it all you want but give it a rest already, its been ten years!

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.

_____________________________

'' Iv played Oskar Schindler, Michael Collins, Rob Roy Mcgregor, even ZEUS for gods sake! No one is going to believe me to be a green grocer! ''

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Post #: 20
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 11:11:37 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.


You should tell us about this at some point.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

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Post #: 21
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 11:13:17 PM   
Cool Breeze


Posts: 2193
Joined: 9/11/2011
From: The Internet

quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat


quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.


You should tell us about this at some point.


You should tell us your opinion of the Star Wars prequels and George Lucas at some point.

_____________________________

'' Iv played Oskar Schindler, Michael Collins, Rob Roy Mcgregor, even ZEUS for gods sake! No one is going to believe me to be a green grocer! ''

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Post #: 22
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 11:15:51 PM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire
Ba-zing!

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

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Post #: 23
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 30/5/2012 11:54:53 PM   
Spaldron


Posts: 10485
Joined: 6/10/2006
From: Chair


_____________________________

And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
And I looked and behold, a pale horse
And his name that sat on him was Death
And Hell followed with him.

(in reply to MonsterCat)
Post #: 24
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 31/5/2012 8:12:38 AM   
matty_b


Posts: 14445
Joined: 19/10/2005
From: Outpost 31 calling McMurtle.
THE IRONY IS DELICIOUS.

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze
Mattyb is a shining example of what the perfect Empire Forum member is.


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Post #: 25
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 31/5/2012 10:17:09 AM   
Rgirvan44


Posts: 19037
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Punishment Park

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze


quote:

ORIGINAL: MonsterCat

Do you need some cream from being so butthurt over this?


No.But thanks for the offer.

My point is that people need to get over the review.Chris obviously really enjoyed AOTC and if he gave it 5 stars then thats his opinion and hes welcome to it.Disagree with it all you want but give it a rest already, its been ten years!

I strongly disagree with Ian Nathans 5 star review of Superman Returns but im not going to hold it against him.He loved the film.I hated it.End of story.


I think everyone in this thread is over it. But the fun comes from other posters who clearly aren't - look at the Prometheus review thread for evidence.

_____________________________

It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.


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Post #: 26
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 31/5/2012 11:13:51 AM   
MonsterCat


Posts: 7932
Joined: 24/3/2011
From: St. Albans, Hertfordshire

quote:

ORIGINAL: matty_b

THE IRONY IS DELICIOUS.


I think I've only ever talked about the prequels and George Lucas inside of this thread.

Scott Pilgrim is the film I'm always complaining about.

_____________________________

"I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you."

Films watched in 2013

(in reply to matty_b)
Post #: 27
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 31/5/2012 12:33:21 PM   
superdan


Posts: 8042
Joined: 31/7/2008

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cool Breeze

So was there a 10th anniversary '' celebration '' of Empires FOUR(!) star review of Pearl Harbour last year?

Should we '' celebrate '' their THREE(!) star review of Batman and Robin for its 15th anniversary? ( Yes beleive it or not they gave it a positive review on its initial release).


I don't think there are many people trying to stick up for those turds though.

(in reply to Cool Breeze)
Post #: 28
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 31/5/2012 3:41:51 PM   
jonson


Posts: 8916
Joined: 30/9/2005

quote:

ORIGINAL: superdan


quote:

ORIGINAL: jonson

I'm not really a Star Wars fan, but 3 things are correct here.
It's better than The Phantom Menace
It's better than Return of the Jedi
And it was great fun.
It's certainly no 5 star film but I'd give it 4 for sheer entertainment. IMO.


Every single point here is wrong, on a level so great that I might have to go out and punch a swan.



So, swan-puncher you thought The Phantom Menace was better? You didn't think AOTC was great fun?
I won't comment on the ROTJ, some people like it, I think it's fucking rubbish and would much rather sit through any of the new versions.

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I've got all the Barbie ones!!!

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Post #: 29
RE: Happy 10th Birthday Attack of the Clones Empire Review - 31/5/2012 4:01:48 PM   
directorscut


Posts: 10597
Joined: 30/9/2005
Don't mind jonson, his mind was blown away during the industrial revolution. It's quite amazing that he knows the titles of certain Star Wars movies.

< Message edited by directorscut -- 31/5/2012 4:02:02 PM >


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